I have been married for 5 years to a wonderful women. Ever since we met, I have told her lies about myself. I didn't lie about who I was, just added stuff to make me seem more interested. Throughout our marriage I have lied about several stupid things. I also have a terrible addiction to porn (so very bad searches) that I could not shake on my own. I thought I had it all under control and thats when it happened. She left to go shopping one day and blam! There I was on the computer looking at pictures of young (legal) porn. She found out freaked out for the last time. She left me the day after Christmas and I don't know what to do. I have told her over and over again, through the years, that I would get help, but I never followed through with it. I am now getting counseling and have joined a support group. I want her to come back and go through marriage counseling together but she says it wont work. I am scared and alone and have no desire what so ever to look at porn again. How do I show her I am changing if she is in Michigan and I am in Virginia. How do I get her to understand that the things I looked at were just pictures to me and not desires? What do I do and does anyone think I stand a chance at getting her back?

Anything is possible. However, don't base your recovery on whether you get back with your wife. Do it for yourself.

My WH has a serious problem with lying. Because of this I take serious offense to even "little white lies" that he thinks are of no consequence. Be completely honest with her (not ugly, just honest) and be patient.

Give her updates on your recovery (email, letters) and ask for her input. Think of things she enjoys and do little things to let her know you still love her without being pushy. You may want to try a conference call with the Harleys. Maybe your counselor could do sessions with her on the phone. Then she can't use location to avoid counseling.

I'm sure you didn't mean this statement quite this way, but I would consider this a pretty big desire since it was enough to risk your marriage just to view. I suspect your wife is more upset that you did something (anything) knowing how she despised it, than she is about the actual pictures. It's not the object, it's the act. I would suspect that if you push her to view it as just pictures, you are only going to push her futher away.

I hope I haven't beat you up too much, because I really think you are doing good. Keep your head up and have faith.

Daniel12900,
There are a lot of great threads on marriagebuilders about porn. I suggest going to "search" right above the posts on this screen. Type in porn in the key words line and highlight the checkbox to search in the subject line and body.
Might be best to search under "all forums" on the left of the screen. The general questions board is the most widely used but there is a lot of good information on many of the other boards also.

I doubt think your wife will ever understand your perception of porn being just pictures. I have never posted anything on the porn threads but I have to say that that porn also one of the issues that my WH had engaged in over the years that he has hid from me. It was probably the first "lie" he told me and I caught him so many times and he doesn't even know I knew.
Since then there have been so many little lies about other things such as you describe in your post. A lot of it probably just stretching the truth.
One of my greatest emotional needs is honesty and to for people like me, even little white lies are a really big deal.
If honesty is one of your wifes most important needs and she has caught you in even little lies over the years, then she has a very "real" reason for feeling betrayed.

One does not necessarily have to have a physical affair to be considered cheating. To many spouses, porn is considered cheating, as you are desiring someone other than your spouse. I would have gladly watched a porn movie with my WH now and then but it was never offered. When I suggested it, he made it seem like something dirty. It was just his dirty little secret I guess.

Please continue to read all you can here. This website has saved so many marriages just from reading and learning the concepts. They are so simple yet make so much sense and we tend to lose this in our daily lives. Best of luck to you.