when you find someone that you think you might like to get to know better and you flirt a little and there is obvious mutual attraction both physically and emotionally (you know how this person makes you laugh, feel comfortable with them, feel safe, etc) how do you go about telling them this without scaring them off because you're moving things too fast, making them feel uncomfortable etc? Say you really like this person and want to keep getting to know them, seeing how far this will go........do you just keep quiet? do you say something?

It's been so very long since I've actually felt something other than fear and loathing for someone that I'm not sure what to do. I've been told to go with your gut reaction, that usually the right decision. I've been told listen to your heart, it won't lie to you. But I'm afraid. I don't want to get hurt again, I don't want to hurt any one else either.

help - advice......any suggestions.

Just let it go and enjoy!
I have a tendency to overanalyze. Just keep yourself busy with stuff and try not to think about it. Just relax...it'll come if it's supposed to!

This is hard to answer, but if you feel this way,
then maybe you are not quite ready to put yourself out there....

DW

We're all skeered! None of us want to get hurt!!!
DW has a point too...but does that fear ever REALLY go away altogether?

Drita, (good to see you're still here, BTW)

I question that same thing. I have a BF whom I love very much. And I know that he would not intentionally hurt me, but I also "knew" that about my H, too. So while I'm very happy with him, I'm also fearful of committing, because I so believed that once, and was let down.

cm

I want to thank you all for the input.

I know that no one wants to be rejected, and I guess that's what I'm afraid of. I seem to have a real knack for choosing the wrong men (my H is a prime example.....my heart kept telling me to get out he was abusive but I thought I could make it all better). I guess it's just very hard to explain why there is such a draw to this guy. But my heart is telling me that there is definately something there and that he's feeling something similar.

does it make any sense at all? I'm kind of afraid to listen to what my heart is telling me. My brain keeps saying don't go there. Maybe that is my protection mode, to keep me from getting hurt. But the sound coming from my heart is so much louder & stronger. which do i listen to?

I think you have to go out and take a bit of a chance. Yes, your heart WILL lie to you. IT is based on emotions and feelings, and those change as we get to know a person, including ourselves. Why don't you look at this as a chance to learn?

I found that when I started to date, I had to learn to do it. I had to learn the mechanics of dating: asking, arranging, actually doing the date, and ending it. But, of equal importance I had to learn how to deal with hearing 'No', hearing "Yes" (that was scary for a while!), and how to deal with the uncertainties of dating. You learn by doing. There really is no other way.

Well I took a bold step this morning.......I let this gentleman know that I was interested. There's been a lot of flirting back and forth. Some of his statements have "hinted" to his interest and after asking a few of his friends and the feedback they've given me, he's definately interested. So I kind of slipped him a little note. Nothing bad just a simple message that I find him attractive and would like to get to know him better. I actually felt good doing it. We all have those times when we get the "Don't do it" feeling, well this didn't feel like that at all. I don't know if or when he'll respond. I just have to be patient and trust my intuition.