I do not think I can make it thru this. I feel like my W is making it out like I do not matter next to the OM. She says she wants to mend our relationship but I do not know if I have any thing left right now. W has just taken the life out of me time and time again.

You might need some antidepresants to get through this terible time in your life. You should get Surviving an Affair. Knowledge is power. Read everything you can on this sight. Do the Emotional Needs Inventory together. If your wife starts meeting your needs you will feel better more quickly. A counselor is also very helpful but you need a good one. There is a section in this sight on picking a good one.

Thankyou for the reply. Jave just had a very hard night . Currently doing IC with MC scheduled for one week from now. I am totaly exhausted from this whole mess.

Of COURSE you can make it through this. You WILL! Listend to rb123. Keep going to IC. Keep posting here.

But... can you be more specific about what you mean when you say that your W "is making it out like I do not matter next to the OM"? What is she doing? What is she saying? Are you sure this isn't just the way you're reading it because of your (totally understandable) pain? Because she HAS chosen you. And it might not seem like much at the moment while the wound is so fresh and raw, but in time you will come to see that it's EVERYTHING.

Is this about wanting to see the OM to break it off with him? Is she digging in her heels?

W meet this guy at work. She works the evening shift and used to see him after work. She said she would be accountable for her time till the trust is rebuilt. The night before last she was late coming home so I called her work to see if she was working overtime. Well she found out thatI called and W got very upset. She just says that I am putting to much preasure on her to end the A. I am trying to give her the space she needs but living here it is very hard not to be emotionally torn. If it were not for my small son I wouln't make it.

Sounds to me as though a bit of negotiation is in order. She's making herself accountable for her time, and that's a really good sign. Did you talk to HER at work, or someone else? Because if she felt that you went above her when she told you that SHE would be accountable for her time, you can understand why she would be upset. (You might not agree, but you'd certainly understand.)

Somehope, during Plan A you not only avoid LBs and make deposits in the LBank, but you also LOOK AFTER YOURSELF. I STRONGLY urge you to do something for yourself, every single day, to look after yourself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually (don't leave any of these out). Detach. This is a really good article on detachment that may help (I had to read it several times for it to sink in), but you have to remember that detaching is a process, not a one-of thing.

Does she see this guy at work?

Are they still working together? If so then the emotions are staying alive between them. She will have to change jobs. Even if they can handle it and stay away from each other, it is going to be too stressful for you. She is the one who has broken your trust and she has to rebuild that. Don't settle on too little just to save your marriage. A bad marriage after an affair is worse than no marriage.

Things are a little better after a cooling off preiod then a talk with each other. This is such an emotional rollercoaster ride. They do not work together just business brought OM to W work. She is quiting that job. I believe this will help situation.

Somehope -

Have you read everything that you can on this site? Also, someone posted that it will be very helpful to get Surviving an Affair. You will need all the help you can get to make it through this. Be prepared to be here for a long time. The road ahead is going to be tough.

Are you doing a strong Plan A? What are your wife's emotional needs?

Kim