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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
It has been 3 week since WH told me of his EA. We agreed to a "break" he moved out, and now lives with a friend but still drops in to see D's. I have been in IC and started AD's for many reasons far beyond what has gone on now.
Just this morning he needed to come over p/u paper work and called which he does alway but did not knock this time. I don't know all the "rules" for plan A yet because I haven't gotten the book yet but I just feel stuck. Any suggestions?
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 591
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 591 |
Does he make you feel used? If he doesn't and he's treating you with respect, and you're OK with this, I can't see any problem.
"No power in the 'verse can stop me."
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
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Posts: 224 |
I don't feel used just frustrated because when he comes in it is like nothing is going on and the big white elephant is right there.
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 591
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 591 |
Hmmmyeah, I see what you mean. Nonetheless, this is way it is with Plan A. Bloody great elephant just standing here, you just have to tiptoe around it while simultaneously avoiding LBs and making deposits in the LBank. Quite the task!
"No power in the 'verse can stop me."
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
Ok How do I do that if he doesn't stay very long? And if he does it is because he wants to spend time with the D's. I have been told not to follow him around the house.
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 591
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 591 |
There's no need to leap through hoops of fire when he's there. You see him, smile. Be warm, friendly, and loving. Keep all interactions light and bright. You don't discuss the great big elephant (ie. the M, or the separation), OR follow him around the house. If he's there, get busy and sound as if you're really happy to be busy. Whistle while you work, put a spring in your step, whatever. It doesn't sound much, but it IS. It takes a LOT of effort at first, but it gets easier.
Don't forget that this will come more and more naturally to you if you're looking after yourself.
"No power in the 'verse can stop me."
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Living apart is not suggested. How did that happen?
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
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Posts: 224 |
He told me he fell for OMW then moved out to see if he would miss me.
10min ago I found him in the house which is ok because he told me he was coming to get stuff but when I saw him leaving I noticed I think a hicky. He saw me stare and asked "what?" I said just looking at your neck. He did not say anything then said I was looking good. I said I know. Then he left. He took some of his really nice clothes that he does not where that much. I also think he was on the computer. How do I put spyware on? He is the computer person.
Last edited by mhwag; 01/07/06 11:59 AM.
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
Ok WH comes over but when I am not around because i was running late. We had made plans for him to play w/D's. When I came home he acted like nothing much was going on and did some light cleaning. But he still does not want to talk to me about anything. I went and did light cleaning while he help D9 with homework. Then he had to go to work on a Sunday. I did call right after to confirm his story. His is with a friend of ours. I still have to this need to ask him questions. What should I do?
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 212
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 212 |
Try perfect keylogger or win-spy, I prefer win-spy
Me 33; W 32; kids 0; no known A
date:1996; M:1998
sep 8/04;D filed 9/04 by W;not finalized
MC 1/05-4/05
Sept 2005 n/c by W she moved 5 hrs away and wants me to "move on". D still pending
Talk w/ Jen C 11/27-send Plan A emails
my summary
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
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Posts: 224 |
I have been thinking about that. Thank You
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 212
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 212 |
Don't worry if he's the computer person. If YOU install it, you can configure it and the antispywares, antivirus', can't find it. It will be invisible unless you want to bring it up to see it, requiring a password.
Me 33; W 32; kids 0; no known A
date:1996; M:1998
sep 8/04;D filed 9/04 by W;not finalized
MC 1/05-4/05
Sept 2005 n/c by W she moved 5 hrs away and wants me to "move on". D still pending
Talk w/ Jen C 11/27-send Plan A emails
my summary
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
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Posts: 224 |
How do I do plan A if he is just leaving and now just coming over when the time for him to see D's once a week. He is living and working 10 min away and OW is 5 min away from there. It is impossible for him or her to leave. They don't work together but this is a very small town. And I have to see OW because I deal with her daughter. I feel stuck. He has been moving out stuff all week and doing things that he hasn't done in years. Not bad things but like he is trying to be single again. HE IS ACTING LIKE HE IS DONE. Then in 2 weeks he is leaving for a month. I really feel stuck. HELP!!!
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
I wish I knew what to do. I tried to be pleasent. My WH came over to play with the girls and I they wanted to go to the park. They wanted BS(me)to go also. So I went to and we played, then when we went back home he couldn't leave fast enought. My frustration is now growing and all I keep saying to myself that he is worth it and I keep hoping.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
I told him today that he is to come over only on the day we have planned. I get sick with anxity??? hours after he leaves. I am still going to IC for myself but doubts still lurk.
Last edited by mhwag; 01/09/06 01:29 PM.
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
He told me he fell for OMW then moved out to see if he would miss me.
10min ago I found him in the house which is ok because he told me he was coming to get stuff but when I saw him leaving I noticed I think a hicky. The #1 reason he left is to persur an affair with OW. Haven't looked at your other posts in other threads but I would be fairly sure he is having an affair. Have you done any investigations?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
I don't really know how to. I can't follow him because I have the kids and he knows my car. He works in a very secured area. I did look at what he has taken and I he has basicly moved out with stuff he hasn't played with in years.
I am more sure now that he is doing something because of his hickies he has when he did come over. I am not sure if I should tell OMW H. I feel that I should.
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 748
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 748 |
Continue with Plan A and gather proof of the affair. Wait until you can prove it before you contact OWH and begin affair exposure.
Me BS 44
XH 45
M 20 years
D19
D12
DDay 11.29.04
Separated 12.29.04
Plan A 24.02.05
Plan B 10.9.05
Plan D 2.2.06
Divorce 13.6.06
OW - former friend and D12's x-godmother (Skunkypoo)
OWH - philander, XH's former best friend (still shares skunkypoo with XH)
Anger = drinking a rat poison and waiting/wishing the rat would notice you drink it and the rat die from it.
Redhat
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
I am working on that but it is slow. I feel like I have to set him up. That just feels so bad.
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 224 |
What is the deal with men and not wanting to talk to anybody? Sorry I feel very frustrated right now. I have been sitting on my my hands so to speak when it comes to my WH. I feel his just is moving out slowly. He has taken odd his wedding ring and I just do nothing. I have been trying to clean house and go thru the day but I have a sick feeling all day long. I don't even know how to give little love units because he really doesn't even talk to me when he is here. ANY IDEAS PLEASE?????
Me-30
WH-29
M-6.5yr
D-day #1 12/17/05
D-Day #2 1/16/06
DD's-5 and 9
Exposed 1/16/06
Moved to US 6/1/06 2000 milesaway from OW.
I won't give up without a fight.
The future????
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