Caught WW in a BOLD FACE LIE on New Years Eve. Lost temper and was verbley abusive and pushed her. She now is telling me she doesn't want me near her (She says she still loves me but she is so upset that she does not want me to be near her. How long should I be punished for this? I have apoligized over and over. She is talking to me and friendly but there is no intamacy

What did she lie about?

I knew she was reading my E-mail and I confronted her about it.

Personally I don't blame her. NEVER should you have laid a hand on her...no matter how angry you were. And for what...reading your email?? Do you have something to hide?

I'm not sure I would ever forgive my H if he pushed me.

Is she a WW or is she a FWW?

Do you demand your wife is an open book? Do you monitor her e-mail? Do you expect her to be accountable for her time? All of this is accepted and is not a love buster when regaining trust after an affair. Doesn’t mean it’s a one-way street. If you expect her to be accountable and open you should be so too.

The only “issue” you might have is if she did this secretly and denied. You or your wife should be able to look in each others mail, email, mobiles, accounts etc. without asking the other or even without telling but if asked than you should be truthful.

So yes – this is a love buster. I see from earlier posts that you do have trust issues. My only suggestion if you want to clear things up with your wife with the help of IC or MC. Although still early days trust has to be rebuilt. (I also see in another older post you claim to be a man. Is this a same-sex marriage?)

Regarding the shoving. You have to convince your wife this was a one-off event. We have very little patience for abuse here – no matter how provoked. I guess commiting to MC or IC would go a long way to do that.

Are you and your wife both female?

I think that the gender of the infidelity partner is relevant, especially since you are both females and the OP is male.

Is your wife wantng a baby perhaps?

no, when asked her sex, she said "woman"

This physical/verbal abuse was just 9 days ago .... I don't think her reaction is "punishment" ...I think it is natural to avoid/fear/reject someone who pushes/yells. A week isn't very long.

What have you done since then to make her feel safe around you?

Why can't she read your emails?

You're not being punished, you are learning something about yourself and something about your spouse.

My mistake! In an older post Jjjjjj1 states he/she is a woman – not a man. However the contents of all other letters indicate he/she is a man unless it’s a same-sex marriage therefore my question. No - gender is not an issue as far as pain or the immorality of an affair but it could affect the advice given.

Jjjjjjj1 – this mix up could reflect on your trust issues. In all openness and honesty I do advice you to get professional help on this issue. Reconciliation is doomed without the trust coming back. I know the reason for it going is most likely your wife’s behavior.

See: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2879315