Just a little background...I have been lurking here for sometime, but this is my first post. WH and I have been separated since 4/04, but he claims relationship with OW did not start until the fall of 04. Don't know if I believe that, but at this point it doesn't really matter. He moved out of state and we went several months with no contact whatsoever. I was just too hurt and bitter to do anything even close to a Plan A. This past spring, I became convicted to try and establish some contact and dialouge, if for no other reason so that I would know that I had done everthing possible to save my marriage. It wasn't easy, not truly a Plan A as he lives 800 miles away. But thru email and some phone contact I was able to show him that I do take full responsibility for my part in the failure of our marriage, that I have changed for the better in significant ways and continue to work on those areas that I still need to improve. For a short while I thought some progress was being made and we were having some real honest and constructive communication. Then in the fall he just quit responding or interacting in anyway. He finally told me it was because "it was becoming too easy and comfortable". He was afraid it was leading to a reconciliation and he didn't want to go there. Those were his exact words.
Some events over the holidays (won't go into those as this is already too long)convinced me that it is time for Plan B and I wanted some opinions on a letter. I realize it is a bit different from many that have been posted and I worry that it is too "LB" and too "bible thumping", but my faith is very important to me and it USED to be important to him. And everything I say in it is absolutely true. The more contact we have the more I just think "YUCK, what a loser"
Anyway, opinions and constructive crticism are welcome.
WH,
I have asked Pastor, and he has agreed to be an intermedatior between us. Not in any pastoral or couseling role, but simply as a neutral third party to pass necessary information between us so that we no longer have to have any personal contact. From this time forward, I will not contact you directly nor will I respond in anyway to direct contact from you. I have you blocked from both my email and cell. You can contact the kids directly and make whatever arranagement you want to make about seeing them directly with them.
I want you to understand that this is not about punishing you or something I am doing out of anger. Earlier this year I felt very convicted to try and reestablish a relationship with you, one based on respect and mutual affection not necessairly a reconciliation. I have done my very best to be obedient to that, but ironically it has had the opposite effect and as time goes on and the more contact we have it seems that we show each other less and less respect and affection The more I try to connect with you, even in ordinary and supeficial ways, the more unkind and contemptuous you become. The more I understand just how much you have hardened your heart against God and living a righteous life, the less respect I have for you and the more I am reminded of your unwillingness to humble yourself and your inclination to always do what you perceive to be best for you regardless of the consequences for anyone else and regardless of whether or not it is even right...and still expect somehow for it to turn out well. How little you have changed or grown in that area really became obvious to me when you acknowledged that you know that what you have done, and continue to do is a sin. But you apparently believe that God will still bless you and your relationship with OW anyway. That is simply not true.
[color:"red"] [/color] De 29:19 When someone hears the words of this oath, he may bless himself in his mind, thinking, 'I will have peace even though I follow my [own] stubborn heart.' This will lead to the destruction of the well-watered [land] as well as the dry [land].
I know, and have expressed to you, how miserably I failed you in many ways as a wife, friend and lover. I have repented and asked for your forgiveness, I have actively worked on those areas that God has revealed to me that were lacking. But apparently you have not reached that point. I do believe that someday you will, but it is becoming obvious to me that you will have to hit rock bottom before you do. If you ever get to a place where you are ready for true repentance, when OW is no longer part of your life and you truly want to be the Godly father and husband that God wants you to be (and I believe that in your heart you want to be), then I want there to be something left for us to rebuild on. At the rate we are going there won't be anything but hurt, bitterness, distrust and disrespect. I am truly afraid that I will have completely and totally lost any desire to rebuild. And if that time never comes, if you never decide to begin seeking God's will again, then the less contact we have now will make it much easier for me to move on and rebuild my life. The hurtful words, the distorted accusations and harsh judgements on both of our parts keep me in such emotional, mental and spiritual turmoil that it is difficult for me to make positive, constructive changes. I can't move on until the hostility stops and it appears that the hostility won't stop until contact does.
What started out as an effort to rebuild some sort of relationship with you has ended up with me being more and more comfortable with ...and even beginning to want..no relationship or contact with you at all.. I don't know, maybe, that was the point and how God was preparing me for not only what seems inevitable, but where He wants me to be. At any rate, I know that the less contact we have the less we hurt each other and no matter what happens between us that can only be good
