This morning I am sitting in the car with my husband and he tells me that he cant be with me anymore and that he wants a divorce. I imstantly start crying. He says he just cant handle the way things are anymore and cant handle all the suspicion that I have towards him. I couldnt even say anything, I had been expecting this for awhile now, and I kind of went numb inside. I asked him not to give up on me, not to give up on us, and he said he cant take it anymore. Then he started to say something and I had to get out of the car and go get my daughter from inside her class had ended.
I came back to the car, so dazed and confused that I actually walked up to the wrong car. I opened the door to put in my daughter and said "HEHE i went to the wrong car" and he giggled back and said yeah i noticed.
I went around and got in the car, and then he asked if he could take me and the kids to get some lunch. I started crying again. I told him I didnt want anything, and that I would take care of the kids at home, and he can leave and go to the office to take care of his crap.
He looked at me and said "Dont cut me out of your life, I have always taken care of you and that is never going to change" I replied "You are the one cutting me out of your life, and yes it is going to change, because you want to give up your life with me and the kids, you want to give up being the one that takes care of us, thats your decision, Im the one begging you to stay and work on our problems, work on having a better life and a better marriage." I cried some more and told him to just take us home.
We got to the house and his phone rang, he said Hello, can I call you back in 20 min. I knew this meant it was the OW.
I said why dont you talk to her now. He said it wasnt her it was Mike. I said so talk to him then. He said ill call him back in 20 min.
We got the kids inside and he started to argue with me about how I dont love him because I am suspicious of his behavior, and that I am making something out of nothing. That the OW is not what I think she is, she is nothing more than a employee and a friend.
I told him that if he didnt want me to be suspicious to stop giving me reasons to be. I said prove to me that you are honest with me, prove to me that you arent lying and hiding things from me. I said show me, show me your phone, show me it was Mike that called and not the OW. He said he left his phone outside (which was a lie). He wouldnt show me the phone. He said I dont have to prove myself to you. I told him to go, go to work, go take care of your important work.
So he drove off. He called me 2 min later (he never calls me anymore) says he cant find his wallet, i tell him it isnt in the house, he calls back 2 min later says he found it. Tells me that he will only be 1 hour at the office, and I said ok whatever ill see you later. He called back 2 min later. He asked if I was ok. I said NO. No I am not ok. He said he was sorry. I told him my sister and parents were coming and the kids and I were going to lunch with them. He asked me when he should come home. He asked if I needed time alone with them, when should he come home. I told him to come home whenever he was ready to come home. Then he said why dont you call me when you are ready for me to come home.
I went to lunch and called him at 3pm to tell him I was on my way home, and asked if he was coming home. He said he would leave in a few min, but had to stop at Mikes house to drop something off because some guy never showed up and he has been sitting in the office for 3 hours playing games on the pc waiting. At 4:15 I call to ask if/when he will be coming home. He is still at Mikes house, says he will leave in 5 min. Calls me back 3 min later to say ooooh guy us on his way here, I will wait for him be home soon. Gets home around 5.
Something changed.......
The kids and I were about to watch a movie, he asked if he could join us. We all said of course. We watched a movie, and then he asked if he could make me dinner. I thanked him for the kind jesture, but declined because my tummy was upset and I was still full from lunch. But he made food for the kids. He even cleaned up after dinner. We went and put the kids to bed.
We came back to the family room, and he started to play WoW, I flipped thru the tv stations and setteled on comedy central, figuring I could use a good laugh. Blue Collar Comedey was on. He stopped playing and asked if he could sit and watch with me. I said of course. 3/4 the way through he got up and said he was going to bed. He said nite and asked me to promise him that I wouldnt do something stupid like sleep on the couch, and that if I was going to be uncomfortable with him in bed with me that he would leave so I could have the bed. I said good nite and sleep well.
I went in the bedroom and he was watching tv, not sleeping, he said he wanted to watch the end of the movie did I want to watch too, I said no thanks told him to enjoy it and sleep well. I went to come wallow in misery here. He came out to talk to me 5 min later.
He said it had been awhile since he had felt the baby move and asked me to tell him if she was moving around again.
Something changed........
He seemed...emotional
I sat for a minute, I walked into the bedroom, and he was laying in bed, I asked if he was sleeping but could see his eyes were red, and watery.
I asked if he wanted to talk. He said no. He said he was too mad at me. He said why!!! why did this happen to us!!!
Tears started to pour down his face. He was crying so hard (I have been with him 10 years and never seem him cry like this before. He has shed tears when we were married, when our kids were born, when his grandma was in the hospital near death, but not like this.) He couldnt believe that he was melting down in front of me. I didnt know how to react. I just wanted to listen to anything he had to say. He said nothing, he just cried.
I lay down next to him and held him tight, he put his arms around me and began to squeeze me close to him, he crys even harder, and is trembling. He tells me he misses me. He feels my belly next to his and puts his hand on me to see if he can feel the baby. He sits us up and starts crying harder again.
He says "god I love you...i miss you so much" "why did this have to happen to us" "we had it so good, why did we have to move" "I would give years off my life to be able to go back and not move here" He cusses god for doing this to us. And then asks please, if we are meant to be we are meant to be and everything will work out. He tells me again he misses me. I tell him that I miss him too. But that he doesnt have to miss me because I am right here for him whenever he wants me, that I am always here for him. He is still crying like crazy.
He calls me some pet names he hasnt called me in months. I lay beside him and he cuddled up next to me with his hand on my tummy. He hasnt done anything like this in a month. I asked him not to give up on me, not to give up on us, not to give up on our family. He says "Im still here". I sais yes but after this morning I am asking you again. I ask if it is too late. He says I dont know. I tell him that I dont think it is. I say that we can work through anything if we want it. We can work to make our marriage and committment to one other better and stronger and more wonderful than it ever was before.
He is still rubbing my tummy and holding me. I put my hand on his face and I kiss him on the lips, he kissed me back. I put my head near his chest and we lay holding each other.
He asked me how my garden was growing....I said she is doing so good right now, she can feel love now. She likes when you rub my tummy, and so do I.
I tell him that I am his angel (he calls me that) and not to throw me away. He leans in and kissed me.
His pelvis is touching my hip, and my hand is on his thigh.
I feel something that has not happened in over a month. (Use your imagination, I dont want to get graphic). I am kind of startled by this. And his hand was migrating north of my tummy. I am getting a bit freaked. He asked if he could make love to me. He said he misses me so much, and he wants to be with me, he wants this, it feels so right. I asked if he was sure what he was doing. I say it has been so long.
I then start freaking myself out wondering if there is an alterior motive here. It felt so good to be intimate with him again,to have him kiss me and hold me and just make any kind of skin to skin contact was amazing, and yet I was so scared all at the same time.
I dont know where to go with this. It was so unexpected. I wasnt prepared for anything like this to happen, especially after what went on today.
As if I wasnt confused enough before, now I just dont know whats going on at all.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
