My DDs (5 & 12) have recently been introduced to the OW by STBX (against my wishes) and have started visiting at their place. Today they went around for lunch for the first time.

Everything they could possibly have wished for was provided. Lunch was all their favourites, and afterwards they ate cake, sweets, and had hot chocolate with squirty cream on top.

They played non-stop games and used all the expensive art materials that WH had bought them for Christmas.

Then they came back here, had baked potatoes with beans and wilted salad for their dinner, and were faced with me forced to virtually ignore them whilst I rushed about getting everything ready for their return to school tomorrow.

How can I compete with the paradise of fun and delicious food that STBX lays before them when they are over at his place? I can only afford to buy the very cheapest food, not the delights that he can. I can't drop everything and play with them like he does when he is with them, because I have to wash/iron/clean and cook. He didn't cook anything for them, it was all from the top-class local deli near where they live. Heck - he even served the food on paper plates to them this afternoon, and then they all made masks out of the ones left over. It's all so easy for him - he doesn't even have to wash up after them - plates go in the bin and he can continue playing!

DD5 can't stop talking about how great it is over there. DD12 doesn't say much - I suspect she is alot more uncomfortable, but she's too much of a good girl to make a fuss. Next Sunday will be even worse - it's STBX's 39th birthday, so he'll probably take them out for a fabulous time.

I know that the things I do for the kids - the boring, mundane stuff - is really the important stuff, and it needs to be done. But I wish there wasn't such a contrast between me and STBX now! I wish I wasn't so obviously the boring carer, and STBX the fun, money-spending renegade dad!

If you were 5, which would you prefer - expensive deli food and hot chocolate with squirty cream, or a dried out baked potato???

Worst of all, DD5 really seems to like the Omelette (OW). But I knew she would. She's got such a big heart and wants everyone to be happy in her little world.

She's even started drawing the four of them (DD5, DD12, STBX and OW) in little family pictures together.

Sigh.

Alph.

Ouch! I know this hurts!

Well, I guess the one thing you can hold onto for comfort, is just knowing that they're not being mistreated or neglected when visiting there.

I know you think this makes you look bad to them, but deep down, they know who they can REALLY depend on in times of need! They'd be lost without you, and no amount of candy, materials or fun could ever replace you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

I am also worried about when the children meet the OW. She has no children of her own, and I feel like she will try to take my spot! She will be cuddling my 6 month old baby and playing mommy to my 2 yr old! Having fun with them, and my husband. Then after the day, pass the children back to me... Gee...tough life... The OW and my STBXH have the fun times with the babies, while I have the rough times... teaching them things, while they sit back and awwwww about them... Toilet training, feeding the baby, etc.etc.

You know, I was a stepmom once too. I remember saying to the mom, would you rather I not like my SS?

Now that the tables are turned, I am chewing on my own words...

However, for me, I wasn't the affair that split the 1st wife and STBXH up... the OW was...

When I met my SS he was 3 yrs old, and they were separated for 6 months....not 6 months old and OW moved right in...

sigh...

here I go...on the road I never wanted to take...

I can kinda see both sides to this one. I've been a step-mom for 9 years (NOT OW-his WXW was remarried when we met). I love my step-sons like my own, but I fully realize that I could never come close to replacing their mom.

Be happy that OW is nice to your children. It would be great if she actually cares about their well being. However, be confident that you will be always be their mother.

Now that my WH has filed for D, he is trying to turn SS's against me. However, it's not working. Why? Youngest SS (who lives with and adores his mother) said that I was the only one that ever disaplined him. He said "OW is nice but your my step-mom." He trusts me, not WH. I was never the fun one like WH.

Kids are smarter than you think. They know where home and security is even though it may appear "boring" at times.