bump

Look at willingtowait2's thread -- that's where the two of us will be in a few years if we accept a marriage of convenience. I'd say there are worse things than divorce.
Cherished

Even though I never dreamed I would get divorced I absolutely agree.

it took me awhile to get to the point i was ready to NOT accept the life i had. it wasnt worth the pain. i think your there. time to make a stand. it aint easy, but if he really wants the marriage....it may very well be the kick in the [censored] he needs.

You are right. I am not willing to settle for this. I am worth more than crumbs and being 5th or 6th on my spouse's priority list.

Well before the A I use to joke with H saying that if he ever had an affair I wouldn't divorce him I would just make the rest of his life miserable. In reality thats not the way I want to live my life...

Nikko...I forget how far north you are. I'm in Camden County.
I guess I could ask Giants or Eagles? Devils or Flyers?

C - You do sound like you know what you want and what you don't want. YOU are the only person who can make that decision. I know that I am not ready to leave my husband.

Whatever you decide to do I think you need to be ready for whatever reaction you H will have. Make sure you have mentally prepared yourself. He could go either way...he could decide he wants to try and make the marriage work or he can decide that he also wants a divorce and be glad you made the step he could not.

So you sound strong and sure of yourself. Do what is right for you. Maybe once you tell him you are filing for D he will then move out and give you the space you want.

I feel bad because I think a marriage has a better chance of survival if both are in the same home, but that goes against Plan B and that may be what you are ready for.

All of that to say...do what is best for you. You have a lot of support here no matter what you decide!

Thanks for the support lost.
I really hoped that it would never come to this. I've tried every thing I could to show him the way....but you know men and directions. I don't know what he will choose. I just know I don't want to live with someone who does not care for me.

I have appointment with SH next Tuesday

My sister is going thru a difficult sit -my BIL does not talk to her and will not leave the home. She talked to her lawyer and that is a form of abuse and he can be made to leave the home. So ck in to that with your lawyer. BIL -sits in another room will not talk to her ect. Tehy are leading seperate lives. He will not talk to her at all.

im in warren county---right on the pennsy border. hubby and i are giants fans....ys is a eagles fan...go figure!!lol equal distance to both stadiums..lol

if ya ever want a day out in the country----let me know...lol

HI realtor*

Looks like your situation is improving some..I hope it continues.

I know how your sister feels. My WH doesn't ignore me all the time. He will answer if I speak to him usually 1 or 2 word response. On rare occassions he'll speak sentences and even paragraphs! But that is usually pretty short lived.

same with her. That is how he is. also. Tell your lawyer.

My sitch is still questionable. I am trying to find out is there has been further ontact. I think there has been.

Hi C42,

quote:------------------------------------------------------
I just know I don't want to live with someone who does not care for me.
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Your S cannot do this until OP is out of your lives.....

Would you say that this is clear to your S?

I think discussing it with SH is a good idea.... so that YOU can have a clear plan....

Your S maybe waiting to see how serious you are about this and what you are willing to do to change your life..... in the meantime....if contact is still ON, he is cake-eating.... so he doesn't feel the need to make a MOVE....

Sounds to me you are getting stronger.... sounds to me you're hitting your limit... see what SH says about this.... you don't want to lose all your love for your S if you want to give your M a shot in the future..... if and when your S comes around.....

From my personal experience, I find PLAN B tough to be in sometimes... but it helps me to keep WS away from me.... until OP is out of his life, there is no chance for my H to reappear.....

It's the same for you C42.... your S may have to be put in a position to choose.... because right now he THINKS he has it all.... not realizing that it's more like a 'slow death' to the M.....

The tricky part for you is that he doesn't want to move out....

I am sorry your WS/S isn't 'getting it'..... and that it will be up to you to make a move....

....just know that whatever you will have to do, you will be OK.....it will be hard, it will hurt.... but you will be OK.

HUGS from me.... I will be thinking of you.....

Not good. Isn't he old enough to have a larger vocabulary?!!?!? Tell him so. Then stop meeting the obvious needs.... you know like washing clothes.....cooking, folding his laundry.

Is that mean? No, it is communcation. See some WS think if they ignore or shut the BS out, it's ok. Well it isn't and if they make it difficult to communicate.....well there are other ways. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

WH is tossing crumbs to apease me. Yesterday he got tickets for he and I and friends of his (pro marriage) to go on a 4 day weekend to the Daytona 500. (in mid Febuary NASCAR's superbowl) Last night I went to the movies with a friend. When I got home he was in bed tossing and turning...couldn't sleep. Tonight I told him I have plans that I had been invited out with people from work. (One of my co-workers is celebrating her D of abusive H, after 25 years she decided she had had enough).

I am kind of just sitting tight until I talk to SH Tuesday. WH is going away on 3 day business trip I was thinking of packing SAA in his suitcase. (he leaves Monday morning returns Wednesday night)

Ok......well you know about how that patience part is a requirement for us BS', right?!?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

I know patience is suppose to be a virtue. I think my patience with his "friendship" just enabled the A. I can see my patience leading me to where willing2wait is. I read Ark^^ post on BE STILL...for the most part I agree...but I think I have been still long enough.

I will talk to SH Tuesday...I can wait a while longer.

^^bump^^

Hi C42,

Sounds like it's getting tougher and tougher for you to hang in there....

quote:--------------------------------------------------
I will talk to SH Tuesday...I can wait a while longer.
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Good idea.... you and SH can work on a plan of action... need a timeframe.... need to evaluate options.... something to sink your 'teeth' into!

quote:--------------------------------------------------
Yesterday he got tickets for he and I and friends of his (pro marriage) to go on a 4 day weekend to the Daytona 500. (in mid Febuary NASCAR's superbowl)
--------------------------------------------------------

.....can you see yourself enjoying this?! Experiencing together 'enjoyable' moments can't hurt...

quote:---------------------------------------------------
Last night... When I got home he was in bed tossing and turning...couldn't sleep.
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....I see that as a good sign.... doesn't sound he's too happy with himself/situation.... or would sleep like a baby!

...in the meantime....keep talking to 'us'.....

Hi Luna,
Its just getting so old. When we are around family and friends we are fine...good even. So yes, I think we would have a good time down in Daytona. Its that elephant in the room when we are alone. I want it gone...and he keeps saying "What elephant?" He is holding back...keeping something from me. Guilt? Shame? Continuing A? I don't know.

He left on a business trip to Puerto Rico for 3 days. In his suitcase I packed SAA and attached the following note:

WS,
We are at an impass. You are not willing to discuss our issues and I am not willing to ignore them. When I think of our future I can come up with a long list of benefits for us to stay together...and only 2 reasons we should separate. 1)You don't feel love for me. 2) I'm not happy with the marriage we have. Those 2 reasons out weigh all the others. I believe there is a way to change the reasons to separate but we have to do it together. This book gave me hope. Please read the 1st 5 pages and I think you'll see why. It also goes on to explain why no contact with OW is so important.

In the past I made jokes about how I would never divorce you. That I would spend the rest of my life making your life miserable. In reality, I would never do that to you or myself. I think we deserve better, I hope you do too.
Love,
C42

Don't know if I should have done it but it felt right. After our discussion last weekend...the past week I've been more loving detached...and he has been persuing me. He seems to be a little more open. He even called me just to talk while he was waiting for his plane. (The kids and I had gone to my sister's for the day.) I expected to come home and find the book on the bed. I guess he didn't find it yet.

I'm looking forward to talking to Steve in the morning...to develope a plan.