Hi,

Yesterday H and I are relaxing, both of us ill with terrible colds. he'd made a fire and all of the sudden our "friend" shows up. She'd commented that the fire was so hot she thought she was burning and I had commented that he always leaves the screen open and sometimes it will spark. When she came in I jokinggly said to stay away from me as I am so ill.

As is usual, she's here for like 3 1/2 minutes and he starts talking to me like I am "crap" and we have a horrible blowout after she leaves.It got quite ugly, we aren't speaking and I am now sleeping in another room. Everytime we are around her this kind of thing happens.

I just don't think that I can take this anymore. He sees absolutely no problem with his relationship/friendship with her. He says that I am mental for thinking anything. But I can feel it whenever she's around and see how he lights up around her.

TIA for letting me sound off.

Doesn't sound like much of a "friend". One suggestion--

POJA!!

If BOTH of you don't ENTHUSIASTICALLY agree that this "friend" is a friend of the marriage, good for you both, and SAFE for your M, she's not worth your time.

As is usual, she's here for like 3 1/2 minutes and he starts talking to me like I am "crap"

what exactly does that mean...

what is an example...

ARK

Can't have a POJA if one spouse is unwilling to follow it. Or for that matter even agree with the principal.

Jinxie's H has denied there is anything between himself and OW.


Jinxie, Remember you are in Plan A right. No more angry outbursts like that. However, you should come up with a plan (Smarter MB'ers than me can help you) on how to deal with her company and H's reactions. Plan A does not mean doormat, nor does it mean you let your H to tread all over your boundries. Seek some help with that. ARK is very good at the Plan A while still securing your boundries.

Jinxie there is a thread below this one by CNAMZMAT on settig boundries without Love Busting. Check it out.

Obviously there is a problem when she is around - you had a blow-up and are not sleeping together.

I would explain to husband that you may be completely crazy, but since you are his wife of 20 some years, to please humor you.

ANYTHING that causes problems in a marriage should be avoided.

Tom-thanks for the support, but you don't seem to understand. The way he talks to me. It's like Dr. Jekyl just completely took over. And-over really nothing. Then he said some terrible awful things to me. I guess that's what they call rewriting the marital history. I dunno.

I am so crushed that I cannot eat, sleep and find it difficult to breathe.

Jinxie,

I think I may have warned you about the marital revisions that WS are apt to make. But you must refrain from angry outbursts even if he does say nasty things to you. WS say the most cruel, unreasonable and illogical things sometimes, (no make that most of the time).

If you have to, ... just look at him with as neutral a face as you can. You H sounds like he is moving into the FOG and you might want to give a call out to ORCHID. She is excellent at speaking "babble" I'll see if I can find a link for you.

My STBX was extremely cruel to me most times. Always trying to provoke me and giving me little nasty comments each time I turned a corner. She was relentless. Most times I took it, learned some of Orchid babble. I did have some angry outbursts when I found her on the phone with her lover. I told her not to do that in our house, that she should go down to the local hotel like any other cheating wife.

Hang in there Jinxie.

Jinxi try this post.
Reverse Babble
Read the whole thread.

Orchid explains:

You are emotional now, so don't say too much. Reason and Logic do not work on a WS.

The angry reactions you are giving him (and the OW) are exactly what he wants. He will twist it to use those reactions against you, to blame you.

Go to it Jinxie. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />



.

Thank you Tom. I just feel like nothing will help because he doesn't even admit that there is a problem. She is JUST A FRIEND, he's got no interest in sex with her etc.

When we went to the New Year's party there was no denying the connection between them-you could feel it to the bones.Other people in the neighborhood have noticed it as well and made comments to me when at the grocery store etc. Not only that but whenever she's around he avoids all intimacy with me.

Ex: On Sun. when she came over we were snuggled on the sofa together by the fireplace we both have had bad colds. When she came in he literally flies off of the sofa away from me.He'd just said that he didn't feel well etc. So when she came in (she's a nurse for a very busy family doctor's office) I said don't come to near us as we're both sick with colds. He uses this to start the fight by saying speak for yourself, you're the sick one leave me out of it. His whole tone of voice with me was terrible. He turns into a major jerk. He went Mr. Hyde in a snap. Is this common?!

Tom I am going to try really,really hard to keep my mouth together here and try this suggestion you've given me above.

Yes this is normal sorry to tell you. It can get worse. Now get back in the marital bed. Mine told his OW I had moved out after a fight but never told her I moved back in after one night. Helps them justify their A. Put your heart away right now and save it for later. They will try to hurt you with everythin g they can right now.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />