I recently read 'His Needs, Her Needs' and realized just how much my fiance hadn't been meeting my needs. I really don't know how to express the ideas in the book to him, and he isn't a reader. I did get him to do the Emotional Needs Questionaire, and we've been working on trying to meet each other's needs better. After some reading on the marriagebuilders website though, I also discovered that he does the majority of the Love Busters as well, which is why, even though we are working on the Emotional Needs, I still feel emotionally detached.

Is there any hope for us if we're at this point already and aren't even married yet? I'd like to think so, but we're both stubborn and independent. I really just want it to be like it was when we fell in love!

We've also been having arguements about what I'll do with my house once we get married. He's in the military, and will be coming back to the area to finish college in a few years, and I would prefer to rent it to a friend who will keeps it as is and pay the mortgage and utilities until then, and then have a rental company rent it out for a profit. He doesn't want the hassle.

Any thoughts?

I’m no expert and my only experience in marriage is less than 4 years but I’ll give it a go since no one has responded.

You “might” want to consider yourself lucky by identifying a lot of these issues before marriage. I know a lot of people (myself included) have worried away years of their life on issues like these before either calling it quits or getting help. Of course there is always hope and that’s really what this website is all about.

I would encourage him to continue to talk to you about the emotional needs as well as the love busters. Communication is everything in a marriage, but it is one of the hardest things. Now is your chance to swallow your pride, roll up your sleeves and let him know how you feel and what you need in this relationship. Make sure you hear his feelings and what he needs as well. Try to avoid LB in these conversations and always keep a positive attitude. You owe it to yourself and him to before try and iron out these issues before you’re officially married.

Like I said I’m no expert, but good luck!