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Hello Folks, I recently was diagnosed with a large brain tumor. My wife of 32 years has been cheating for over three years. Although my diagnosis is recent, I have been ill for four years. I am trying to focus on my health first but emotionally it is difficult to do. I almost died in August. Anyone else here dealing with cheating spouse and medical issues?
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No, but if your health goes you won't be able to fight for your marriage. Is there a living with cancer support group in your area? Start there.
Are you being treated for your tumor? Is it operable?
What are you doing as far as stress reduction? Yoga, prayer, exercise? What kind of diet are you on?
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What is the type of tumor? Malignant? Benign? Course of therapy you are about to undergo?
me-FBS M-6/84 3 great kids
A-2/03-5/04 DDay-5/8/04 WD - severe-5/04-9/04 with continuing C; NC ltr-9/3/04
In Recovery with God's help
Praying for all WS/BS. Blessings!
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The tumor is not operable. It is pressing against too many vital parts of the brain. I believe I can still beat it, primarily with radiation therapy. It is a steep climb, but I am strong and positive. I cannot fathom how my wife could start an affair while I was so ill. I have been in the hospital 5 times. She complains about how far it is to drive to visit me. It is less than 2 miles. Apparently, it prevents her from being with the other man.
When I first had severe symptoms, our cars were blocked by our kids' cars and the OM drove my wife and I to the hospital. I was in intensive care for hours and my wife kept going out to the waiting area because she didn't wnat him to "wait by himself". Never mind that I was in agony and pain and she couldn't stay by my side.
It was the first shot she fired a shot across the bow...
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Oh gosh, that's terrible.......I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.
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Todd,
I have no great words of wisdom at this moment. Flukette and I will pray for you and your situation though.
Be blessed.
Me (BS) 36
FWW 35
Married 5/25/91
DS-7
DD - Born 11/8/05 !!!
PA #1 12/1996
PA #2 4/01 to 1/04
NC 1/04
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Don't think exposure is a good idea? Go here...
From Harley Himself
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Hi ToddAC
I am so sorry you find yourself in such a tough situation. You are right to focus on one thing at a time. Your health is your number one priority right now. Frankly although it is very hard to do. I would put on hold any and all discussion on marriage issues while you undergo your treatment and recover. Whenever, it arises in your mind, you have to let it go and say we will deal with that later right now I have to get better.
I don't think you can deal with both at the same time. All the negative emotions that arise from these types of situations will be particularly damaging right now.
You and your wife will be in my prayers...
PB
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Folks, thank you for your replies and help.
Tonight, my wife and I had an incredible blowout argument.
She started it by throwing the past few years up to me. She is very bitter that I have a brain tumor.
Note: I am not bitter about the tumor.
I am bitter that she cheated on me.
I am very strong when it comes to the tumor.
I believe in my heart of hearts that I can beat it.
My wife has given up apparently.
Anyway, a little tired and perplexed right now so I will close.
Thank you all again.
Todd
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ToddAC,
Do you know what the stages of grieving are? ONe of them is anger. I think your W is grieving, but I also think she is one cold hearted woman. Deal with your health, as you may know the best revenge is a life well lived and I truely hope that you get to extract that revenge and live a long and prosperous life.
Get to work on that goal.
God Bless,
JL
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ToddAC,
Do you know what the stages of grieving are? ONe of them is anger. I think your W is grieving, but I also think she is one cold hearted woman. Deal with your health, as you may know the best revenge is a life well lived and I truely hope that you get to extract that revenge and live a long and prosperous life.
Get to work on that goal.
God Bless,
JL Agree 100% with the above. If I were you, I'd focus all of your energy on beating this cancer. If you are gonna get tx for this, you can't possibly propser with a negative force like your current WW in your life. I don't have anything else to say to you. God, I wish I did. When people get down on themselves, and start a pity party for themselves, they need to read your story and get some perspective. Lem
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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Thank you for the kind words and prayers. I joined a local brain tumor support group this week. Still dealing with a cheating wife who has no guilt or remorse. In fact, she will not discuss her affair. Any tips as to how I can motivate her to discuss it? I believe airing it out is the first step in my accepting it.
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Let's see...
You have an inoperable brain tumor AND your wife of 32 years is exhibiting sub-human compassion?
Sorry if I am off base here, but my troll-ometer is buzzing a bit. Your telling us this person, whom you spent 32 years married to, forget the affair and any "fog" that entails, has ZERO sympathy or compassion? I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I a bit skeptical on this one...
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I don't know what troll-ometer means?
What are you skeptical about?
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Hanzo, I looked up troll-ometer to see what it means. Let me assure you, what I am going through is real. Finally, yesterday my wife admitted the affair and the guilt came pouring out. We'll see where we go from here.
Hanzo, I took the liberty of reading several of your posts. I encourage other members to read your posts and I believe that they will come to the same conclusion that I did.
I would greatly appreciate no more comments from you. I don't need your [censored] right now.
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Todd,
There is an "ignore" function for posts that you do not want to read, from posters you do not wish to deal with. If you use that, you can post in peace.
Glad you found a support group.
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ToddAC,
I think your energy would be better used to addressed your therapy and recovery. Your W being in an A for the last several years is NOT going to be of much use to you, even if she ends it right now. Further, you will not have the strength to address both the issues of your mortality and the fight for your life, and the issues of your W's choices.
Please focus on your health right now.
God Bless,
JL
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Bellevue, thank you. Hanzo has been ignored.
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JL, thank you. I am concentrating on my health, doing all I can. To an extent, I have compartmentalized my wife and my tumor. In fact, my WW has made dealing with the tumor easier. Don't get me wrong, dealing with the tumor is highly emotional and scary. But, it pales compared to the emotional turmoil at the hands of my WW.
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