I want a tummy tuck!

I had my breasts reduced and lifted in 2004. They are now a very perky nice D cup which is proportionate on my height and frame...I am fairly tall and so do not look heavy - just rolly in many areas...the 170 carries well - makes me a size 12...but i would like to be the 8/9 again...

For me it's motivation lol - to get on my eliptical machine...it really does it for me...food diets don't seem to do much for me - (atkins, body for life) but hard excersize makes a difference. I had been down to 160 in the spring/summer with the stressed of H...

I used to belong to Curves and it worked but I can't find the time any more. I want something I can do at home. Plus I tend to turn to comfort food when I am stressed. I gained 25 lbs after my A was exposed.

FF,

I put all of my "evil" size 6 and 8's in the basement...they mocked me daily in my closet, the little jerks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Mrs. W, I GAVE most of mine away, LOL Couldn't stand them mocking me either! I broke down and bought two pair of size 12 pants due to pms making the 10 tight.

Mrs W and FF

I never saw OM as future material - I always wanted my husband, I had convinced myself that H didn't want me. And Om was making me feel good - but he would talk about what if we ran away together and I would get mad at him, that I would never have a future with him...

So why risk it for a man who I didn't even want to be with for more than what it was at the time? I felt good...I felt good as a woman...and at that point in my life that obviously was the most important thing to me...

FF I gave most of mine away too - they sat there for 5 years and I said screw it - If and when I loose weight I deserve the new wardrobe lol

Dorry...

I think that's what A's are all about right? The (selfish) I want a quick fix to feel good about me want...That's definitely how I felt.

And when I'm having a really bad day, I must confess that I miss that "high flying feeling", not the OM, not the A, just that heightened sense of well being...do you guys know what I'm talking about?

That's one of those brutally honest inflammatory things that I mentioned before...I know I'm really asking for it, but it's honest, ugh!

Mrs. W

I know what you mean - but it was a convoluded flying high - if that makes sense. We allowed ourselves to be convinced of things so that our world was fine - we knew who we were, what we wanted and had this confindence that we didn't have before - but it was all based on a build of things that weren't really facts.

I want to feel that way again - but based on REALITY...that means fixing alot of me that was broken so that I can be happy with real life...ya know?

Yes, I liked the reflection of me in OM's eyes in the beginning and like feeling (oh I hate to say this)sexy. But the conflict in my was HIGH! I did not like being a liar and a cheater. I did not like risking my whole world just to feel good.

It was the escape from the reality of everyday life and the problems within that gave me that feeling...It took me back to the carefree high school/college days...who better to be on that trip with than the person with whom you experienced it before? Also, I'm from a very small southern town, and the sense of "dating" my old sweetheart gave me the feelings of security from my childhood...I now live up in the great white north, away from my whole family and old friends, etc. I don't want this to sound like an excuse list, I am very aware of how wrong that I was, just exploring all the whys of what got me to that point.

And, FF, I know what you mean about feeling sexier...and younger and cooler...and, you fill in the "look at me, I'm so great" blank here...

I was the person that would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that I would never cheat...dangerous attitude, IMO! I will say, and I may really get it for this, the one thing that still bothers me at time on MBers are those BSes that feel they DEFINITELY WOULD NEVER have an A!!! I won't mention names, but you guys know, right? What I think these BSes fail to miss, is that, true, NOW that they have MB's they might not, but before I do believe that they were just as susceptible as the rest of us...Thoughts?

Mrs. W

ok, fine brutal honesty, here it comes.

first of all i am 5'4 with a small build too, so although i continue to not feel fat, i really am. i'm in a size 16! i should be in an 8. i was a size 10 3yrs ago. i don't feel fat because i've never been fat and i am still active, roller skating, raquetball, but i'm much slower at raquetball and i am not able to rock climb with my daughter anymore.

not feeling fat is really a hinderance for me.

reading your posts makes the fact that i am indeed fat very easy to see.

regarding comments about OM. how do you guys do it? i can't, i can't even deal with reading anyone else's posts.

so NOT the case for me.

nor was there any "heightened sense of well being" and certainly no "positive reflection of me in OM's eyes"

it was ugly from the start. 2 sick people using each other.

and suddenly my mood is way down.

you said brutal honesty.

i can't participate in this. i don't mean to upset anyone, no one said anything wrong. i'm going to go walking now.

talk to you guys tommorow.

{{{{FL}}}}

FL...

In hindsight, I can see my A like this too...but what I'm exploring is how I got to such an ugly place...that certainly isn't the person that I set out to be...ya know?

Though I know you may not be back until tomorrow, I want to ask you this...no disrespect intended, but if you truly felt that way, from the very beginning, how did you become involved in the A in the first place? I am really trying to learn here...please take the question from that perspective, ok?

Sorry to bring you down girl, that's not what this thread is meant to do!

Mrs. W

Hey Ladies,

Can a FBH (former betrayed husband) jump in and ask a question?

When a WW asks to return to the fold, how does a BH know if she is for real, or if she is just looking for free room and board?

RAG - isn't this really a question for the ladies husbands?

My answer to your question is I think it comes down to F A I T H. I have faith that Mrs. Wondering loves me and she shows and tells me all the time. Of course, it helps that I also have FAITH and the security to know that I am lovable.

However, in the early days of recovery, I learned a lot about how she felt by actually reading her thread and posts here and openly discussing other posters situations.

She really is quite a gal...God's perfect choice for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mr. Wondering

Mrs. W, FL wanted me to tell you she is ok and will post again tomorrow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh Mr. Wonderful,

"What a flower you are." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

-from Raising Arizona

Love You Too!


FF...

Thanks for the FL update...you know, and hope she does, that I wouldn't want to hurt anyone here for anything...

Mrs. W

Yes she knows that and so do I. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

FL - when I look back too - I see the same thing - two pieces of shiate looking to make eachother feel good...it makes me want to puke.

But when I put mysef back in that time and space -I remember what I felt then - and I know that I only felt it cause of the world I had created before OM even entered the picture...I was in a hole even before he came along...

(((FL))))

you know I have such high respect for you - and the journey you have been on. Hang in there my friend.