Suppose your FWH/WH (who knows?) travels frequently to Shanghai, China.

As a Christmas gift, since he says he is "trying," he presents you with two truly beautiful strings of real pearls and matching earrings that he bought in Shanghai. One string is interspersed with dark blue beads of lapis lazuli and is really stunning.

You wear the pearls for Christmas dinner and start to feel a little bit special again.

However, because you are not as stupid as you used to be, you enquire of FWH/WH: "Did you bring back pearls for anybody else?" (It sickens you that you have to ask this question, but again, you are not as stupid as you used to be.)

And it turns out that he gave the same pearl necklaces to at least two of his female co-workers. One is his direct report and is married, young, pretty, and normally has her boobs falling out her sweater.

The other one is married to another direct report and is someone you absolutely despise because she used to be his subordinate, knew all about his past workplace EAs, and was very very good friends with at least one OP.

You would never have known about the other necklaces if you had not asked the direct question.

O wise ones, how would you feel and what would you do? Lemonman, if you're reading this please do jump right in.
Mulan

Mulan,
I am sure that I would be very hurt. As much as I love pearls, I might try to think of a very creative method of torture using pearls.
I really don't have a good answer for you. I know I would be very hurt.

I would say:
WH these are not one of a kind and therefore are not special to me. I would call a local charity and donate them for their use. Or you can just hang them with his ties in the closet so everytime he sees them he understands how stupid he was.

Mulan:

I don't think if I WERE YOU (given your clearly stated stance on your marital situation and clear understanding what you are getting in this life by staying with your husband) I would really be uspet by this.

What's different about any of this for you? Seems like SSDD here. Your Husband is doing what he has always done. The pearls in this situation would be pittens to me if put in the correct context.

You already know what I would do if I were you, so I don't think it bears repeating.

You are getting exactly what you are paying for, so in reality you don't have much to complain about.

I'd take the pearls and add them to your jewelery collection. There is nothing different about this than any other of the multitude of things your Husband has done in your marriage.

That's how I see it anyhow.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I would enjoy the pearls (they sound beautiful), and realize that at least you got SOMETHING out of the deal.

"Getting something out of the deal" isn't something you apply to a marriage. It's something you apply to prostitution. Don't mean to insult anybody! Not implying anyone is a prossie, just saying that's not the right attitude for a marriage.

I'd hurl the pearls.

RT:

With all due respect to you, do you know the entire story of our friend Mulan?

"The right attitude" for a marriage? The pearls as mentioned above don't even scratch the surface here......not even close.

Lem

Respect taken, with gratitude.

Don't know the full story but I wasn't replying to her comments other than with my last sentence; I was replying to Believer's comment re the "deal". If the marriage has come down to a deal, then I have to admit to being very sad about this. A very dear friend of mine had this attitude throughout her marriage to an abusive man, and all the gold and diamonds in the world didn't make one jot of difference in the end. (And it was the end. She died last year.)

No, this is not a prostitution arrangement. I took care of that detail long ago. I said that I would only sleep with my husband and pearls or no pearls, he has yet to show up.
Mulan

P.S. The pearls are currently sitting in a box on top of his stack of porn mags and that's where they will stay.

No! Never said it was a prostitution arrangement!

Oh dear... I'm sorry, that's not what I meant at all. I was ONLY replying to Believer's description of the marriage as a "deal". Not to the situation, not to you, not to the marriage. Do you know what I mean? If you don't, I retract my comment and apologize without further ado.

RT - no need to apologize. I agree with you completely. Believer, I have nothing but respect for you, but this time I will disagree. The "something" I get out of this arrangement is day-to-day, hour-by-hour contact and influence over my teenage son. That's far more precious than any pearls.

Like I said, the pearls have been deposited on top of the porn mags. I will never wear them again (the pearls, that is.)
Mulan

Haha RT - you are seeing my cynicism. After 12 years of marriage, and raising 6 step-kids, I would have liked a string of pearls. All I got was "it's not you, it's me".

believer, u gotta mailing address? Do u like pearls with dark blue lapis? Bought cheap in the streets of Shanghai, and only slightly used! As long as you don't mind wearing the same jewelry as half a dozen other women, such a deal I have for you!
Mulan

RT:

It's ok..."chill".... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mulan and everyone else knows full well what you meant by your post and that it was meant with not a shred of inference that Mulan's situation was akin to prostitution. Believer's comments were made in context with the overall situation Mulan has been living in and has been discussed here in the past.

When your new and chime in on posts (as you should continue to do) this can happen.

It has happened more than 480 times for myself... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem

Phew!

OK, thanks everyone. Some words can be incendiary and I'm glad mine was taken in context.

480 times, eh? Seems I've got a little leeway then! (479 posts to go... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />)

Mulan - I LOVE lapis, and I don't care how many other skanks are wearing the same thing.

And to think I thought the greatest sacrifice was for an animal to give his life for my sheer eating pleasure.
I stand corrected.
You my dear Mulan, are one fine woman and mother.

Proud member of PETA
People
Eating
Tasty
Animals

Hey, I'll buy the pearls -- and then you can get something you like!

OR ... you can start an MB auction for them!

Mulan,
If your teenage son is in a house where the father reads porn magazines, what you are doing is showing your son that wives should tolerate porn magazines.

Cherished

Yeah Mulan, that's just like your WH breaking your arm and cracking your skull. Wouldn't want to show him it is alright to be violent towards women would you?