Two months ago I found out that my husband had been seeing 2 other women. It was devastating and couldn't imagine ever trusting him again, but we decided to work on the marriage and not make any rash decisions. He told me that the relationship with the main OW had ended months before and that the other was just a "dalliance", which he promised to end. The first few weeks he was attentive and accountable for his time. We had a few big discussions about his affairs and I felt like we were making some progress. Just before Christmas I started getting bad vibes again. He didn't want to go down to visit visit my parents (they live 350 miles away) as we had planned because I had told them about his affairs and he thought it would be awkward. We ended up driving down for New Year's weekend, but it was admittedly very strained. When we got back things between us returned to a degree of normalcy, but I could still sense that something was up. Two days ago I checked his email and saw that not only was he still seeing the "dalliance", he had met OW#1 for dinner where they had talked about getting back together. My world came crashing to a halt all over again.

Feeling helpless and wanting to do something, I wrote a joint email to both women. I explained that I had recently learned that my husband had been seeing both of them, despite living with and being married to me. I was very cordial and non-judgmental, as I was fairly sure that he had lied to both of them about being married. The next morning (after I had confronted my husband and we more or less decided that our marriage was over) I got emails from both of the women. They were both shocked and grateful that I had told them. OW#1 explained that although she had broken up with him months ago, it's true that they had started talking again and was considering taking him back. OW#2 (the "dalliance") was even more shocked. She had been seeing him for 8 years (!) and considered him her boyfriend. We actually talked on the phone yesterday and compared notes (which was strangely helpful). This whole thing is a complete nightmare!

My husband walked out the door yesterday, seemingly for good. And the stupid thing is that on top of all the hurt and anger and feelings of betrayal, I miss him. I tossed and turned all night, constantly turning toward his side of the bed and just wanting to find him there. How can I be this pathetic?!

I'm a zombie right now. I haven't eaten a thing since Sunday afternoon. I can't focus on work, even though I have a big project to finish up. I just stare at the computer, unable to comprehend the level of h3ll I'm in. I'm at my wit's end an I don't know how to cope.

Bronwyn
Me - 36
DH - 40
Together 7 yrs., married 2

Bronwyn, I am so very sorry this happened to you. But very grateful you found out the truth. Kudos to you for contacting the OW and digging up the truth.

I would suggest that you move quickly to protect your bank account and any other assets to which he has access. Sorry you are here.

Fortunately, we have separate bank accounts and the house is in my name only. One less thing to worry about, anyway...

Bronwyn,

Welcome to MB. What a horrible thing you have discoverd and I'm so sorry for your pain. Stick around and keep posting. We're here to walk this journey with you.

Praying for you today.

Oh honey, you're in for a rough road for a while. The old saying is true: this too will pass. You did a very brave thing in ferreting out the truth. Did you ever have an inkling that he had a GF before you were married and afterwards? I suspect you might be in for a few more surprises. Stay strong and keep coming back here.

(((((((((((B))))))))))))))

Just before we got married, I found some suspicious emails, but I let him talk his way out of it. As for more surprises, anything's possible but I think the worst ones are out of the way.


I just want all of this to go away. I want to wake up and have my marriage back, only now I realize that it was all based on lies.

Welcome to MB, it is a good thing for your recovery that you found this right away. Try to read as much as you can about affairs. There are many good books out there. Another good website is DearPeggy.com, it can be very helpful.

I know how you feel about staring at the computer, I was that way too. It was very difficult and I would cry at work, in the restroom, in the car. It is very typical to lose your appetite and lose weight. It's hard, but try to force yourself to eat and take care of yourself.

If you've been together for seven years, your feelings of love for him won't just go away because this happened. You will need to work through all of this and it may help you to go to individual counseling. Try to tell a good friend or relative as you will need support.

It is hard to say at this point, but your WH may have an addiction. It may help you to read up on this. That being said, try not to "fix" your husband, or take him back bc you feel sorry for him, whatever his reasons for his A's.

You're in a great place with many people here to support you! Hang in there :-)

Hi, "After the affaire" , "Surviving infidelity" and of course Harley's books were extremely, extremely helpful. I felt like such a scum for thinking of getting back together with my ex. But you know, it's love. I've moved on since and i just started posting here. I think people helped me see that I've moved on b/ I still had doubts.

Right now I'm just trying to remind myself that I hold all of the cards -- money, information, self-respect. I just wish the world would stop for a couple of days in order for me to deal with this. I'm not getting any work done and I feel paralyzed. This really s*cks...