BJ,
That was long? :::big grin::: Not in my world.
Welcome to MB and I'm really sorry you find yourself here due to infidelity. If you want to get more traffic for responses, I suggest you move your post to "General Questions" under the Infidelity Forum. You can do that by creating a new thread under that forum (same way you created this one) and cutting and pasting your post. Since you're new to computers, I thought I would spell that out for you. Cinderella here on MB taught me that.
Also, reading under the infidelity forum will let you know very fast that your H is saying identical words that the majority of wayward spouses (WS) say. It's really eerie how they do that.
Your husband is having an emotional affair (EA) and that is just as much an affair as a physical one. You're not crazy to hurt and if you feel that you won't be able to recover your marriage, that is your choice. You're the BS--betrayed spouse.
To answer your question, yes, there are many people who have been told "I love you but I'm not in love with you." Personally, my H said "I never loved you. I just used you." I myself said, "I think I married you out of gratitude and stayed all these years out of debt. I'm paid up now." All appalling and horrible and NOT TRUE.
"The sad thing is this OW told him..." Hey, that's not sad. And it's not entirely true. If she is willing to be his friend and hear his intimate secrets, then she's in this affair, too.
That your H is still with you is a good sign, I think. He is lost in a fog, full of deceit (both to you and himself) and is looking for a lighthouse. See, he's not in love with a person, but a fantasy. Fantasies are easy to maintain (just takes thoughts), no commitment or honesty, and like a drug, gives you lots of emotional and physical intensity. Very confusing and addictive.
I'm not making excuses for him. Just helps to know that this is about him, not you. His choice.
If he wants to work things out, he ditches all contact with OW. There are no "friends" of the opposite sex without boundaries. First step.
You guys can recover from this and have a great marriage. I'm living proof. Many others here are also. Read all of Dr. Harley's work here, and His Needs, Her Needs. You'll get to see what was going on in your marriage better and understand how healthy relationships work--and how to affair-proof your marriage.
Takes a lot to be the BS and then do this work. It's great work, though, because you're doing it for you, your H AND your marriage.
You seem like a very fast self-educator. You got the computer, got his gmail thing, got here and already know that he's lying to himself as well as to you. I find that amazing and admirable.
LA
