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Hi Shattered05,
I think you are still very close to success.
If you can, keep up the plan A…EN LoveUnits… You do not want to have made a bait and switch on him.
A little bit of the 180 may also be in order.
DLK21
BS44 XW33 0kids M6“01
DDay8“05 Plan A 8“05 S Harley
XW preg OM due 5“08
D 4"08
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Well, Crap S05. I thought he went to stay w/someone else!!!
Crap, Crap, Crap.....
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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DLK, Thank you. That was so very kind of you to take the time to post that to me - I appreciate it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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WH just called me from the road. He said thank you for doing those letters for me. He said "You know you are a very special girl right?" I said "No." He said something like "Well, you are. You don't know how lucky you are until you lose someone." Something like that. Then he said "I can't wait to move back home with you."
I took the opportunity to then segue into withdrawal. Told him I've read that he will go through withdrawal and I know it won't be easy for him. I know it won't be easy for him to do the breakup, but I want him to know that I'll be here for him and I'll support him.
He said "umhum"
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Good job, Shattered. My WH "tried" to breakup with OW, however I was not too supportive. In fact, I was so angry by then that I told him that he got himself into the mess - he could get himself out.
But I was tired. Mine went on and on and on. I think yours is going to go smoother.
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Thanks Believer. I can only do this because people tell me to. It really goes against what I'm feeling inside. I feel so used.
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Shattered - Just think about how amazing of a Plan A that you did. You can do this too. I know you can!
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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I took the opportunity to then segue into withdrawal. Told him I've read that he will go through withdrawal and I know it won't be easy for him. I know it won't be easy for him to do the breakup, but I want him to know that I'll be here for him and I'll support him.
He said "umhum" We need some OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS, such as 1. what do you expect her reaction to be? 2. what is your strategy for leaving? 3. how can I help you the most in getting out? I think he is dragging his feet, Shattered. I hate to tell you this. Right now he is getting his needs met in TWO places and is reluctant to give it up. And who can blame him? He has a nice little harem going here. But you did a beautiful Plan A and I suspect Plan B will be most effective in yanking him off the fence because he is getting tired of OW.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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But what you learn here is what will save your marriage. Mine has been going on 3 years. It was almost a year when he started making NC attempts. By that time I wasn't in the mood to comfort him.
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I think he is dragging his feet, Shattered. I hate to tell you this. Right now he is getting his needs met in TWO places and is reluctant to give it up. And who can blame him? He has a nice little harem going here.
But you did a beautiful Plan A and I suspect Plan B will be most effective in yanking him off the fence because he is getting tired of OW. I KNOW he is dragging his feet Mel. It sickens me. I have decided to go away for the weekend by myself. Call me whatever you want but him saying he can't afford to take me out for my BDay totally sickens me. So, I am going to do what I'd like for my BDay weekend. I'll have my son sleep over a buddy's house Fri night and WH can pick him up Sat. I am going to pack a bag and go to my favorite little place for the weekend and stay in a hotel. I will order takeout from my favorite restaurant. I will shop at all my favorite shops and eat the birthday cake I had to order for myself. I don't want to bring my son because I don't want him to report back to the big AH where we were or what we did. I am going to pack all my best lingerie and tell WH I am going away with "a friend". I will tell him my cell phone will be in a "dead zone" so I won't be able to call. I am going to be vague and mysterious. But right now I am on fire I am so mad. Whenever he feels me pull back, like tonight, then he puts out some sweet talk. As soon as I respond, he goes back to his routine. As far as any kind of sexual intimacy, there has been none. There was some kissing but since he got sick a week or two ago he "doesn't want to get me sick". Quite frankly, SF is way up high on his list. If he is putting off coming home for at least a month, I feel he is getting in his last licks shagging her. I've been a damn fool and this guy is treating me like a DAWG Mel! Would it be too much to tell WS that I am meeting "a friend" without DS because I need to think about "some things"?
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I know it would probably be better to go without my son to mess with WH's head but I'm thinking now that I want him to go. I'd like his company and he would LOVE to go stay in a hotel. This way we could even eat in the restaurant instead of getting it to go. He would have to miss a game on Saturday though. WH won't be happy about that!
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Mel, Along with those open ended breakup questions, what do you think about asking WH this one? When are we going to tell DS that you are moving home???!!! I'm so darn excited I think we should tell him right away!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
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"Hon, our son is pretty confused by all that's happened. What do you have planned to say to him to make him understand with your return home?" (trying to think like Mel...dadgum Texans are hard to imitate, y'all!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> SD
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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I have an appt. with Steve Harley Fri. morning. It will be interesting and good to hear his input.
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Oh yeah, almost forgot. WH told me OW called him a racist! Huge LBer! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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I love your idea of going away for the weekend! And am most happpy that you going to speak to SH. He is da' bomb! shattereddreams, that is a darn good openended question....for a Kansan! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks Mel. It will be good because I'll have my talk with Steve and then I'll split for the weekend and have all weekend to think about it. I just booked my hotel room - I'm taking DS with me. We will have a blast! A little talk with "da bomb" and then - Ta Ta WH, we're hittin' the road!
How do I handle this? WH will bother me about the money I spend going away - where are you getting the $ yadda yadda yadda. He has always controlled my finances and I don't know how to respond to these questions. Like I said he is tight. Quite frankly I feel it is none of his business - we are officially "divorced". Is that a LBer to say that to him?
Me/BS 48
Married 16 yrs/together 23; 1 child
Dday 4/05; WH "needed space" and left 5/05
WH Filed D papers 6/05 - Divorce final 12/05
WH moved in with OW 11/05; moved out OW 1/06
12/06 His 3rd and strongest attempt at reconcilliation (I believe OW still in picture)
2/07 Affair over, begging me to take him back - it's too late.
WH has tried numerous times to reconcile.
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"Hon, since you've chosen to move your life in another direction, with another women, what would you suggest I do with MY life?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Semi-smart-aleckie-Kansan's open ended question...
SD
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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"Hon, since you've chosen to move your life in another direction, with another women, what would you suggest I do with MY life?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Semi-smart-aleckie-Kansan's open ended question...SD <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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