sorry to hear this

LM

Thanks Lem. I think you're mellowing in your old age. I read something you posted to, I think, HopeThisWorks and it was actually a little touchy feely. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

How's things with you? Have you started dating at all? I think I better clarify that after my post above. I just wonder if you are still one of the walking wounded or if you have allowed someone in your life. I hope you have, you deserve it.

Well I'm going to go watch Dr. Phil's Valentine's special and I'll check in later.

Happy St-Valentin Shat.

I hear you.

DLK21

Yep, dating someone on a rather consistent basis now. Unfortunately, I think she wants to be the next "Mrs Lemonman" sooner than I can even contemplate. I admit I am kind of picky. Many of the women that I date are extremely easy on the eyes, but honestly, the conversation "up stairs" leaves me wanting more.

I am still selfish though, and still want to do what I want to do, but I may be ready for the next step soon. Right now, I get many of my emotional needs met by work and friends and self.

I have hesitated in posting to you because I haven't had much good to say about your situation, and I don't want to kill any hope or positive feeling that you may still have in saving your marriage. I read your posts with a heavy heart.

I don't think of myself as a "walking wounded" guy anymore. This did happen to me, and I am forever changed because of this...but it does not define me anymore. I still believe in the human spirit. I believe that people are still inherently good people (even your CH), but there just has to come a time when we stop volunteering for the pain and abuse.

I look at myself as the "best case" scenario for a person suffering this (educated, financially very well off, extremely good looking <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) and yet I still struggle. I have let the anger go, and as I come on in this new year, I have to let the "fear" go.

Each day gets better. The same will hopefuly happen with you.

I am happy to hear that guy in the store made your day. Nice story.

Lemonman

I think you should paint it pink AND get all new bedding to macth!

I wish I had thought of buying myself flowers--I splurged today on Febreeze fabric softener--flowers would have been a better idea.

And for taking flattery from wherever you can get it--I got asked out to lunch (and politely decined) by a 46yr old (i'm 27) ex-catholic priest...and it still felt nice. (though I'd never use that story to make WH jealous--it's really rather pathetic, but hey--it felt ggod!)

I'm glad your v-day didn't turn out so bad afterall.

Intexas

p.s. loved the thread title!

When WH was out, I did our bedroom in dark purple - eggplant really. I have the mosquito net thing hanging over the bed, pictures, lamp, curtains, and spread. My WH would HATE it. Too bad, he's never going to be in there again.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Wow! A Mrs. Lemonman walking around out there. I just can't conjure up a visual on that one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
That's okay, picky is good.

I hear ya!

I'm so glad to hear that doctor thing hasn't gone to your head! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

It's just nice to be noticed by the opposite sex, even if he is a card carrying member of the AARP. I would have freaked if he asked me out, even as "friends". As it stands now, I might have to start avoiding the store. The last thing I want are rumors spread about the two of us.
He's very kind and sweet but really not my type.

It sounds nice Believer. I like the mosquito net thing. Now if I could only get the young Harrison Ford from Mosquito Coast stuck in the net, I'd be all set!

I'm thinking maybe a soft green. Some sort of soft color pallete. It's time to paint the whole house inside. Except for one bathroom, all the rooms are off white. There are random swashes of paint colors all over the house. I think I like a certain color, buy a sample of it and try a small patch out on the walls. So far I haven't found a keeper. I hate those postage stamp color swatches. Do you ever watch Extreme Home Makeover? I love that show and the houses are always so beautiful. I just want to pick a room and say "That's it!", now tell me what colors they are.

Yes! I've learned to give myself what I want and not wait for someone else to come along and make me happy. Most of the time anyway.


LOL! You may have me beat on that one! Don't want to know why he's an ex-Catholic priest either!

i know you said you didn't want to know--but it was all legit why he left the priesthood. He decided he wanted a family, prayed and prayed, and resigned. He has been single three years now. Definitely not for me (and I am NOT looking by the way) but a keeper for someone, that's for sure.

And I love Extreme Makeover--when I can watch it. Maybe you can e-mail them and ask them the color that was used. Try looking at pottery barn magazines and getting color ideas from there.

I redid my room after WH moved out (I live at my job, so I cannot paint) but I put up new curtains and a new spread and a new girly lamp. It felt nice. It was part of my plan A--since he was way into SF, thought I'd spruce it up if he ever came home. He's not home six months later--but you know, I really like the room. It's "me" and that feels good.

You know I'm Catholic and I think they should allow them to marry. For one, it might help with some of the molestation issues. Secondly, how are they supposed to be in touch with the congregation when they don't have a clue what it is like to stay married, work, have children, etc. In other words, I think they should practice what they preach.

I'm glad you changed your room. After CH moved out, I moved the bed to the other side of the room and bought new sheets and pillows. I did not want the same room, it was symbolic to me.

How's the baby? I'm jealous, I just love babies. I'm past the point of even thinking about another, I just want to borrow and snuggle one for a day or two. Such a special time. Enjoy!

on an off note---most of those tv shows have web sites with pics of the rooms...they tell the colors used! also the products and appliances if any....i'm in the process of picking colors for a hole new home...welcome to my he??!!! LOL and im a colorist!! lol

Thanks Nikko! I'll take a look.

Well Loverboy has been calling me all afternoon/evening, about 6 times total. I am not taking his calls today. Afterall, he can disappear to Ho's house whenever and it's conveniently "out of cell range". I figure I'll let him sweat it out today and wonder if I "know" and what's going to happen, etc. Let him get in a high speed wobble about what's going to happen next.

I'm trying to get my speech down. I am going to write it and read it to him. Maybe followup with a letter. There is so much I want to say but can't or shouldn't. I figure I will say something like this:

Romeo,
We seem to have a problem as I believe in monogomy and I am only interested in an exclusive relationship. Until you are totally out of Ho's life with a plan in place for no future contact, we don't have anything to talk about. I am dropping out of your harem. You don't have much to offer me right now. Your continued dalliances with Ho only serve to twist the knife in my heart. Because of this, I am asking you not to contact me. I don't want to talk to you and I don't want to see you. Please respect my wishes.

Sincerely,

The Ex-wife you will forever regret leaving,
Shattered the Hottie

P.S. If it's rockin' don't come knockin'

lol----i like it but i am probably not the best judge for these things. being an 8 personality and all....lol

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Shattered Oh five:

Just had to let you know that your eni meanie title just cracked me up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ....which is nice first thing in the morning! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> HA, Ha, ha

Thanx for that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Shattered I love that !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Keep up that attitude since I think that will serve you well in the long run.

Wouldn't it be nice to see your WH reaction if you were to receive a call from a male friend when he is over!

He needs to see what he is loosing.

Shattered 05

Most people love a good fight and they will take your side if you do.

You seam to be at or past your last reserves.

You will get some self respect from that but I really think the anger will push him into her arms and is too much. You risk loosing him for good since you will not contact him after that. I think a normal plan B letter would serve you better in the long run if you can't take this anymore. And believe me; I think you have done a remarkable plan A. It would be a shame to loose all this in angry outbursts. I would not give him your speech verbally either for the same reason.

As for your honour and self respect, believe me, most of us think you have been extremely courageous, wise and dignified in you endeavour.

It very easy to reject the one that hurts you, it is also important to tell them that they are hurting you but you don't want to create an escalade of hate.

My thoughts.

Take care,
DLK21

D,
Thanks. I know my post was riddled with sarcasm and anger. I was reading Ark's post about being quiet. I wonder if I am expecting too much from him. I'm glad I didn't talk to him yesterday because I need time to process. It would not have been a good outcome if I spoke to him yesterday. I would have been speaking from a place of hurt and fear transfered to anger.

Today I am trying to find the words to calmly ask him if he is still seeing her and ask him where we go from here. I think I should try to talk to him about this before I just cut him off. I know Melody wants me to cut him off but I get confused.

Ark's post talks about being still and not expecting too much. Am I one of those posters who is expecting too much? He moved out and I expect him to jump into counseling with two feet and spend a lot of time with me. They never just let go of OW and not look back so why am I expecting him to be any different? Isn't this textbook?

Shattered Dreams has posted to me that I'm expecting too much of a return too quickly.

Some posters (posting to anyone, speaking in very general terms here) adivse that if they are in contact with OW then I don't want to be in contact with WH.

Yet from everything I've read here, expecting my WXH to drop her and cut off all contact with her, while I am not speaking with him, and go into counseling and then send me a letter of what he is going to do to "win me back" etc. is NEVER going to happen.

I am so confused.

I also know I need to practice facing issues and talking them out, not retreating in fear, hurt, and anger, my usual MO. I figure even if it doesn't work, it will be good practice for my next relationship.

I haven't made any decisions. Just thinking out loud.

Thanks.