What did the OM think during all this? Was he married? Was he okay with you spending so much time with your husband? Was he jealous?
OM was my "first love", we had dated for 5 years prior to my marriage to H. OM had just gotten divorced when we got into contact with each other. I initiated contact, it was a "post 9/11" freak out kinda thing. So, he being divorced and not being able to be with his kids all the time, he was very supportive of mine and H's coparenting.
My H took to OM very well, scarily well actually. They worked together on a few jobs and people where always shocked that H and OM got along so well. At one point in the separation, I would stay home with the kids and H and OM would meet up and do a job, I would feed everyone dinner and me and OM would go to our home together. Very, very cake eatty. I didn't mean to cake eat, but no one was complaining and it seemed to be working so well.
OM did get irritated with my constant accomodations to H's schedule and needs. I tried to work around him whenever possible and it was difficult for OM and I to make plans since I always waited to see what WH's schedule was. But my loyalty was always to H, I didn't want the separation, I wanted him to want me. But, he didn't and he seemed so glad to have me out of his hair, but still at his beck and call for kid stuff. I guess we were both cake eating.
His GF did not think we needed to coparent so closely and did not like our daily interaction. When GF came on to the scene, H and I were sharing the house. I had a small place close by, I came to the house in the AM, kept the kids while WH worked, when he came home, I had his house clean and his dinner ready. Then I would leave for the night and go to my home. GF put a stop to that, she didn't want me doing H's laundry. So then we started the 50/50 schedule, he brought the kids to me every morning on the nights that he had the kids, and then half the week he didn't have them at all.
But OM felt I had H on a pedestal and that I let him walk over me due to the guilt and shame of being an adulteress. Which is true, and I don't get how WH is now so angry at me. When I was the WS, I did everything I could to keep him happy. I gave him the separation aggreement from heaven. We didn't divorce because it would have cost him so much more money to actually be divorced from me. The judge would not sign off on our agreement, he said I could not waive that much child support.
That is more info than you wanted, but OM was always miffed at feeling second best. And since there was no plan B, OM never had to meet all my needs. H was still very active in my life during the entire affair with OM.
