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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 9
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 9 |
I've been married 21 years to an incredibly attractive woman who takes great care of herself physically. The first couple of years there was an adequate degree of intimacy and sex. Without going through 21 years of "this happened and that happened", I will say that the intimacy and sex dwindled to excruciatingly low levels to the point that we hardly ever touch each other anymore. Over the years, I've gotten selfish having to deal with the lack of this intimacy and gone astray, including a weekend stand with an internet acquaintance, a couple nights of "three-some's" with a friend of mine, and a somewhat lengthy affair with a former client. I am also a crossdresser and love the feeling I get when I'm dressed, especially wearing pantyhose and high heels. I've actually gone so far as to visit an out of town businessman at a hotel room and dressed for him. (I didn't like it at all!). I masturbate extensively (at least 5-6 times per week). I really want my marriage to work, but the past pains, feeling inadequate, sex addiction?, is making things very difficult. I think we've pretty much bottomed out in our relationship and I'm wondering if coming clean and letting the chips fall where they may would be the right thing to do. I know I have issues that I need to deal with. Maybe my marriage is doomed until I deal with those, but if I felt a closeness to my wife maybe I wouldn't feel the need to do the other things....quite a load isn't it?????
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances.
It sounds like you may have a sex addiction, which you will need to get help for before you can work on the marriage. I do hope you didn't have sex with the business man, and that you are practicing safe sex with the others.
Does your wife know about your cross-dressing?
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
but if I felt a closeness to my wife maybe I wouldn't feel the need to do the other things.... actually you are a stranger to your wife you hide yourself quite well
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Maybe my marriage is doomed until I deal with those, but if I felt a closeness to my wife maybe I wouldn't feel the need to do the other things.... Has conducting a secret adulterous life helped the closeness in your marriage?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
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Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I think we've pretty much bottomed out in our relationship YOU are not "present" in the relationship of course it's bottoming out .... you're absent!
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,517
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,517 |
Hi, hoppels.
I hate to add to your load, but how does your wife spend her time, or do you know?
All the best,
Gimble
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
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