Separated x 2 years. Previously posted in Gen Dis II under DO I END IT as a subject.
I want desperately to know that I'm doing what is right and am having a hard time sticking with my decision to move forward w/divorce.
Have draft set of papers; got before Christmas.
Need to move forward; either go home or make corrections on papers.
Need guidance, scripture, prayer.

Because you asked ...

Sermon on do you want to be well

ARK

Yes, the way that I determine God's will is by reading the bible and finding scriptures that are relevent to my situation. That is how I determine what I believe God would want me to do.

I very much think he expects *US* to make the final decision using His principles. I have not known him to be a micromanager, that does not seem to be his style.

Life,
Pray, however you are accustomed to doing. Be still. Ask that His will be done, not yours. Empty yourself of distraction. Keep doing this and you will feel something to be right and true. I like to think of this as determining God's will to the best of my ability. Trust in Him.
68

Try:

Mark 10
1 Corinthians 7:10

WOW, that was fabulous. Thanks for posting it.

Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is", in other words we need to take our mind off worldly things and have the mindset of Christ.

Romans 8:26-27 says, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." The Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf and God knows the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit also intercedes on for us in accordance with God's will that we might feel Him at work in our life.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 says, "It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him." In other words we should control our actions and keep pure.

1 Thessalonias 5:18 says, "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." We should always give thanks to Christ.

1 Peter 2:15 says, "For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men." We are to do good no matter what.


In summary if we are trying to do God's will we are not trying to see what we can gain from this world. Instead we are looking what good we can accomplish for Christ's kingdom. Our intentions are to be pure, moral, and with a purpose of doing good. And no matter what happens we thank Christ for our life and what He has provided. And in all of it the Holy Spirit will agree with us on what the will of God is for our lives.

That was fabulous.
I have a truly gut feeling that the best thing for me and my child is to stay gone and limit contact once it's over.

I just keep going back to the what ifs. I don't want anyone seeing this to think that I've been some white-robed saint that has done absolutely nothing wrong. That's not true. I lied about my past, I didn't handle SS, SD well. I made lots of mistakes and am still making them.

I want so much to do whatever is in God's will and I believe that I know (as much as you can know) that the divorce is right but I know what is coming when I say I want to proceed. AND, there's always that little niggling doubt of "is this truly what God wants?"

Somebody shoot me!!!!!

I read daily. I've read Joyce Meyers "How to Hear From God". I'm reading Joel Osteen's "Your Best Life Now". I've prayed in so many ways, so many times. I've asked for signs and I believe he has given them to me. Once, I went to the church where we were married. There's an old cemetary beside it. I was praying as earnestly as I know how for guidance, signs, etc. I was walking between the headstones and an overwhelming sadness came upon me and I spoke out loud the words "My marriage is as dead as this cemetary".
Was that God? The devil can certainly play tricks as his aim is to kill, steal and destroy.

The bottom line is that I want to be right in what I do. I don't want to wake up 6 months, 6 years, 6 days from post divorce and say "My God, what have I done." By the same token, I don't want to go home and say the same thing.

Guess that's why I'm separated x 2 years w/no resolution either way.

But you are a good person who wants to do the right thing. If you weren't, you wouldn't be so concerned about doing the right thing and staying aligned with God's Will. Personally, I would leave the marriage and feel I did the right thing as a Christian.

Don't know if I got the Quote thing right or not but, your situation turned out differently and you made a different decision. Was it because the circumstances were totally different? I'm sure the circumstances are different in every relationship.
What about mine makes you say "divorce"? Just curious.
(I believe it's the right thing also. I guess I just need a push - as if I haven't already had enough!!!)

Here's just one perspective but one I have found to be true:

God is all about reconciliation.
I believe God's will always points us toward that goal.
Jesus came and reconciled us back with God.
We turn from God and offer injury more often than not.
He accepts us back each and every time.

While Biblically there is an "out" for the BS I think He has provided the example that His will is in the restoration of the relationship.

This is what helped me answer my questions about it. Your mileage may vary.

If I had tried everything in my power to save my marriage, to no avail, I would get a divorce. I think you have tried many things and still it is an impossible situation. In my case, my marriage has worked out well. But, you won't get that push frm me, you know the situation and that decision has to come from you.

because you husband is not processing thoughts normally...

he is abusive...

the fact that you have been out of the home for two years...and you describe the way he treats you NOW TODAY is unbelievable....

you can't CHANGE him

you need to save yourself and your daughter and remove yourself from his chaos...

and see if he himself chooses correctly...

I am huge advocate of marriage builders...but never ever ever could I advise a woman or man to go back to the home you describe....

ARK

This is how I determine God's will in my situation.

God wants what is best for his children, and for so long I'd pray and pray that God would bring my husband to his senses and allow him to realize that his family was the most important thing in his life.....BUT, I was never truly able to "Let Go".....until now. I know that I have let go of my marriage, I have given it to God.

I never truly understood the phrase "Let Go....and Let God".

Until you are truly able to take your hands off the wheel and trust that God will do what's best for you, he is unable to answer your prayers.

I told you before my prayers of the past year and a 1/2 have been "Please make him love me again", what I didn't realize is that I *worshipped* my husband, I had him on a pedestal, and you can't do that.

So I'm moving out, I am not filing for divorce, I am not participating in the willful destruction of my marriage, I will not agree to the dissolution we discussed.

I am simply going to Plan B, and cutting off contact with him and concentrating on how to be a better mother, better person and better christian.

God will take care of my husband........and he'll take care of your WS.....if you'll only release the wheel.

Then what God wants you to do will be come crystal clear.

God Bless,


-Caren

I'm not sure I have tried everything. There are times I find it very difficult to get past all that has happened. The verbal and emotional abuse has been horrific. He has asked me multiple times to come home. Multiple times he has been like when we first met for a couple of weeks at a time but, when I don't respond as he thinks I should, he goes back to being the evil twin.
He repeatedly tells me that he will do whatever is necessary to make the marriage work but I must come home before he changes. Says the changes would be futile because I wouldn't be there to see them and if I'm not coming home there's no point in him changing anything for me.
I'm so glad for you that things have worked out well.

There are times I think stay because he knows all about me. There are times I get sick to my stomach thinking about all he has done to me, not to mention the affair.

I think about starting over and maybe meeting someone whom I can build a relationship with and not have to worry about the affair or thinking about it if I hear a certain name or a certain song or go a certain place.

You have no idea how much I want to do just what you describe. I want to let go. I want to have no contact and see what happens but, if I don't call him or answer his calls he gets nasty and I mean nasty.
He still controls my life even though I'm not there.
All our finances are still as they were when I left.
All my mail still goes to home.
Tonight I will try to read Plan A/Plan B. I'm probably going about all this backwards.
I've prayed that God would allow me to fall in love w/my H again. I love him or at least care about what happens to him but I am not in love w/him. He has cursed and threatened that away.
Thanks so much for the kind words and calm thoughts.

You don't go no contact without a letter of love and hope with clear clear boudaries on your part needed to talk reconcilliation...

I am telling you that he is not processing things correctly in his brain...if he is holding and threatening you with you did as a child...

it is bizarre..
and more scary than anything he is doing is your belief there is something YOU can do to change him...

he doesn't need you home to get himself help..
he needs help period....
and if really reconized and believed he needed help he would make it based up you coming back in to his lair...he would seek help this second...

ARK

I wasn't aware that you hadn't read up on Plan A/Plan B.

You need to read surviving an affair, (As well as His Needs, Her Needs) but 1st and foremost read SAA.

It gives you the framework to handle what's going on.

God Bless,


Caren

P.S. God helps those who help themselves.

life2short - let's start with a simple hug that acknowledges the fact that I understand from personal experience the spiritual struggle you have been facing...
(((((life2short)))))

I am going to tell you the answer to your question the only way that I know how to answer it.....you determine God's will by humbly submitting your will to HIS will, regardless of how you are feeling. You let GOD direct and lead you. Scripture is what reveals God's will to us, so be in it daily. You rest in God and trust in God....He will not lead you into sin and only has your best interest in mind. He WILL use this situation as a learning experience and a time of growth for you in your walk with Him, but that is just another fulfillment of His Romans 8:28 promise to you.

life2short, God is ALSO a God of Peace, Comfort, Caring, Compassion, and lack of Confusion. It is most often we, ourselves, who contribute the opposites of those things that God would have for us by NOT submitting to His will. We WORRY. In essence, we take a "ya, but...." sort of posture. We take parts of Scripture out of context or misapply it to a given situation in order to "get what WE want," not necesarily what God wants.

God has given us TODAY, and only TODAY. The future is in His hands.

God has commanded that Christians only marry other Christians. We "fudge" and marry unequally because we are "in love" and know better than God, or despite what God knows. Then, when problems happen as a result of being unevenly yoked, God gets blamed. But regardless, the COVENANT of marriage is respected by God even if we are disobedient or disregardful of His warnings and cautions.

Even in unevenly yoked marriages God gives instructions as to how we are to live with each other that will be "God-honoring" even if one partner is an unbeliever. But if an unbelieving partner chooses to NOT live with their spouse AS IF they were a committed believer, faithful to the marriage covenant, then God says to the believer..."let them go, you are not bound."

So when it comes to divorce, there are two, and only two "operative" issues. One concerns "marital unfaithfulness" and the other concerns an unsaved partner who wants to leave the marriage.

I do not know your husband's beliefs or if he considers himself a Christian. I CAN tell you by observation from what you have written that he is NOT living in humble submission to God.

His anger and nastiness toward you if you go "Plan B" and his statements of "changing to be good" IF you come home indicate he likes to manipulate and does not have a clue as to what a Christian husband IS supposed to do in his role as "spiritual head of the household" or what a personal relationship with Christ is like. I suspect that he is not a Christian, but that's pure speculation on my part at this time, lacking any definitive statement from you or him.

Regardless, God has said CLEARLY that His will is that you be in a marriage that honors God. Clearly your current marriage does not. God has further told you that you have a RIGHT to a divorce on the grounds of "marital unfaithfulness" when either you just can't live with someone who has committed adultery (God KNOWS the depth of the pain and anguish adultery causes as well as the FACT that adultery is a willful choice to murder the "one flesh" union of marriage), or if your spouse continues to be unrepentant. Either way, God has said that you are NOT required to live in such a situation because it would not honor God. He furthermore states that should you ever wish to marry again in the future, you can without committing the sin of adultery yourself. The same caution, however, would still apply to make sure that if you were to marry again it would only be to a believer.

God grieves those that are unrepentant and refuse to be the "bride of Christ." But it IS the unrepentant one's choice and you are NOT held responsible for their choice anymore than Christ would be held responsible for those who choose he11 rather than his gift of forgiveness of sins.

Satan may try to tell you that you aren't "being Christian" if you choose to divorce, as a way to keep you from feeling the joy and abundant life that God has waiting for you as his faithful child. But if what you are hearing is causing you to "doubt God," you can rest assured that it is NOT coming from God, but from someone else.

This "trusting God" does take a step of faith. We naturally want to be "in control, and trusting God entails giving control for our lives and our future into God's hands, trusting Him to be faithful to His promises and that he won't say something like, "Surprise! You dummy, you should have known that you can't trust me!"

We CAN'T see the future, but God can. ALL we can ever see is today and then let our minds WORRY about the future that is not in our control. How do we KNOW the future will be good? Because unlike unbelievers, we trust the faithfulness of God, even while we are hurting and fearful.

The "price" you may "pay" is your marriage, and that is scary. It should NOT be taken lightly, and you have NOT taken it lightly. You have given both your thoughts and your husband 2 years to "choose God." You have, he has not.

So the remaining issue, if there is an issue, is your husband's soul, his relationship with God. YOU cannot force him or make him surrender to God. He has to choose that himself. But make no mistake about it, you are choosing God and he can "come along for the ride" or he can choose to be left behind. But the best "witness" you can make for him to see is that you "stand on God, God's commands, and in humble obedience to God" as you trust the real "head of your person and your marriage." Perhaps your husband will see and will "meet with God." Perhaps not. But YOU walk with God regardless of what anyone else chooses to do around you.

It's not easy, until you surrender the "future" to God. Take your fears and worries to God and receive His comfort and peace. Your husband needs to understand that you are ready to move on without him in a Joshua-like direction...."choose ye THIS DAY whom ye shall serve, but as for me and my house, WE WILL serve the LORD."

God bless.

P.S. Let us know on the Prayer Request forum anytime you feel the need for intercessory prayer.