Then do that.

Cut it out, man.

Bag's in the car. I was planning on going before any of this started. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

GC

2 late! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Your conscience will dog you wherever you go now, GC!

-ol' 2long

I told my IC that I had a dream where I finally went to OM's place of work and took him for a ride to the Ct. countryside. We pulled off teh road and went into a corn field where I had him dif his hole and get in it. It was at that point I told him the next time you FU*K some other guys wife you won;t be getting out of the hole. I'm an old school Italian..you do not mess with wives OR mothers. PERIOD.

My IC said that my way of thinking of was not abnormal. Thing is....it would not have to be my W...anyones would keep him in the hole....

As a former police officer I abhor violence. However sometimes threatening violence can have good effects.

A close family member has a young son who got on drugs. We live in a small town/city and not too many places to score drugs. The young man owed is dealer about $1500 and his father agreed to pay if the son entered rehab. With a choice between a broken leg or rehab the decision was easy. The father arranged a meeting and asked me to come along. We met the dealer outside a mall. I sat in the car and the father went to pay. After some discussions he came back nearly crying since the dealer said that with interest the amount was now $2000 and he didn’t have that cash on him. It was pay or the father and son would be harmed. I took the envelope and went to the dealer.

Very calmly I made some things very obvious to him. Number one was that the money in the envelope was all he would get. Number two was that he better confirm that this was final payment. Number three was that if I ever saw him near me, my extended family, any of our possessions, houses or cars he better get used to the thought of walking with a limp. If anything happened to anyone – no matter whether he had any part in it he better get used to sitting while urinating. I also told him we were a large family and I was the voice of reason. The others were borderline. If the boy EVER scored drugs in this town I would personally make sure the dealer would not be able to do any form of business anywhere. If he were lucky he would die but most likely I would cease beating him when he was in a comatose state. I made it clear I was a former police officer and that meant I knew exactly how far I could go. I also knew the investigative methods so I could beat them and that I knew for a fact the death or beating of a drug punk would not be too thoroughly investigated.

I said all this in a dead calm voice. I told him that there was not a single threat in what I said only facts. Then I handed him the money and left. Inside I was dead scared. Outside I was calm and assured. In reality I neither had the ability nor will to follow through a single one of my threats.

This was 8 years ago. The boy went to rehab and has been off drugs since. He did a 12 step with AA and as part of the program came to make amends to me. He told me that he had no intention of quitting drugs when his father paid his debt. Next day he sneaked out to score drugs but each and every dealer in the town refused to sell him! All referred to the crazy big guy and the psychotic family! That was when he realizes that maybe rehab would be a good idea. So yes – intimidation can work.

GC, you yanked my chain. I just click on the thread with your name, and I know I'm home. Instead, I walk in on a serious consideration of whether threats of violence are ethical in this situation.

Geepers. Where are the marshmallows????

Oh well. As long as I'm here, I have a really serious problem with threats -- they -can- work. However, they can also lead to an escalating set of threats and counter-threats that are so horrific as to be utterly destroying. (BTDT.)

I would also say that making clear what the completely natural and utterly inescapable consequences are is a fantastic way to go. The pocket book and reputation are fine things to go for. The job, the family effects, all of those things, are dire and natural consequences of an affair that don't leave a taint on the person who facilitates the consequences.

Violence up to and possibly including death? I have a hard time seeing that as a compassionate or ethical choice in situations of infidelity. I'm not all-knowing and maybe there's a situation where that is truly the most compassionate choice. But I doubt I'm going to see it in my lifetime.

Last fall less than two miles from my home, a man walked in on his wife and OM, shot and killed them both-then turned the gun on himself. Stinking OM had four children...that's all I could think about.

Ok...I realize that this thread posted awhile ago but it really hit a chord in me.

I am the BW. The OW is a former friend. I did threaten her and she freaked. It didn't end the A. My H came riding in like a friggin hero to save the poor unjustly persecuted OW. The threat was simple..."if I see you with my H I will run you over with my F$%^ing truck." She believed me and the scary part was that I believed myself. One time she threatened me with restarting the A because I was friends with her best friend from childhood. That time, I really lost my temper and did PART of what I had wanted to do for a long time. I had this woman who is 8 inches taller than me and a good 20 pounds heavier, bent over backwards with her hair in my fist as I told her all the ways I want to kill her and how she is going to ****** when I do. I think I also used the F-word more than I have in my entire life.

One good point is that she realizes that I won't put up with her crap and she has walked a wide berth around me ever since.

What ended the A wasn't related to violence at all. It was the reality of our (hers and ours) children not ever accepting the affairees as a couple and the honesty of our children when it came to telling their dad how much they hate what he did and that they will never accept the OW in their lives.

Loni

My father scared off at least one man that I know of, that way. My dad was a large biker type, muscles and tatoo's... Never heard a peep out of that guy, again. Mom was furious, as they were (ready)... 'just friends', but the guy bugged out!

Unfortunately, he also pulled that with a nice gay man who lived down the street from us. He was a nice guy who liked to talk about plants and gardens with my mom. He even lived with his boyfriend! And, unfortunately, we never saw him again, either.

(and yes, we're Texan's! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

I dunno.

At least this thread gave me the the oppor2nity 2 post these lyrics:

Concrete Blonde, "Violent"

"I feel hot & red & wired.
I feel burned out like I've expired.
Freaky dreams & you are there
With glowing eyes & burning hair &
I'm not even dreaming
Violent.

Every nerve & every cell
They gotta fight to stay alive & well.
I'm in a world of chronic
Discontent.
Screaming metal & burning rubber
Always shoving & raping & cursing each other -
Exploding into violence.

Try some, buy some
Wheel & deal it.
Buy or steal it
If it makes you feel it.
We want it intense.
We want our violence.
Get ready to take it all the way.
The things they do
The words they say - it's all so
Ready to get
Violent.

Wedding bells all pink & white.
Chocolates & candlelight.
You & me & we makes three,
K/ i /s /s /i/ n/ g.
Like a comedy
That never played quite right.

It seems so easy & it looks so clean, all the
Shiny happy people in the magazines.
But nothing seems to mean
What it meant.
A flood of blood & a burning pain.
Broken hearts & throbbing brains.
The message has been sent
And it's violent.

Try some, buy some
Wheel & deal it.
Buy or steal it
If it makes you feel it.
We want it intense.
We want our violence.
Get ready to take it all the way.
The things they do
The words they say - it's all so
Ready to get
Violent."

-ol' 2long