Got this joke as an email...

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough For me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my Puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do
For you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

hey,i will be back to read this.I just tryed posting in our other area.I lost it somehow alot of people were posting at once.So ck back there soon.Right now i have to go upstairs
#1mom

I'm a woman and that was one of the funnest things i read. Thanks for that

Very funny!!!

ROFL This is GREAT!!!

Glad everyone liked it! I thought it was pretty funny!

ROFL!!!!!!! That's great...thanks so much for that I neeeded a good laugh.

LOL!!!

he he he <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

BAAWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! TOO FUNNY MAMAFISH...that is unless Mr. Wondering reads it, and uses it against me...hee hee hee!!!

Personally, I'm partial to the sign that we have in one of our stores that reads...

YOUR HUSBAND CALLED, HE SAID TO BUY ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT!!!

Mrs. Wondering

o.k. I'm stupid. I don't get it. I'd rather have sex than the new outfits...
er ... ahemm... what was it about the shoes??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

ok..here goes..another joke

This man was in a terrible accident and his penis was cut off. At the hospital, the doctor came into the room to speak to him and his wife. The doctor said "The good news is we can replace what has been lost and the bad news is the cost. For a small one it's $5,000. For a medium sized one it's $10,000 and for a the large it's $15,000. I know this is a big decision so you and your wife can discuss the matter and I will return shortly for your answer."

Later when the doctor returned the man said, "We'll take the small one, my wife would rather have a new kitchen."

Another groaner with apologies to all BH:

Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

ROFL!

Here's another:

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country... we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives . . . "

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."

Your jokes are all funny. This is my favorite one. No offense to the wonderful attys. here.

Two male attorneys are celebrating winning a large settlement case by going on an ocean cruise.

After a couple of days on the cruise, the ship sinks.
Both attys. scramble to a life boat and row to a deserted island by themselves.

They were on this deserted island for a loooong time.

One day a beautiful blonde woman, hardly wearing anything swims up to shore.

As she is making her way out of the water towards the bewildered men

One of the attorneys says - Wow, I sure would like to f her.

The other attorney replied - Outta what ????


Carnation

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />