Fwh and I will be married 27 years on the 20th of this month.

I mentioned to fwh I wanted to go away on our Anniversary weekend.

There was a heavy silence, then fwh said it would not be possible to go because he was on call that week, starting the 19th.

The air was heavy with unsaid words and silence.

He then went on to say that some guys from work were going to a sports show 40 minutes away that weekend, and wanted him to go with him.

My heart felt heavy and sad.

I don't remember what my reply to him about the sports show was, but I did say, why don't we celebrate our Anniversay this weekend instead.

We have come so far, but we still struggle with those certain moments, such as above.

I will not say anything about his going to the sports show.

The idea that he says he can't celebrate our anniversay in the same breath as saying he wants to go to the day sports show on our anniversary weekend, cuts like a knife.

Maybe he is right, I am never satisfied.

He has made an effort to start shooting clay pigeons with me.

We now go out to dinner together and with family.

He treats me kindly most of the time.

I should be satisfied.

What I feel is missing from our relationship is

physical affection

saying I love you

How much he values me

I know he is trying to a point, but I still feel he is not fully understanding the importance of filling my ENs.

He knows I know how to read him like a book. That is how I found out even before the dd that he was in love with Tina, the OW.

I asked if he was in love with Tina, and his eyes darted to the right while saying no.

Not long ago while we were talking he mentioned not liking to look me in the eyes during certain talks.

Could it be that he is trying to love me in the verb sense, and although he says he loves me, could it be that they are just words said to make me feel better??

Our relationship is so lacking in honesty.

Well thank you for letting me vent my feelings of sadness and concern.

I appreciate all of my fellow marriage builders friends.

Gratefully,

K.D.'s Heartbreak

{{{{{{{{{{{{K.D.}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I understand -so sorry for this. I honestly understand and will not bore you with my stories but I know it cuts like a knife.

Thank you, Realtor for your kind words.
I just wanted you to know, your stories never bore me.

K.D.'s Heartbreak

KD-Soul sister, I'm so sorry you're feeling blue. You know about me and my H. We can only support each other at times like these.

I don't understand this. Why wouldn't you talk to him about this? You have every right to be upset. It might be different if it wasn't your anniversary weekend, but it is. This is a special time that you should spend together.

You need to talk to him. Conflict avoidance will get you nowhere, I know I am the queen of it! When you talk to him focus on how you feel not on what he is doing wrong. Tell him you were looking forward to celebrating your M together and you are disapointed to not be with him.

What's the worst that can happen? He'll get mad? So what!

Hi MOB,

Thank you for your support, sister. Your commpassion helps make the sadness a little more bearable.
This marriage board is pretty much the only place I can get support now.


Family have gotten to the point where they really don't want to listen anymore, though they are too polite to say so.

I am still on this rollercoaster of emotions, one day up and the next day down. But the speed, strength, and force of it is mild compared to months ago.

I know longer feel like my life is over if my marriage doesn't work.

There are still times I fantsize about starting fresh on my own, especially when I feel like our recovery is not moving as fast as I believe it should, or it is sliding backward.

Thinkng about what the future might bring without being married, sustains me through those moments of disappointment and sadness of thinking how our lives should be, but are not.

How have you been doing MBOB?

[/quote]

I don't understand this. Why wouldn't you talk to him about this? You have every right to be upset. It might be different if it wasn't your anniversary weekend, but it is. This is a special time that you should spend together.

You need to talk to him. Conflict avoidance will get you nowhere, I know I am the queen of it! When you talk to him focus on how you feel not on what he is doing wrong. Tell him you were looking forward to celebrating your M together and you are disapointed to not be with him.

What's the worst that can happen? He'll get mad? So what! [/quote]

Thank you Kloe for your advice,
You are right, he should know how I feel, which he does.
I was not conflict avoiding, I was, actually, thinking about letting him discover on his own that what he was doing was hurtful. I know his guilt will be eating him, knowing what he is doing is wrong.

My husband is not selfish, so this act of wanting to go to a sports show with his buddies from work will get to his conscience.

I can't make him want to do things with me.

I wouldn't want him to do what he doesn't want to do.

He has to make that decision himself.

He knows right from wrong, and knows what he wants is, in fact, wrong.

He knows the importance of Anniversarys.

He will know how I feel about this because of my air of sadness.

This is something he is going to have to work out himself. For me to pressure him, would cause resentment.

The one thing I have learned from all of this is we can't force others to do what we feel is right.

We can only control how we respond to others and make our own decisions on what is acceptable.

He will have to deal with the consequences of making choices like the above.

Thanks again for your input Kloe,

Gratefully,
K.D.'s Heartbreak