Where do I begin, my W and I have been married for 10 years. She is an avoider and doesn’t like to communicate on any real level. This has caused real problems in our marriage. She has also had intimacy issues with me the entire relationship.

In August, she threw up her hands and said she wanted to leave. She decided she wanted o go to therapy by her self. I found out she was working on getting stronger so she could leave. I couldn’t believe it.

I decided to go to therapy and work on my own issues that might be part of the problem. I finally got her to reluctantly go to couples therapy in September. We have been going since trying to convince her this marriage is worth saving.

This entire time she decided she needed more independent time so I let her take off on Sundays while I watched our 7 year old boy.

She also started work late every night. She moved into the spare bedroom and has been very very distant and cold to me.

She finally admitted she has been having a very passionate affair with a guy at work. He broke up with his girlfriend and wants my W very badly. My wife just turned 40 and we have been married for 10 years. They have been telling each other that they love each other. She is telling me that she does not love me any more BUT she wants me to keep stay in the house and don’t get an attorney just yet. She says she is torn but it would not be fare to work on the marriage when she feels the pull of this guy.

She seems to have no remorse and wanted to continue this affair. In fact, she is moving out and wants to see if the relationship can work. She says she feels very comfortable with him sexually and can talk to him unlike me. On the other hand, I am a roommate and she says she never wants to sleep with me again. She says she wants her own place and doesn’t want to live with him.

She see how hard I have tried to show her I love her and to stay home but she says she needs to do this. I am feeling a little out of control at the moment. I feel so sad for my son. I am from a divorced family and I know the pain. I just don’t get it, she is running away from her issues.

Help.

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Designguy,

Have you read about plan A and plan B? If not do so NOW. Also document everything, because when she leaves you will want to make sure your child is NOT around OM. Further, if she does leave you it can be considered abandonment, thus weakening any claims on custody.

The potential loss of her child as well as the marriage may well wake her up. Have you determined her needs? Have you exposed the A to anyone, specifically family, and work? If not it is time.

The goal here is to end the A or put a lot of pressure on it. Until it ends you can expect to hear nothing positive about you, your marriage, or the future with you. We call this the "fog" and it is real as you now well know.

Please do the reading of the articles here. There is a series of plans that are effective in dealing with this, and when you are done even if the marriage ends you will know you have done all you could to preserve this marriage.

Get to work, then ask questions, and many here will help you.

God Bless,

JL

I have done Plan A for 4 months and it has kept her in the house but it is a stalemate at the moment. She has decided to move out. She annouced it in therapy last night. I don't know what to do. She wants to see what it's like with this other man who is trying to get her to leave me.

If you know who the other man is, have you exposed the Affair to his friends, family and coworkers?

Make sure they know children are involved and being hurt by his actions.

You must expose. Your W is cake-eating. Your child is going to suffer as a child of D.

Do you know om's identity? Contact information?Place of employment?

Expose.Anything else is enabling the destruction of your family. Fight for your family.