O.k. - it has been suggested & I agree that I should give WH a second Plan B letter with the new intermediary contact info. This all hinges on my BIL agreeing to do this - I plan on talking to him tomorrow.

Also, I would be oh so happy to send a copy of this to OW and OWH. So keep that in mind as well.

Here goes:

WH,

Please know how very much I love you. I hold onto the memory of a man that is my husband and the father of my child. I have protected that love away to keep for you when we are once again together.

Your continued pursuit of OW keeps us apart. The pain of knowing you continue this Affair and that you and OW continue to get together is sharp and piercing, which is why I cannot place myself back into a relationship that involves a third person. Until you can show me that you have made the decision to end the Affair, I cannot see or speak to you.

I have talked with BIL and he has agreed to take over with communication between you and I. Please respect my wishes and do not contact me unless it is an emergency. Please only call BIL with matters concerning DS and scheduling or when you are ready and able to show me that the Affair is over. Unless you desire otherwise, the schedule with DS is as follows:

XXX
XXX
XXX

Here is BIL's contact information:

WH, this is the hardest thing that I have ever had to endure in my entire life. Through all of this I am continuing togrow in character and am improving myself as a person. I have even begun an on-line course on budgeting and finances. It so very hard for me to not see or speak to you. But I respect myself too much to allow myself back into the same situation.

I have great hope for our Marriage. I still believe in you, WH. I believe in us. I know in my heart that one day our marrige will be better than it has ever been. I am so proud of you for gettn a new job. My feelings for you and belief in us are strong and pure. I look forward to welcoming you home one day to be with DS and I. He is learning so much and has even taken over reading night time stories. There is one important person missing - You.

I love you still, with all my heart.

Love always,

Kim

Kim, I really like this letter, but I wonder if it would be better to send him a copy of your old one just to reinforce the message without confusing him? You could stick a note to the top saying something like here is our new intermediary and a visitation schedule. I have included a copy of my letter which outlines under what conditions I am to be contacted, namely that you get rid of OW. Best regards, Kim

That way, it doesn't appear that you are REOPENING a dialogue, but simply reiterating what you told him before. What do you think?

Any word from your BIL yet?

I was hoping to get to send something else to OW and OWH. More to show her I have not give up and that I am still strong & focused.

Like my Plan A, if I could I would go back and re-do my Plan B letter. How about:

"I have included a copy of my original letter to you. My feelings that I expressed about you and the great hope that I have for our Marriage remains embedded in my heart. The letter outlines the conditions in which I am to be contacted. Get rid of OW, your Affair is keeping us apart. I love you, Kim"

K

oh boy, I love that note! What a nice note to arrive at the OW's house!

p.s. are you going to whip OWH an email just alerting him to the renewed contact? That way he is not caught off guard when he gets your letter.

I have not called him. I wanted to get my focus together, be strong & not get all teary with him when I call. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I will be good for the call tomorrow. I believe he will be better to talk to during work hours, so I'll call him during the day.

He really is an excellent candidate. Is aware of the A, my sis probably tells him some stuff but he has not once tried to "advise" me. I know he can treat this like "business". I plan on laying out for him what "conversations" I will entertain from WH:
1 - Questions about DS
2 - Visitation scheduling
3 - That he has dumped OW.

Inquiries from WH about refi is out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Dating is out unless OW is out. And if BIL ever feels uncomfortable with his job, he needs to let me know.

Kim

You know what I think? Although Charlie and Sara had the best of intentions, I honestly wonder if Charlie didn't prolong all this by playing marriage counselor? I think he bought into your H's nonsense and actually encouraged his victim mentality.

I honestly hope your BIL understands that a) your H is a manipulator and b) you aren't asking him to play marriage counselor

Yep, I plan on doing that too. I was hoping to hear back from Charlie today about DS's schedule with WH. Don't know why that's keeping me from doing the e-mail. I was holding off for reasons that I won't share b/c it is not a good reason......I need to hit myself on the head with a 2 x 4.

Which leads me to another question. O.k. I listened to the VM yesterday and the message from WH was about a schedule. WH said that with the new job, he might not get over this way until 5:30 so I would need to pick up DS from the neighbor. He wants to see DS Tuesdays and Thursdays at about that time. My call to Charlie yesterday morning was to ask about scheduling(this was before I listened to the VM). So, Charlie was going to check & call me back.

No call back all day. I pick up DS at 5 PM. 5:05. WH is in the driveway for DS. I don't send DS out. WH knocks on the door & DS runs to open it. I make comments to DS that I didn't know Daddy was coming(I know, not good to lie). I knew he might come if Charlie didn't get a hold of him to let him know a schedule needed to be worked out. So I ended up letting DS go with WH.

Charlie called later on that night to say that WH has not returned his calls. Charlie also asked me if DS got to see WH? I said yeah, but I didn't know he was coming. I told Charlie to let me know when he heard something from WH.

Should I not be home tomorrow afternoon with DS? I don't want to play games, but I have not heard back. I don't want WH to think not using the go-between is o.k. and he can just show up.

Kim

You are exactly right on with that. I think he did more injury to our sitch than he realizes. I wish I had thought out the requirements of the "job" more thoroughly before I asked them. At the time though, I really did believe that Charlie would be a positive influence. I had no idea that it would turn out this way.

I am going to add you a & b to the job description for BIL.

So, I should resend my original Plan B letter to OW & OWH with the note? I didn't include OWH in my original mailing of the letter back in October....

Kim:

An excellent plan.

LM

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I was going to recommend adding

Emergencies are of the medical nature only - refis don't qualify.

good one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

K