Well here we go - seat belts buckled and ready for another ride.

It seems WH has seen OW since around Christmas - in a tempertantrum any 2 yr old would be proud of. He screamed at me that she had her hair cut and dyed brown -that he told her she looked like an old woman and just like his Mother -that she looked HORRIBLE. Then stormed out of the room . This was Sunday night.

Today was going to have a talk about this _Iwaited needed tiem to calm down and not LB. He asjked me to join him for lunch. We went had nice lunch and went outside to walk along waterfront -were I planned to ak my questions. He men tioned that he had to fax a copy of his choice for life insurance -being that time of year. He stated the costs have gone up now that he is 60. He was only insuraning for 47,000.00 instead of the $300,000.00 we had origanally. He shoed me the forms and I said what about the one for $189,000.00? He said it was $300.00 more a year then the one for $139,000.00. He said our propertys are worth alot. I said I know that but we owe $170,000.00 in mortagages and I would need something as I would have no health insurace and would have to pay out of my pocket. He stated that he has 4x the insurance for acctidental death is he died in a car accident. He also then stated what do you think I am going to die? I said no of course not but honey, you do work outside here in Fl. around wires ect. Plus you had always said you would keep a good amount of life insurance to help me out if anything did happen because you loved me and would take care of me always. He said but are properties are worth alot. I agreed but in this market nothing is selling -especially high priced homes and sometimes they can take a year to sell. Plus your pension ends if you die and I would have nothing but commissions to live on. That just is not happening in this market right now. Please can we talk about this later. You have till Monday to get this report in. He was not talking anymore - i WAS FURIOUS . I just wanted to get away from him and told him to please get out of my car and just let me go. I really needed to cool down. He would not leave. Kept hammering at me about -Do you think I am going to die? I said no -listent - just do what ever the [email]h@ll[/email] you want . You have already decided and this is not a joint decision. As you have know about this for 3 wks and never deiscussed this with me. As we always did -so just get out and leave me alone.

I am so upset I could spit nails.......Has anyone ever had their S drop life insurance on them because of an A ? Or is the FOG rolling back in.

Its weird when I got home the sea fog has rolled in and that did notahppen since last time he was seeing her. Feels like a sign ???????? Can hardly see outside.

Any attorney or financial advisor will tell him never to leave property WITHOUT money. And the accidental death thing is just stupid. (Ooops, was that a DJ?) Why do you think they will insure for 4X's as much? Because the chances of it happening are low.

Sorry, but I would insist that he POJA this. Of course, keep in mind that I'm getting a divorce.

My H change his will when he was having his affair. He was planning on divorcing me but found out it would be very expensive for him so decided against that. When I found out about the affair and confronted him, he said he would quit but then weeks later I was still finding evidance that it was still going on. He didn't come clean about the will or contacting his atterney. I found the appt. dates on his callendar at work and then found the new will hidden in some files. It has been a year and a half. I'm getting paperwork together to file. My heart hasn't changed, I would still give him another chance if I was sure he realy loved me and wanted to build a happy marriage. I'm just not willing to stay in a bad marriage. I can't stay nice and loving in a bad marriage and then I am the one with the things that are wrong. I can't take the sneaking around and lack of care any more. I was surprised that you decided to give it another try. You were sooo fed up before Christmas.

Believe I said the exact same thing -he said I know that. Is this dumb [email]a@$[/email] stuff or what???????? I am telling him in a few minutes that the games are over - I have already stated just a few minutes ago that the single life is over the independent decisions he is making are over. He can not keep doing this as he is married. He will be calling back in a few minutes and I plan to tell him I can noit take this anymore. He needs to decide and today just the ****** he watns to be sinlge or with me which equals SU -we make decisions we do not see others -that he opens up to me like a book or it is OVER. I am not being NICe anymore -enough is enough. I can live quit nicely on my own -with a big sign out front _ MEN beware there is a man killing woman living here.!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can tell him this without DJ's or LB's. It is all part of the lack of care and concern that goes with an affair. My WH dropped me off of his pension just when he was retiring. He wanted to save $2,000. a year, and leave me with nothing. This was after I raised his 6 kids for the last 12 years.

The thing is that for a marriage to work, both people have to follow POJA. One person cannot make unilateral decisions that concern the other one's future.

That is exactly what AI told him.

Just got off the phone with him. Of course now he never said any of the above. I let him know that I was there as well and heard what I heard. He is taking enough to pay mortgages and I can sell both homes and live very comfortably -with my sign our front. I told him these independent desiions are ended if we are to be a couple. I plan on letting him know that I want a NC letter sent Saturday and I will mail it. I am slamming down my boundries and if he can not do some of these things then he can move out. I have really had it. I am a very kind woman -maybe to kind but when this woman has had enough LOOK out or else. I have had to do this with him many many years ago. When kids were small. I do not like getting to this oint but I am there. I will not tolerate one more thing -I am so over his lying and saying he never said things. It is time to see if he will do the things I need or else we are done. I will let you guys know what happens -at this point I am fine with either decision and can live with mywself.

It's good that you feel so strong. Just try to do this without DJ's and LB's. Let him know that you would prefer to stay married and have a wonderful life with him.

OK I'll try but if he starts twisitng things around again I am not sure I can guarantee no LB's. I am just fead up -you know I will try very hard. I just do not know how much try I have left this seems to be the end of my trying. I have had to be ough a couple of times years ago -seemed to be the only way to work things with him to get him to see I am serious. As much as I hate it. When my kids were young I left him at one point that woke him up. Of course I lived up north and was close to friends and family here I have no one to move in with. I also will not leave my home another time for him.

I am so sorry Realtor.

You deserve much better.

Let him know that being taken care of financially is a deal breaker. Explain it shows love and care for what would happen to you if something should happen.

I understand the anger and hurt.

I understand the half truths or omition of the facts, oh yeah, been there and done that.

Some days struggling is just plain ole tiring, and you start to question yourself if the marriage or the fws is worth it.

Hang in there and pitch your case without anger or the knee jerk reaction.

Think about the pros and cons of life insurance, and the boundries that you are willing to place down, and the final consequences of doing so.

I know it is so hard to not get upset. I don't know about you, but when I am upset, I get sidetracked from my original position.

In order to keep on tract, it might be helpful to write on note cards brief key words to remind you of what you want to say.

Let us know how it goes (((Realtor))).

up date - of course when I set my boundries with him yesterday afternoon late- and last night -he never was going to take just $47,000.00 -he was always going to take care of me -so he is taking the orginal $47,00 plus an andded 139,000.00 which will give me $180,000.00 he says. So with that I can pay off mortgages -have him buried in a swamp and leaves me with enough to pay utilities until house sell. As long as I do not have to pay flood, wind, and home onwers insurance for another year out of pocke oh and taxes. grrrrrrrr. But alot better than $47,000.00 plus I loose my medical so I better not get sick. My life insurance will also be over . I could pay Cobra for 15 months. Who knows what those premiums will be.

I also brought up him seeing OW and comments about her hair - was going to set boundries and ask for NC letter. HE never said those things to her and it all happened in OCtober. blah,blah,blah,blah.

I am no doneyet with all this crap.
I just got sick of hearing his lies -so after I see proof of life insurance we shall tackle the rest of this BS.
I did say I am sick of his excuses and twisitng the truth.

{{{{Realtor}}}}

The money stuff is sucky to deal with ---- Continue standing your ground!

You're doing good!

Kim

{{{Realtor}}}

Things were looking so good around Christmas, pity that it all turned around so quick.

Cat

He just has himself immerssed in this tub of lies and can not see himself any longer. He has said so many different things. Changes his stories all the time. I never know what will come out of his mouth or what he will do next. At times it is like he still tries to hurt me and other times he is so loving . Or is it charm to shut me up? I just don't know anymore.

I think you did fine. It seems like he reacts better when you have boundaries. The insurance should be adequate. When you have property, you need enough money to buy time so you aren't forced to take a loss.

No insurance or provision is a sore point with me. When he was 15, my son's girlfriend's dad died and left the family nothing. His wife was a SAHM. Not only did his family have to grieve his loss, they lost their home, were forced to move to an apartment that wouldn't take their pets (we still have those), and went through horrible hardships.

I used to feel like going to his grave, digging him up, and kicking his a**.

yes next boundry is writing the NC letter. Which he has refused to do. So If I have to I will write it for him and he can rewrite it in his own hand writing. I am sealing my boundries with steel and concrete. I have had it-fed up -done nada. He knows when I get like this I have had it. Just like a month ago his wanting to buy a couple acres of land and put an RV on it up where he works. I salmmed that door shut right then. I said NO -that is not going to happen - no LOVE nests for you to go shag in with any women. Ended that discusion. He is so weird. I think he gets into these fanatises. Dream worlds sometimes -dropped that topic.

Would there be any possibility of channeling those dreams toward something positive? Buying old houses, and fixing them up - starting a business?

At this point he says he wants to do things and get the stuff he needs to do things around here and our rental but never does anything wiht the materials. Sometimes he does and does alot of work then weeks go by with nothing being done. He is also working 12 hr days and some Sat. so I do not wnat anymore projects for this man. Plus I have made it clear no other propertys for him to have a place to meet OW until I know she is deceased or crippled or crazy. I have no trust at this point and it may take a few years for him to earn it.

Yes, it sounds like he doesn't need any more projects. How long does he have to work such long hours?

I like that line!!

Kim

Realtor:

That's a very interesting way you state things.

I don't know if I'd describe your writing the NC letter for him and then having him rewrite it as sealing your "boundaries with steel and concrete"...I'm operating on no sleep in the past 34 hours, so perhaps I'll see it differently tomorrow.

Goodluck with this.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />