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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 15
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 15 |
My wife had an EA that lasted maybe 8yrs with a guy she went to high school with. We are in our fourties and have been married 17 yrs. DD was late last Nov. we have been doing really great(but it has been an emotional roller coaster ride). I know it is going to take some time but things are going good, we are talking a lot.
She had sent an email to a girl friend the other day about her EA. In the letter she said it will be different now but in her heart she will always love him(other guy). I don't like the way this makes me feel. She does not know I saw this email. Will she grow away from this guy with time. She said she will have NC with him. Keep in mind this guy lives 600mi away. I do not want to force this issue sents we have made so much progress.
Thanks for your thoughts,
S28
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Yep - she will lose her feelings for him. You have to realize that the whole thing was just a fantasy, and it may be hard for her to let it go.
Just keep working on your relationship with your wife, and one day she won't remember even feeling anything for him.
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 428
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 428 |
This reminds me of an interesting take on love that Harley said to me when I spoke to him on the phone. He said, 'love is an intersting feeling. When you are in love with someone, you feel like you've always loved them. When you fall out of love with someone, you feel like you never loved them.'
So he said the ultimate goal for me to win back my wife was to make her feel like she was in love with me again. Which I did.
Guess what she said when she felt like she loved me again? 'I have always loved you.'
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 428
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 428 |
Another thing to keep in mind - Sure she will eventually lose her feelings for him, as long as she doesn't see him again.
She should never come in contact with him again.
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 15
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 15 |
Sundog, does that mean she should never email(even as friend)him a gain?
S28
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 428
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 428 |
Absolutely.
People have affairs and 'fall in love' over the internet all the time, often without ever having met each other! Any form of communication cannot happen. This is strictly insisted by Dr. Harley himself.
Pick up a copy of His Needs, Her Needs. You'll see it all spelled out by the Dr himself.
Good luck.
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,383
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,383 |
S28
so glad you came over here. You have got great advice too.
Yes as long as there is NO CONTACT at all then her feelings will fade and most likely rebond to you & family as she turns towards you.
To help that along make sure you know what plan A is and do the emotional needs questionnaire with her if you have not done so. Work on filling those needs as much as she will let you ... dont worry you realy don't have to be superman & meet all needs all the time ! Its about filling her love bank for you ..read Plab A & the MB site here to understand what that means. It does work.
All the best
Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.
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