No - I would not do anything else right now. See what Mel suggests to you later on - My WH continues to call me & leave me VM. I listened to them at first, but now am completely ignoring them.

He has instructions to go through my intermediary.

Just don't do anything right now.

Kim

KDEE- Have you read any of the Marrige Builders information and tools??

Plan B means NO CONTACT... If you follow Harley's rules, this mean NO CONTACT... You don't RESPOND to NOTHING..
Block his phone numbers and email... Block him out of your life forever... That is what Plan B means...

You will have to be strong and find ways to avoid him teasing your into breaking your letter. If you give in at all you loose... That is what Plan B is about... Protecting you... Not pulling them back in... He may never come back. Protecting your love for him and you healing with out him is Plan B. Yes, it may clear his fog and he may realize that he just lost the best woman in the world and come running back before you are gone..

KDEE, I am really not trying to be a smart a$$ here. I am not an expert at all... I am a BS and tyring to save my wife from the biggest mistake of her life. I know this is painful... PLEASE read the marriage builders tools and use them. Scrape up $185 dollars and call Steve or Jennifer Harley for the straight truth on how to use THERE tools.

BTW~ Plan B may last forever... This is why you must have a plan for yourself and defense mechs in place to protect you from breaking your rules.
There are many good people on this site but only you know when the time is right to do what it is you have to do..

Yes, Hang in there girl... You can do it... Be strong.. One step at a time, and day by day and your be fine..

Good luck and God Bless

KDee, I have to agree with the others, I think you shouldn't contact him at all after thinking this through. He is testing your resolve to see if you are serious, so you must show him this.

The way to deal with the "willing" issue is if he does contact you saying he is "willing" to do those things, you will have to clarify that he has to actually DO those things first.

I am not sure what you mean by giving it a week, but it usually takes much longer than that for Plan B to have an effect, if it does. There is no timetable at all. If he does what the letter says, then Plan B can possibly end.

Trying to soak of all this in right now....but I know my focus needs to be no contact whatsoever....and I know I can do it. But honestly, I am not going to let Plan B drag out forever. If that's the case, I need to pick up my life and move on. I'm not going to wait around for months until he can decide what he wants to do. He’s not worth my time if that's the case. I have no family here, 2 good friends I have made, and that's it. I can't let it drag out forever....if that's the case, and then I’m going to have to let him go.

But FOR NOW, I will abide by the No Contact Rules. I will ignore him etc.....until he shows action, which I understand may never be.

Thank you guys...I’ll get back to you soon...

KDEE- I want to add that Plan A or Plan B is not about waiting around for your WS to return... Rather it is moving on with life and healing yourself and understanding what went wrong and improving yourself.
When my WW asked me if I was just going to wait around for her to return. I said, NO WAY baby.. I am preparing for the future. I would love nothing more than to share it with you but that is your choice... No pitty parties here...

I suggest that you keep life moving... Don't date any men of course, but yes go and have fun with your friends. (NO MEN).. Keep living and doing the good things in your life.
Actually he will most likely be keeping tabs on you weather your contacting him or not.

See the no contact will drive him nuts and he will be dieing to no what your doing. Probably look for any little reason to call or come over.

If you have been in regular contact with him and doing a plan A (I HOPE YOU DID PLAN A) then will be shocked by your sudden 180...

KDee, expect the first week to be the hardest. You will miss him and he will persistently try to break Plan B. But don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed. Just focus on building your own life without him and you can't lose no matter what happens. If you feel tempted to call him, and you will, come here instead and let us help you.

Hey guys...had a great night last night. hung out with friends; ate, drank (very little) and just talked the night away. I stayed with my friends, but got up around 6 to come home. I was wide awake.

Anyway, Yes i did do Plan A, so me not responding to him is already putting him in shock. He didn't try to contact me at all last night, so that is good. I think the sick part of me wants him to contact me so i can just ignore it. I already have fun plans for this weekend, so that helps.

These have been the longest days of my life....and it was only since Thursday. I know I have to have strength, but i find myself wanting to drive to the area he's at and find him. I don't know why I want to do this. Prob because I would have done it before....I have to learn just to live without him.

Even though part of me wants to talk to him, I WON'T do it. I said I was doing Plan B, and I'm sticking to it.

Good for you Kdee!!

You sound a lot like me - when you decide to do something you stick to it.

Glad you had a fun night last night ---

Kim

Thanks Kim! I'm trying to be positive, but it seems like today is kinda hard for me. I guess because it's the weekend and I'm so used to being with my H on the weekends. I haven't cried in weeks and this morning i just sobbed.

I know everyone understands how I feel.....I am just so angry. But we can't change the past. And i think i keep looking to change it somehow. Just keep me in your prayers....hopefully this weekend won't be too hard emotionally.....

{{{KDee}}}

The feeling will pass, believe me. I have had those times where I could do nothing but cry. Just "ride that wave" as they say.

Friday nights were the worst for me - so I made sure to plan something special each Friday. It helped incredibly.

Now I look forward to Friday nights!

Kim

Thanks. It makes me feel better knowing that others are going through what I am going through and I appreciate all the advice. I will just have to "ride the wave." Talk to you guys soon..

BW 26 me
WH 29
Married 06-20-2003
Moved to this state 08-01-2004
Friendship between my WH and the OW began in 11-2004 then the A began i believe around 03-2005
DDay 09-17-2005
Plan A - didn't work...was still contacting the OW
Asked him to leave (Plan B)Wednesday, 01/11/2006

Okay so i just called his sis (he has 3 sis's) but only one knows. he is closest to her. She had no idea he was still having an A. She was very upset and she pretty much said "KDee, he is my brother and i can't turn my back on him...YOu are a great person and you deserve better...you deserve someone who can respect and honor you." She was devestated. I told her I just wanted to make her aware of what was going on and that i told him to leave.

Then i Called my H's mom. She already knew. He and his mom are close and she is a great person. Has always treated me wonderfuly. In fact, my H's real dad cheated on his mom, so she can understand how i feel. She said my H called her the night he moved out...he took a deep breath and told her that he moved out b/c things were still going on. She was very disappointed in him, but bottom line again, that's her son and she's not turning her back on him.

I told her that's not what i was calling for. I didn't and wouldn't expect her to turn her back on him. But i wanted to make her aware of what was going on. So they now know.

My H's mom said to call her anytime i needed anything, or if i wanted to come stay with them. She was so casual on the phone...kinda like it was no big deal. I know she's sad about it, but heck, what can she do?


BW 26 me
WH 29
Married 06-20-2003
Moved to this state 08-01-2004
Friendship between my WH and the OW began in 11-2004 then the A began i believe around 03-2005
DDay 09-17-2005
Plan A - didn't work...was still contacting the OW
Asked him to leave (Plan B)Wednesday, 01/11/2006

Kdee -

Have you exposed everywhere else you can? How about the other 2 sisters?

Very good for making sure the Mom was aware. My WH's mom was on the casual side as well. Supportive of what I am doing though. SHE also had to go through an A with her first M!!

Kim

no, the other two don't know a thing. at this point, what good does it do to tell them? he's not that close to them, just this one sis that knows...he is extremely close to her.

question. i have this feeling i want to call his mom back and ask her what he said (since i know they had a conversation). is this smart? just wondering because while i was on the phone with her, i got the feeling that she was saying it was already over....what should i do?

KDee - Your best bet is to pretend like your husband is gone completely. Move on with your life, and go out with friends. Don't think about him, worry about what he is telling people, or contact him.

Everyone expects things to happen in Plan B. But it isn't like that. You can probably plan on several months before he "gets it".

So figure out how you are going to make yourself happy during this time.

Honestly Believer, i won't stick around for a couple of months. And it's kinda hard to stop thinking about this...i'm sure you can understand that. I haven't contacted him...which has been extremely hard. But I am managing.

But there is no way I'm gonna stick around for months for him to decide if he wants me or not. Why do I want a man like that? I already gave him a handful of chances. I told him that in a week he needed to decide if he was going to meet my criteria. Maybe i'm crazy, but that seems long enough (since we've never gone more than a day without talking) to make up his mind. Can you blame me? I love him and want to be with him, but just letting him "coast" and do this while he's married, no way!

Everyone has their limits. No one would blame you if you just upped and divorced him.

Sorry if i seemed kinda on the defense. AAGGHH!!! i just want to scream! I have this part of me that says "get out of here..move closer to your family..friends...you can start your life fresh...and one day meet someone great." then i have this other part that says "you love this man, don't give up."

I'm so stuck in the middle. I have been through so much in the last year and a half and i just don't think i'm strong enough to maybe have to deal with him and I being in Plan B for months...heck even weeks! i don't have time for that. I can't put my life on hold for a man who wants two women. I'll just have to see how this next week turns out...

t [color:"pink"] [/color] he o/w most likely feels the same way. It's hard to explain...i never thought i'd be on a site talking about this...but maybe we can help each other in some way. I truly love the man i am in such a sticky situation with...and i have actually tried really hard to talk with his wife and to work something out even. I have even prayed that God would take these feelings out of my heart...i have cried so many tears..and i honestly feel so badly for her..she has begged me to let go. But,how can i let go of the one man i've loved all my life. I made a mistake many years ago by letting him go..and i can't make it again.He is my best friend in the whole world. I don't want to hurt anybody..but i don't know what to do. And i know he does'nt want to hurt either one of us. He does'nt want to have two women,but since there are so many factors, (and children) involved...he is just not sure how on earth to move...he says it's like playing a chess game...you have to be so careful how to make your next move. He wants us all to be okay...I do too. I'm exhausted. And i wish so much that we three could talk together...but he says it's not a good idea...that trying to reason with her,or to get her to understand is just impossible..it'll never happen. She only wants things her way or no way..and could never support us. I have a feeling this nightmare could last for years longer.

Ashley, it seems you are much much diff than the OW I am dealing with. My H met her at his job, she is 13 years or so older than him. We have been in counseling and through counseling have learned that my H has always felt beneath me. Because I have a degree and a good career...and he just graduated high school (which i could care less about)! This along with issues with his dad, in a way led him to this other woman. She is, in his mind, on the same level as her.

He is a courier for a known delivery company, he met her there. In all honesty, they have nothing in common (he's even told me that). I believe, and he has even said that he met someone diff than me who didn't seem "jealous" or "extra loving" etc...And someone who he built a friendship, then an emotional relationship, then a sexual relationship with. He never knew this woman before. When this all first happened, I tried to call her and just talk. She wouldn't have anything to do with it. She sent nasty text messages and was truly hateful. And this isn't the first married man she has been with. She makes a game of this.

SO, although our situations may be alike. My H never knew the woman before. We just moved here and that's when the A started. I have done some much for my H when his own family deserted him. I and only I have been there when no one else has. It's very hard to say I have sympathy for you. And I don't mean that in a nasty way... I just have been through so much while this woman makes a game of going from one married man to another.

Bottom line is that I’m a beautiful, smart, outgoing woman who has put her life on hold for someone who chose to be with someone else. I have so much to offer and he took it all for granted. Of course I want to be with him and work it out, but I’m not going to make someone want to be with me or love me. He has not been to the point about making a decision and he keeps me hanging by a thread. I’m not waiting months to find out what he wants. He either has an answer for me by the end of the week, or I’m doing dissolution of marriage.

BW 26 me
WH 29
Married 06-20-2003
Moved to this state 08-01-2004
Friendship between my WH and the OW began in 11-2004 then the A began i believe around 03-2005
DDay 09-17-2005
Plan A - didn't work...was still contacting the OW
Asked him to leave (Plan B)Wednesday, 01/11/2006