So going on my 4th day of Plan B. I have had a great weekend so far and plan on being with friends again today....but I just feel so sick today. I have felt like this since my H left, and it's not getting easier. I'm dying to know where he went and what he's doing. And I know that is not how Plan B works....but it's driving me crazy!

My stomach has been hurting and I'm having anxiety. I took some anti-depressants last night but I don't know when they actually start taking effect.

I'm mixed between being sad and angry....one minute I miss him and the next I hope I don't see him again. I will not contact him, but it's so hard....what if he text messages me again? Do I do what Mel said and send him a text saying:




I just feel like the ground is slipping from under me. I am trying to be positive and "move on," but I am so angry, I just wish I could punch him!

BW 26 me
WH 29
Married 06-20-2003
Moved to this state 08-01-2004
Friendship between my WH and the OW began in 11-2004 then the A began I believe around 03-2005
DDay 09-17-2005
Plan A - didn't work...was still contacting the OW
Asked him to leave (Plan B) Wednesday, 01/11/2006

I think punching is considered an LB here.

The anti-D's should start working in about 21 days if they are the regular ones. Do you take them everyday?

I know...the punching thing isn't right....all my rage was coming out.

I just started taking them yesterday evening...so it looks like it'll be a month or so before they kick in. Which will be good b/c I have a feeling my marriage isn't going to work out...And i'll need something to help me cope with it.

KDee -

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? by Dr. Harley --I think you can get it from the library. It will give you a deeper understanding of what your WH is thinking - it helped me figure a lot of things out.

Your WH is addicted right now - He needs someone to pull him out of that.

Kim

HI Kim, no I don't have that book. When the A happened I bought "Not just Friends." That helped a little, but I'll be sure to go check out Dr. Harley's book tomorrow.

Yeah, I have come to the realization that he's addicted. It's just like a drug. I feel like when i said "okay leave, Plan B is in action." I pretty much handed a drug user a needle with heroin and expect them not to use. I mean...I know he's staying in a hotel/motel efficiency, but I don't know if he's going to her house....I would hope he uses this time to really think. But who knows. And I know Plan B is about me...but it's just so hard just wondering what he's doing and if he's with her.

Oh by the way, I did have a great weekend. I hung out with a great friend who dealt with me from Friday until today. Made the weekend so much easier to handle.

BW 26 me
WH 29
Married 06-20-2003
Moved to this state 08-01-2004
Friendship between my WH and the OW began in 11-2004 then the A began I believe around 03-2005
DDay 09-17-2005
Plan A - didn't work...was still contacting the OW
Asked him to leave (Plan B) Wednesday, 01/11/2006

KDee -

You probably mentioned this before - is the OW married? If you said that he might be going to her house, she must not be.

I'm glad you are going to find Dr. Harley's book.

I had concerns like yours when I made my WH move out. He stayed in a hotel somewhere for 2 weeks at first & I kept thinking - great! Now he & OW can be together w/o me monitoring what WH is doing!

The more OW & WH are together, the more opportunity they have to LB each other and see that they can't meet each other's emotional needs. Their little fantasy world will begin to crumble.

Just look at Hurting's thread - the Affair has ended b/c they lovebusted each other SO much.

I'm glad you enjoyed your weekend! It's great to have friends like that!!!

Kim

No, the OW is not married. Yeah, i feel the same as you. I have no idea what hotel he is staying at...and that's prob better because i would want to drive there.

You are right. He has even said before that she has nothing to offer him. It's only a matter of time before it ends. He will see what a great wife I am, i just hope it's not too late for him.

I did read Hurting's thread...about 30 minutes ago...and that gave me some insight.

Maybe you can offer some advice. My H is not the type to just not call. I mean i DID tell him no contact and the day after he left, you know he sent me a text message saying "i miss you!" and i didn't respond. Then after that nothing else. I mean, this is what I want, but it doesn't make sense. Part of me thinks he's just moving on and has given up, then the other part of me says "well maybe he's respecting my decision not to talk to him until he meets the 3 criteria." Any advice?



BW 26 me
WH 29
Married 06-20-2003
Moved to this state 08-01-2004
Friendship between my WH and the OW began in 11-2004 then the A began I believe around 03-2005
DDay 09-17-2005
Plan A - didn't work...was still contacting the OW
Asked him to leave (Plan B) Wednesday, 01/11/2006

As I told you before, Plan B may take several months to work. I'm glad you are taking the anti-D's. They really help. I woke up on about day 20, and felt just fine.

Why does it take so long? I'm just supposed to stick around and hope he comes back? Bottom line. I have no family here, a few friends i have made. I don't like my job. I want to move closer to my parents (who are a 17 hour drive a way). I mean i can't handle it if Plan B was months and months. Marriage isn't supposed to be like that. That's like wasting time on someone who doesn't even want me, right?

Yep. I wasted 3 years on my WH. But I do know now that I did my best, and I have no regrets in divorcing him.

If you hate your job, and would rather live near your parents, and can support yourself, maybe you should just move back there. When he figures out what he lost, he will come after you.

It's amazing that you are on this site and actually encouraging marriages and giving advice. That is very honorable Believer. That takes a truly strong individual...

I have to do what is in my heart, and I know that. When the time comes that he is ready to talk, then I’ll see if he can meet my criteria, one of which is to transfer out of the state of FL, hopefully to TX.

You are right; he WILL realize what he has lost. Hopefully he realizes that sooner than later...

BW 26 me
WH 29
Married 06-20-2003
Moved to this state 08-01-2004
Friendship between my WH and the OW began in 11-2004 then the A began I believe around 03-2005
DDay 09-17-2005
Plan A - didn't work...was still contacting the OW
Asked him to leave (Plan B) Wednesday, 01/11/2006

I enjoy trying to help others, and let them know that life can be wonderful again, no matter how this stuff ends.

Thank you for that. I’m so young and going through so much. At times I believe if I did leave I would be miserable....but we have NO kids...NO bills...etc. so, would i really be that miserable? I have the rest of my life to live! I’m only 26. Yes, I hope and pray this works, but if it doesn't, it's okay. I have changed so much as an individual since this happened. Through counseling, I have learned what to fix about ME, so in the future, i do not attract another H like this.

BW 26 me
WH 29
Married 06-20-2003
Moved to this state 08-01-2004
Friendship between my WH and the OW began in 11-2004 then the A began I believe around 03-2005
DDay 09-17-2005
Plan A - didn't work...was still contacting the OW
Asked him to leave (Plan B) Wednesday, 01/11/2006

Okay...I have a question. I just talked to my H's step sis and she asked how i was doing and without even a little notice she said her husband talked to my H and apparently told him (my H) that he's an idiot. My H then told his brother in law "Man you don't understand, this is a disease." What the heck is that supposed to mean??? My H thinks that what he's going through is a disease??!?! i mean i know it's an addiction, but why would he say this? is he tryin to justify his actions.

I told my step sis "that's weird...oh well"...i didn't act too interested. But i'm just wondering, have you guys heard this before???

BW 26 me
WH 29
Married 06-20-2003
Moved to this state 08-01-2004
Friendship between my WH and the OW began in 11-2004 then the A began I believe around 03-2005
DDay 09-17-2005
Plan A - didn't work...was still contacting the OW
Asked him to leave (Plan B) Wednesday, 01/11/2006

Let's just hope that he IS respecting your request. That is what you want, right? That's the least he could do after he didn't "respect" you by having an A. It is painful to go through withdrawal from your H, but remember it is not your H that you are keeping away. It is the WH.



Exactly right!

Why does it take so long? I'm just supposed to stick around and hope he comes back? Bottom line. I have no family here, a few friends i have made. I don't like my job. I want to move closer to my parents (who are a 17 hour drive a way). I mean i can't handle it if Plan B was months and months. Marriage isn't supposed to be like that. That's like wasting time on someone who doesn't even want me, right? [/quote]

Again, he is your WH right now not your real H. This A has developed over a LONG period of time. Expecting results so quickly is a bit unrealistic in situations like this.

I have been so tempted to move also. My family does not live in this town and I have been offered a SUPER position in the family business with huge potential for me. I have one or two "close" friends. My sis is really my bestfriend and she lives two hours away. What I am trying to say is I made a decision to give this everything I could and following the MB plan. As tempting as it is to just up and go, I hope you will decide to stay and give this a bit longer.

It is all up to you though & everyone here will support you no matter what. This is such a trying sitch to be in. So hard, but through it all you can become stronger as you have already mentioned. Aren't you proud of the changes you have made so far?



and if he's not careful it'll kill him off! OW is the disease!

Kim

bump

thanks guys. My head feels like it is about to explode...Talk later...off to bed....long weekend! back to work in the a.m.

Good Night!!

Kim

i could just scream right now. you guys know i told my H to leave last wednesday. well, stupid me, i told myself i wasn't going to look at the phone bill or credit card bill online. and i DID look at the cell phone bill today. saw that he called her friday night (5 minute conversation). I was at work and i got sick and had to leave. So i'm at home now.

I just called my counselor and thank goodness she's gonna see me at noon. i just want to scream and cry! how can he keep doing this? ONe of my friends said "he might have called to break it off." yeah, right....i doubt that.

KDee,just a word of advice. Stop checking up on him and stop freaking yourself out. Remove yourself from this triangle; you are in Plan B now. The way this is going to crumble is when he hooks up again with the OW, with you gone, and quickly finds out that she can't/won't meet his needs. The more he is with her, the more he will realize this, so don't view this as bad thing.