I discovered over the Holidays that my h of 14 years is having an emotional affair with my next door neighbour and very good friend of 11 years. To say the least I am devistated. He is now out of the house. We are both seeing separate christian councelors. His suggests him coming home, mine suggests some time apart. I feel paralyzed. I don't know how to move forward yet I know we can't go back. I don't really want either option. I believed that we had a happy marriage with all the ups and downs of four young children and not enough time. Communication has always been strained with us because he just is too tired or to involved with movies. However, with the OW he seemed to have endless amounts of time and sleepless nights were not an issue. I am so shut down I haven't even been able to cry ( hard to imgine since I am usually very emotional). Where do I go from here? I am truely lost. I feel abandoned and thrown away. He is now saying he wants to work things out and has( as far as I know) cut off all contact with her. If I bring him home, she is right next door. It is in my face, and I can't get away from it. He betrayed me, but so did she. Help!!

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Sorry you had to come here, but it is a great place to be under the circumstances.

Read all of the articles and information here. It really helps. It is completely devastating when you first find out, but I promise that things do get better.

You might check out the emotional needs section article on the home page. It could be that some of his weren't being met.

If the other woman is married, you need to tell her husband.

The other thing is that for recovery to happen, they need to have no contact ever again for any reason. So you will probably need to move.

There are lots of folks here who have survived infidelity (even when it involved a friend) and went on to have a happy marriage.

You might want to post on the general questions board as there is more traffic there.

Also the MB program says that you can't work on the marriage when you are living apart. However, your case may be different since the problem is next door.

{{{{Hugs}}}}

I am going to agree with everything that believer has said. I do see though how your situation is difficult as the OW lives next door. I think there are questions you need to address with your fwh, namely is he still in contact with OW, and if he is willing to move? Both these answers can give you an insight into how willing he is to recover your marriage. I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. I can not even begin to imagine what it is like to have OW live next door. Former friend or not!

Consider yourself hugged,