I believe that since we are separated that he could do that - and I cannot do that as a mom...

Also - I feel like this may mean that we need to go limited or no contact... I feel if he needs to figure it out then he should... I don't have the energy to keep this up.

He is draining the ****** out of me...

OOOHHH - Now I am totally flaming mad over this arrogant email.. As if this is ALL MY FAULT that he "doesn't know where to go from here" Sc*ew him... I am mad - I am dying to say something - HELP!!

My goodness.....I swear my WH just said the same damn thing to me the other night practically verbatim. Its kind of eerie. I dont feel strong enough either Alison, but I put on a movie for the kids and go have a good cry and then wash my face and try to come back fighting. The support from all these great ppl here at MB has been amazing for me. I feel for you, I really understand the pain you are going through right now.

Take care of you and your DD, go give her a big hug and kiss, and just smile at her because that is one pair of eyes looking back at you loving you endlessly.

I would like to email this to him,

"Wow - this email from you makes it sound like we are here because of ME... I am NOT the only one of us who has put a strain on the marriage. I will accept my responsibility for my part and I will do what it takes to repair and mend that. But I ask the same of you and by this email I have learned that I probably won't get it. We have both made some huge mistakes and it is our duty to fix them. H - we are married, We made a commitment to each other and if we both give up, then what kind of people are we? What kind of role models are we for DD? I will tell DD some day why I have done what I have done and she will be very proud of her mother. Will she be proud of you when you tell her why you did what you did? "

Allison he is giving you so much sh$t and you are back to believing him., Stocking this is funny -like you have no right to go places he goes??Come on girl your smarter than that. Really. This is a free world. Just go for it and watch. He is mad now because other people from work want to join them out tonight. You did good -no romance tongiht. He is afraid to be seen alone with her now. He is the one that is scared.As he should be.

I just had a thought -others should jump in on this one. Does OW know just how often WH comes to your place? Maybe if she found out that you to were working on things and maybe things were looking good -it would give her pause. Maybe let someone in his office think Oh things are looking so good. It is so nice to see him so often. He is so wonderful and sweet. You know ? Maybe I am all wrong but would this throw a monkey wrnech in their R ?

Alison - I can see why your husband is so good in sales. What a complete piece of BS. He is the one who did this, and now he wants to play victim.

I know - I am fumming over that arrogant email... What an idiot. I have lost so much respect for him... For myself I must let him go. I have not given up on saving the marriage, but I am going to have to give him some time and me some time to truly figure out what I do want - and if that does include him...

Allison why don't you tell him he needs to make appointmetn to see DD. You always make things so easy for him. I would start going out with DD. Even to just walk around the malls and look at things. Just get out. Don't always be so available.

You are absolutely right, Realtor*. i have always made things to easy for him, but he gets so darn mad at me telling me that I am trying to take his DD away from him...

I NEED to stay strong and tell him this is when you can see DD and if you miss that, then you will ahve to wait for another day...

This is where I need the MOST support and guidance - I must stay strong and I continually back down from him...

For instance - his Brother (Army - coming home from Iraq on feb 5th)is coming up here and my H wants him to spend the night here with H & me and DD like everything is fine and like my H doesn't have an apartment and has left his wife and daughter.

H asked me not to cause a scene in front of his brother or his parents. I have never caused a scene, I have only stated the truth...

How should i handle that one??

Allison,

Here's the invisible type between the words:


I am about to blame YOU for MY actions. Brace yourself.

I'm struggling between my knowledge of right and wrong and my A. [/quote]

You're not acting like I want and need you to for me to continue my affair in peace.


Stop making me feel like a scumbag for cheating on my wife. I liked it better when no one knew and I could still hold my head up high in public.


Stop making me feel like a scumbag for cheating on my wife. I liked it better when no one knew and I could still hold my head up high in public.

Oh, wait, I already said that didn't I <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Oh well. Still holds true.


You'd better stop making my affair difficult to continue because that's hurting our chances of working on our marriage. Be a good girl, sit back and let me have both of you for as long as I want to and then our marriage can get back on track.


Let me do what I want cause sleeping around helps me figure out what I feel and want.


Please give me your permission... it would make this easier on me.


(FIM personal note: this one was 'hard' to not go downhill with and I want points for not taking the obvious set up with it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> )

Once I sleep with OW a lot I'll have a better perspective on how to handle our marriage. Just be patient while I do it, OKAY?


Here's a bone for you. It seemed like a good place to add it.


While I figure things out, please leave me and Traci alone while letting me come and go as I please. Thank you.

Hon, we've all got this same crap. You'll get more of it too. Just read between the lines. My 9 year old tries the same ploys.

Oh. And about the visiting brother and playing happy house. NO WAY!

He's ashamed of what he is doing. Good. That's to your advantage. Make him live it in the daylight and see how pretty being an adulterer makes his affair seem. THAT is what the power of exposure does. It shines the light on the ugliness of it and shows what it really is. It's the lighthouse that saves the boat from the fog encased dangers of the sea. Be the lighthouse. Shine that light for all to see <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

FIM

Alison,
please call the Harley's. It is not that expensive. It will be well worth the money.

You have not made it clear at anytime that your counselor is pro marriage.

I think your marriage is worth the investment in the Harleys.

FIM - You nailed it.

I wholeheartedly agree with that! SH is a great resource.

I can just about guarantee you will feel better and come away more determined to save your marriage.

I'll ask you like I asked you earlier today...

Do want to hand your H over to her on a silver platter OR do you want to fight for what is yours?

Ok - funny. remember I said my H always uses the same guy to "go out with" when he is really meeting TRaci. well, the Happy Hour is cancelled and he is going out with the same guy...

Then he tells me that Traci's H said - "oh - your going out with OM for a happy hour - watch you back." Traci said - "what your having us followed" OWH said, "Nope, not me"

I said to my H, "So now you are going to believe whatever Traci says to you... I have lied to you once in our marriage, and now you are believing her over me... Okay..."

So he proceedes to say, "maybe I will just ask Traci to have a few drinks with me tonight..."

I simply just am so frusterated that I cannot just let him do this to me and to our DD. He is acting like a doofus and I just can't handle it...

You can so HANDLE THIS...

YOU ARE NO WEAKER THAN ANYONE ELSE.....

YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER NEED YOUR HUSBAND...

DON'T LET ANOTHER WOMAN TAKE HIM...

The really SAD thing is that you COULD be doing something about this. However, you seem to be more interested in making sure the drama is prolonged and that this continues to go downhill. Instead you just complain about it instead of DOING something about it Alison.

Have you contaced the Harleys?
Why aren't you exposing to STOP the affair?

Why are you just sitting here complaining. I could understand it if you were also DOING. I don't see much of that.

Not trying to be mean but it doesn't make much sense to me or to some others. We certainly want the rollercoaster to stop for you but you have to HELP. So far you've only picked through the advice for the easy or comfortable stuff. Anything that takes you out of your comfort zone you've waived off.

Not sure what the real issue is here. Can you help me understand?

We want you to get with your girlfriend and find him...

You will not be charged with stalking by finding out where he is...

THAT'S RIDICULOUS!!!

You said that you cannot let him do this...

YOU CAN NOT CONTROL HIM!!

BUT YOU CAN BE IN CHARGE OF YOURSELF!!

LET THE OW AND HIM KNOW THAT YOU WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THIS...

BE CUNNING AND MESS UP THEIR NIGHT OF FUN!!!