Hi everyone. I have some questions about child custody. Currently we have a sep agreement where we share joint and h has kids "at such times and under such circumstances that we BOTH agree"... anway, this may get long, bare with me. As soon as he returns from Iraq (he leaves monday halleluah! will be back end of april or so) I plan to have him served to appear in family court as I petition for sole physical custody.

Last tuesday night was the last straw. wh sent me some texts saying he HAD TO TALK TO ME and that it CONCERNED THE KIDS. Well, after our explosive weekend where the kids were totally disregarded and not even invited by him to go to his family farewell ceremony given by the military (family send off thing) he brought ow, I really did not want to talk to him. Told him I wanted to talk over the phone. He said no. Bottom line is he wanted a confrontation. It was all over a misunderstanding concerning the mortgage. I sent kids in the house and we talked on the porch. As we were talking I noticed wh is actually wearing a silver type wedding band on his ring finger that says I love you on it! like so tacky and so 9th grade. I busted out laughing which made him mad which made me laugh even harder. I said oh how sweet. Then I said it would be nice if he was actually seeking a divorce before he wore a ring on that finger but hey whatever and kept laughing. anyhoo, told him I was not going to argue with him and conversation was over. I went into house but he blocked my screen door. He kicked open my main door, grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved me up against the wall. He than got all up in my face and swore a string of obscenities all in front of my kids. I told him to stop and to leave, that he was scaring the kids. He said he was not but they said he was. I called the police. Long story short, he was told to leave, and an incident was written up. I would have had him arrested but his orders for Iraq would have been pulled immediately and I WANT HIS A** OUTA HERE TO IRAQ FOR THE NEXT 4 OR 5 MONTHS. He has lost his mind.

I have our whole history together documented, how he has been very degrading to the children, and other incidents. Since July he has threatened violence on me on 2 other documented occassions. This time he did it. I am getting all of my ducks in a row for when he gets back. He has NOTHING on me at all. I have done nothing he can hold against me or use against me. I am using this incident and my documentation to petition for sole custody.

any one with any experience in this? I have talked to my attorney about it and will more closely to the time of wh's return. I am in NY state. Anyone out there won sole physical custody? I think wh is in no state to be able to make joint decisions for our children. I will let him see them but under MY conditions.

any input???? mlhb

bump

mlhb,

I don't have any experience in this sort of thing so I have no advice to give you. Just wanted to show support and say I'm sorry you are in this situation and that your children were witness to the incident.

Good luck.
S.

I don't realy have any experience either, but was wondering if you could move ahead with the lawyer and have the court date scheduled for as soon as he gets home.

First and foremost, The next time he physically "gets all up in your face" you need to call the police. There is no better documentation than a police report!

Second, custody standards differ depending upon the state that you reside. With custody also comes child support. Keep a journal of the madness, seek legal help (if you can;t afford it check government assistance)and go to family court.

Clearly the man has his priorities messed up. Some folks never get it. EVER.

I did call the police and there is a report on this incident. He got physical and got all up in my face the same night. I do have an attorney and they are aware of what happened. I am planning to petition the courts for sole physical custody as soon as he gets back.... I was hoping someone could help me out, after reading my first post, and let me know what they think my chances are of getting sole custody. I do get child support now. I feel I would either get the custody or I would get temporary sole custody until wh makes some changes, i.e. appropriate living sitch, anger mangagement, etc... and proves to the courts that he can get his priorities straight. With tax return time coming I should have the money to do all of this..... mlhb oh, and thank you all for the support. It has been just and awful week here. He leaves for Iraq tomorrow and I will not feel safe and "stress free" until I know he is gone.

just bumping.... no one dealt with this?? anyone got sole cutody??? mlhb

I have sole custody and my ex tried to take it away from me and failed. My H has joint cust. but his wife moved to a different town and the kids went with her and now she is their custodial parent with children coming every weekend and half holidays and he pays her child support.

and how did you get sole custody???? mlhb

I got it when we were married realy. I was a stay at home mother. He never was a very involved father. I was working on my degree, almost ready to graduate when we seperated. When I filed for D, I forced him to move out and start making child support payments. I had custody. I got legal custody. The military doesn't realy support single parants having custody to their children does it. He will be gone. He will be required to move when they tell him to. You will be the one with custody. Ask the lawyer what advantages you have over your H. If there have been any acts of violence that will help you.

I believe I have MANY advantages over my wh. He has done some very stupid things involving the children and I have documented them all. While he is gone the next 4 months I plan to compile and organize it all. There was also one incident of violence and lots of verbal stuff in front of them. I just wanted to know because it is going to cost some bucks for me to petition the courts for sole custody. 700.00 I think just to have my attorney draw up the paperwork! A lot of money if there is ANY chance I could lose.... mlhb