Here's one of my beefs about online dating.

Many women post photos of their cats.

Why?

I don't want to date the cat.

Hey, I've seen photos of guy's dogs, too! I'm not dating, but I'm looking <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />..l

That's......ODD.I would never do that.I love my own dog and she is definitely part of our family but to post a pic on a dating site is just plain weird.The first thing that came to mind is red flag.I am not sure why but it just came to me.I have to think about that.

Cats don't do anything anyway.They just lounge around,expecting service and putting their claws into people and things.LOL Dogs are so much more fun (just teasing ya'll!). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

O

I can't tell you how many pictures I've see of guys with fish. What's up with that?

So is it JUST a pic of the cat or a pic w/ the cat in it?Can't blame ya there Justin!

I've perused some of the online sites (in the spirit of research--curius as to what's "out there" in my particular demographic <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) and some of the pics crack me up! The ones that make me cringe are the guys who post pics of themselves w/ no shirts on! Cheesy w/ a capital CHEESE!

DW

If the cat is on there, it's probably important to the person. In which case, that probably wouldn't make a good match for you.

I have a picture with my dog and myself, but it's not my main picture. And my dog is an important part of my life. I won't put pictures with my sons or family on site. I don't want just "anybody" seeing them. I had a client a number of years ago who threatened myself and "your children if you ever have any", when she didn't like a limit I set. I decided then that I would never put family photos in my office.

Bared chested men? GAG!!!! While I enjoy the male physique, I'm uncomfortable having it be on the site as a main photo. Too suggestive for me.

Guys with fish..I understand. That was about the only way you could get a photo of my first husband! It was his favorite pasttime/hobby. You might as well know it up front!

The ones I don't get......the photos that have adult females in them along with the guy, or a baby when they have "No Children" listed. And....there's no explanation of their role in the man's life. Sister? Ex? Mom? Co-worker? Nephew? Or..the ones where it was obvious that it was a "couples" photo, with the ex now cut off/out!

Yeah, the photos with other women with the guys arm around them. DUH! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

A good point about the fish! If it's a BIG part of their life it's good to know up front. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

One picture I saw the guy had cut out his ex & said something like looking to fill this spot with a woman who...he went on to list tons of dislikes, no cheaters, druggies, boozers... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />IMO he needs more time on his own.

Good point. I think some people are trying to share something about themselves. The danger is it might look odd to others, or be a red flag of obsession or something. Another weird one is guys and their motorcycles. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I had one of me and my car!

Must love cars...

Too funny! I was considering posting a pic of my puppy! But he's been a HUGE blessing to me since I've got him and I think I'm in love with him! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> Plus, everyone loves puppies (if they don't-why?!) and I thought maybe it would break the ice a bit. But I have a cat and never considered it. (unless it was the one of the puppy gnawing on the cat! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)
So, JE, you think no on the pup pic?

I'd be a little more worried if she had like 8 cats up there, but maybe she's just an animal lover and that's an important part of her life...?

Some of the pics of guys I've seen I wonder why they didn't bother to clean up a bit... I mean who are they looking for with the wife beater and ball cap? On the other hand, I love motorcycles and if a guy has one we automatically have something in common - I think people are doing the best to convey who they are with what they have.

Put me at the top of their list!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

In my online profile, I posted a picture of myself with (just a few of) my many books. This was a deliberate attempt to show that reading and intellectual pursuits are important to me.

It didn't occur to me to pose with my motorcycle.

But perhaps if I had posed with my motorcycle, it would have generated more interest... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

On the cat thing, that puzzled me too. And definitely served to reduce my interest.

Just make sure you have these prospective love interests (with cars, cats, dogs, fish, guns, etc) fill out the Recreational Companionship Inventory and Emotional Needs Questionnaire (is RC on top?) before you go out with them! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Mrs. W8ing

Interesting comment that you guys don't want to date a woman with cats. My best friend is gorgeous, never married, no kids, well travelled and is a veterinarian. She signed up on a dating site and posted, among others, a photo of her with one of her cats. She got NO decent replies. I was STUNNED. I can't help but wonder if it was "the cat thing". Then again, she loves animals. If the men don't then she doesn't want them.


Mrs. W8ing

Although I am not fond of cats (nor terribly fond of dogs either), I would not reject "a woman with cats" just for that reason. The problem is, I know too many people who think of their pets as surrogate children, and I suspect anyone who puts up a photo of her pet - especially if it is a photo of just her pet instead of a photo of the woman with her pet - of falling into that category.

This is important to me because I want a relationship with a woman who makes it a priority to invest in other people's lives. In my experience, having a pet at home which demands attention is a conflicting priority.

I think it's different if a woman has children as well as pets. The kids are already a limiting factor to one's social flexibility, and I think the interactions between children and pets can create salutary learning opportunities. (A caveat here: I did not have pets when I was growing up, so my opinion is based solely on observation and reflection.)

I can understand why someone who is basically stuck at home would want a companion, but in my age group it is rare for anyone to be truly stuck at home.

So if I suspect that a woman is using a pet as a less-demanding substitute for her affections than children, or as a less-than-social remedy for loneliness, then I am disinclined to be interested.

Who knows what it really was. In my three-month online experiment, I got zero decent replies myself - and it wasn't for lack of sending personalized e-mails. Nor did it have anything to do with cats, I think.

I've given up trying to figure it out.

If I see a picture with a motorcycle, I veto them.

GDP!
I'm shocked by your post! Normally I find your posts and thoughts right on line with mine, so it took me by surprise.
Now, I don't mean this negative AT ALL, but, consider this-
I had two brother cats for 19 years. One is still alive and the other died a year ago. It broke my heart. My little puppy has contributed much happiness to my life (I have no kids), and I laugh at him every day and he's always happy, always thrilled to see me, and his love is unconditional-not like a human at all! If you have missed out on that, that would make me sad for you! These creatures are blessings to our lives (possibly more for women than men?). I can have a bad day and my pup somehow knows and comforts me. He fills a big place in my heart. I hope you can know that kind of love!
In fact, I told my puppy just the other day that if I met a man that didn't like him then that man has no place in my life. (we have deep conversations all the time)
He replies with his usual "roof", because he thinks I'm asking what I should put on top of the house. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
ANYWAY, maybe understand (you too, JE) that to me, my pet is a joy and although I do understand he IS just a dog, he's got an important place in my heart and life!
So, I guess I'm saying that just like if I had a kid, a man would have to accept me and my pet(s) as a package deal.
So maybe THAT'S why the pics are up on the dating sites...

Exactly, Drita.

That's as it should be, I think. It only makes sense to reveal what is important to us, and if a prospective partner has a problem with that, then an incompatibility has been discovered. It's better to discover this earlier than later. Pets are a significant lifestyle factor. That's not a value judgement, it's merely an observation. And of course, just how significant a factor pets are can vary.

For example, although I would not rule out a prospective partner just because she had, say, a cat or two, I certainly would not be a good match for a woman who could not be happy without maintaining a full menagerie of animals. And I would seriously question the wisdom of match with a woman who would insist on allowing the family dog to sleep on our bed.

For me, having a pet is not a "red flag" per se. But it does raise questions in my mind about the likelihood of our compatibility. I was just trying to show what kind of concerns can be raised by using what comes to my mind as an example. My point is that if you're going to post a picture of your cat, it had better be important to you, or people are likely to get the wrong idea. If you're trying to attract the broadest range of attention, it is better not to reveal something which is at considerable risk of being misinterpreted, or which might set off warning alarms.

Again, I am not trying to make an absolute value judgement. I am making a compatibility judgement. Heck, I know people whose preferred lifestyle is to go home every night and relax with their spouse. If that's what they both want, then more power to them. Similarly, if both of them like to go out on the town every chance they get, I see no problem. Or if both like to invite friends over for dinner a couple of times a week, great!. All of these preferences reflect personal values which are neither "right" nor "wrong."

But a relationship works best when both are on the same page, whatever that page happens to be.

I haven't been on any date sites myself, so take my opinion here w/ a grain of salt, but I have to admit, I'm very judgemental of the pics I've seen w/ the guys w/ their shirts off, or wife-beater t's....it's like they are trying so hard to impress on looks alone. I mean, if you gotta try that hard?? What it's makes them look is vain. I realize that we all start off w/ a physical attraction to a person, hence why people post pics, but I think there is a way to go about it.

I think motorcycles are cool, I ADORE my 2 dogs (am a HUGE pet lover), but I guess what it boils down for me is that it looks cheesy. That may sound shallow, but I'd just rather see a few pics of just the guy himself, w/o all the "props". Put your interests or passions in your profile. Isn't that what it's there for?

W8ing, has your friend tried posting pics w/o her cats in it? Would be a curious experiment to see if she got any better responses.