Hi everyone,

WH is on his way to home country for two months vacation. WH's sister have no idea he was coming. But I left messages to them to tell WH to call me back. So I called OW cellphone. It sounds like she was at the airport waiting for WH. She pretended that she can't hear me but I proceeded to say that I know she hears me, and that I just wanted her to tell WH to call me when he gets there.

Actually, I called their home number initially for two times the person on the other line says that I got the wrong number. Then when I called back after I spoke with OW the phone is can not be reached temporarily.

Anyway, my purpose of calling is just to let them know that I am aware that they still have contact though husband says NC since October.

I just feel bad. And I was raging inside that I decided to call OW.

Maybe wrong... I don't know... in few minutes WH & OW will be in each other's arms. With two ocs from the 8 year affair which I just happened to know Jan 05. In Aug 05, WH kept pleading for reconciliation until he left for this vacation. I can't agree to take him back without the necessary changes. We argue and he took this as reason to come back to OW.

We have been separated for five years already. During the separation,I also had a brief PA which I'll regret forever. So forgiveness won't be hard for me to give for I have sinned also. But WH has his sexual needs that he needs to be fulfilled- which I am not ready yet. I am not even sure if I want him back... but I do gave ourselves a chance to reconnect since August 05 though I am hurting inside since I just found out then.

Now what will I do if ever he calls back?

Thanks for listening.

Note: Edited to change the title.

I hope someone can say something... I really feel bad right now... that I can't think properly... knowing what's going on in the other side...

Well, I would for sure go into Plan B. Are you able to do that? Can you survive financially on your own?

I need your comments ro any suggestions.
Thanks...

Believer,

Thank you for your reply. I noticed, you're always the first to reply in every new post. Thank you...

We have been separated for the last five years. My daughter is with me- with occassional support from WH. Yes, with God's help, we survived.

Believer, what hurts me right now is WH's decision to go back to OW just because of SF. It's been his reason for staying with OW during our separation. He asked me if he can come to daughter & me (we lived in differest states) and I said yes. But he is demanding SF which I told him honestly that there is no chance right now for me to give it to him. But at least we can reconnect in some other ways...

I feel bad because I know in my heart that I gave him the chance... I gave ourselves a chance... and then this is what happened.

Someone

Whoa, back up. What is the reason for no SF? Is it because he is cheating? If so, that makes sense.

But if it was because you couldn't forgive him from before, how long has that been going on?

Of course, he needs to be tested for STD's beforehand.

The affair is going on for almost 8 years already. I knew about it only last year. We are separated for about five years already.

I will wait for his call- if ever he will call- then we will talk once and for all.

Thanks.

this A was going on for 8 yrs? Why have you been sperated for 5 yrs?

Hi someone,

I am sorry about your situation.

What is it you want? This mess has been going on for some time.You say you only found out about the A last year but you have been separated for 5 and your WH has 2 OC's with the OW.Has he been living with her all that time? YUK.

I'm sorry sot,I know I will not have any supportive advice for your marriage given what you told us but I do send support to YOU and STRENGTH to find what you need to be happy.

O

yes, the affair is 8 years already; three years while we are still together and it continued during our five year separation. It's a long distnace affair, WH see OW and OCs during vacation from overseas work.

Yes, this mess has going on for a long time already. I decided to gave him a chance for reconciliation becasue I felt it was the right thing to do. Considering both of us made mistake. I am guilty also of my brief PA during separation. I also want to make up with God and WH. But I think I was wrong.

Yes, they literally live together though WH see them only two months in a year due to overseas work. WH bought them house & lot already and put up some savings for the OCs. WH claims that he has more than enough savings for my daughter and me to start with just in case we will reconcile.

Thanks for your support to me and for the encouragement.

Someone

You need to get IC and get a support system in place. Do you have any family close by? Do you have good friends? Do you work outside the home and if so, who helps care for any children?

You have to focus solely on yourself for now. You have become the OW in his relationship. IMHO I would strongly suggest a powerful plan b with the intent to build an independent life. There is so much more to look foward to. Build yourself a happy life and take the focus off of him making your life happy.

Seriously consider a very good plan b. Please work on self improvement so that you can become the strong person that is burried inside of you. Depend on yourself with the support of family and frinds and keep no contact with him. He knows how to reach you. This has been going on too long.

You are not alone here.

Thank you New Jersey.

Yes, after calling his sisters and OW to tell WH to call me as soon as he gets home is enough notice. I will just wait for his call- if he will still call.

Thanks for your help. Maybe tomorrow, I will feel much better. I just can't take off the image in my head what going on right now with both of them...

Again... thank you.

I spoke with WH for several times since last month. He decided to went back to OW because he felt rejected by me and hurt by my LBs and DJs. I admit that I did LBs and made DJs, but I feel he should not go back to OW now that I am aware of the A already. He knows I am hurting and would like to come back here. But, he is half the world away he is asking for another month to at least spend more time with relatives and friends back there (and of course with OW and OCs).

He still insists reconciliation. He has been asking for it since first day of separation. Esp when I found out about the A. Should I take him back, he will leave OW and OCs and maintain NC to OW and CS to OCs ages 7 and 4. And will never go back there without me and our daughter.

Though we were separated for almost five years already, we communicate regularly by phone and see each other once a week when he picks up daughter from school and drop her home. But maybe because of his long distance affair and my own brief PA that ended three years ago- the separation continues till this day.

We both forgive each other for our transgression- I just want him to stop his A and NC w/ OW if ever we will reconcile. We talked about reconciliation all the time. Though, I am reluctant, but is now more open to it than the past years. I don't know... but knowing about the OW who was my friend and favorite staff way back- it was a shock at first. But I understand that- the exOM in my part is almost a family.

I don't know if we willhave a successful reconciliation if ever. He really wanted to make our marriage back to work. To make things right with God and with each other. I don't know- is there any similar case here?

I don't know- my decision changes every minute- one minute I am considering reconciliation, another minute I am considering to stay separated... I don't know...

Thank you for listening...

~someone~

From reading your post, do you really feel you are in a position to be making any life changing decisions?

Work on you so that your mind and heart can get in sync. Then if and only if you want to give him another chance, let him work on regaining your trust. When you are done with a good plan A, you will learn that your changes are t/b permanent.

Expect the WS to question your loyalty and your improvements. When he does, question his. Then let your improvements show by your actions. There will be little for you to say because your actions will identify your boundaries.

L.

Thank you, Orchid.

Honestly, I feel that I am now in the position to make a life-changing decision whether to reconcile or not. Actually, it's been long overdue. Even last year that I found out of his A- I did not ask him to come back. I know I somehow enable the A to last for another year.

It's been five years of separation. No legal separation or divorce was filed at all. I nitiated it several times but husband is firm not to sign anything as he really hope for reconciliation not the to end the marriage.

But at the same time he keeps the OW and had 2 OCs in the process. Instead of working on the M. I was telling him if the time and money invested to OW was invested to our M- maybe it's been easier for us to reconcile. Though I understand he has needs to be met and doesn't want to be old and alone. WH is 55 now, I am 41 and OW is 40. Though, he claims that he never lose his hope and love for me and our adopted daughter.

Yes, we had problem conceiving for 10 years of marriage before separation. Doctors could not figure out the exact problem with us. Maybe that is one factor contributing to our As.

He is willing to do everything to regain my trust. Since Sep he started to forward his phone bills to me. When he gets back to work on March he intend to show full income and bank statement. These were witheld from me before we separated and has been the cause of major arguments. So he really thought it is a big point to regain my trust.

Right now we are living in different state. He is willing to come here and find a job and to stay with us permanently should we reconcile.

I pray that God will guide us in our decision-making. Do you think reconciliation will still be successful after five years of separation and 2 OCS?

Thank you...

~someone~

By the way, WH told me that he is under medical observation and medication for 30 days. It just found out that he has high blood sugar count. Possible diabetic condition, maybe as side effect of high blood pressure.

I am worried about him. Is it possible that you have tested with high blood sugar count but not diabetic yet? Sorry for my ignorance...

~someone~