" I will tell you that "sacrificing" your life is neither nobel or loving. "

Well .... I wonder about that.

In some cases, I think it might be considered noble and loving.

I see elderly people taking care of their chronically ill spouses year after year ... and I admire them .... what's wrong with that?

That's why I put the word "sacrificing" in quotes. It has to do with the attitude one takes toward the relationship. If one sacrifices themselves BEGRUDGINGLY then they shortchange themselves AND their family. When their attitude is such that the one who is being served is being served poorly, then it is no longer noble.

Yet, if I offer my service to my spouse out of genuine love and respect, do I truly see it as a "sacrifice"? If you asked those who are working from love, most wouldn't see it that way.

Let's say I take in my elderly parent out of a sense of duty. If my cold heart prevents me from caring for them they way they deserve, would it not make sense to give my siblings a chance to do better? But, if I serve them out of love, joy and appreciation, then I know they will find no better care.

A man who feels trapped and serves his wife and children out of nothing more than a sense of duty is a poor husband and father. If he's not willing to step up to the plate, then he should at least let them go so they can find better.

Low

anyway

I just wanted to say
"Hi"

to you

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hi! Hope things are going well with you.

Things are very good, thanks.

I don't like ageing very much, but what am I gonna do about that ???

howzU ?

Things are progressing. Still feel kind of numb about it all. Just day to day at this point. No big revelations, no big changes to plans.

Sometime the loneliness is a lot. There's a huge temptation to try a fill the "void", but I've been able to not give in so far. I know I'd be trying to fill it for all the wrong reasons at this point.

Rebuilding a differentiated identity is easier said than done.

Low

Low,

it's good to hear from you! Just yesterday I searched the other forums to see how you are doing.And didn't find you.

I've never posted to you but have read your story.

Things will get better, they have to.

Well Low

I am thinking good thought for you ... hoping you differentiate peacefully ... hahahaha <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

be gentle with yourself

Do you see/speak with mrs Low at all?

And how are your kids?