But who is she talking to about all of this, TA? She IS including him! This is his chance to make himself a part of it.

She could have just as easily never said a word if she REALLY wanted him out of the loop...but I don't think she does.

This isn't some fantasy apparently. She already had a guy picked out and he's sent a pic of his dik to her. So, you ask "Can she do it without her H getting scared and running away?"

If you think vows and fantasies have equal merit then I am wasting my time typing here.

See, imo there's a difference between "fantasizing" about two women and having two women sending crotch shots to your phone while you're ready and willing and you're talking to them and telling your wife you want to sleep with them. Is that any kind of fantasy YOU want to play?

How about this "fantasy":




Look, I still can see where you're trying to lead here, but I really think you should reread his post first before you refer to him as a stick in the mud. Wow. Then you go so far as to call him selfish.

Low...Tommy said she's bipolar! Manic-depressive is what he called it. That illness HAS to be medicated. It's a terrible illness. My best friend has it. She has done more personal work on herself than I will do in a lifetime and yet she could not overcome being bipolar with therapy. She is now on meds and truly had no choice.

Tommy is describing a pretty classic manic stage. During that stage a person is highly sexual.

Still

Why do I think Tommy's wife is having an A? His story about her fits almost perfectly with Dr. Harley's description of how A's get started. I think the scenario is mentioned in one of the Q&A Columns on this site:



The guy at work is decribed as a "good friend". Tommy is already suspicious of this person..in his gut. She "trusts" this person. Why should it "freak" her out to think that her H would be the last person she has sex with? Unfortunately, I think Eve has sampled the forbidden fruit...Too young for a midlife crisis...



Like I said, Eve has sampled the forbidden fruit and felt the "newness" again..THE FEELING OF THE AFFAIR ADDICTION..THE AFFAIR DRUG...



This is meant to be a reminder, IMO..of their time together..OK, if not a physical affair..THIS IS MOST DEFINITELY AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR..a definite boundary has been crossed here...



Good PLAN A info. for you Tommy. Are you giving your wife ATTENTION..ADMIRATION is the EMOTIONAL NEED here..she needs this more than a NEW CAR...saying this LOUD AND CLEAR!!!




[color:"red"]RED FLAG [/color] to continue the A...This is standard WS SCRIPT....

Is she taking her medication?



Independent Behavior is a major lovebuster, Tommy. It is not OK in a marriage. A lot of what she is saying to you, IMO, is part of the standard WS to justify continuation of an A and to end a marriage.

Make sure that she is not having an affair. I hope and pray that I am dead wrong.

THEN PLAN A....if this is confirmed by your investigations.

Thank you to everyone whom have taken the time out of thier day to read and think aobut my probelm...

I do value all your opinions and i will read and re-read each one.

I do think that she probably wants me to "play" with her in her "game". Maybe she didn't have the affair? Maybe just talking about it "turn her on". I don't know.
I do know that I have never thought of it that way. Maybe she wants to have fun... maybe she wants me to be driving the Cooper rather than shooting the idea down. Again... I don't know. But it's worth a try at this point.
My little girl's family and happiness is worth it to me. She is my world and my life.

Let me bring everyone to speed...

My wife called me up at work today and asked me to lunch. I picked her up at her office and we went to have Thai food. (her choice) She started talking about the Cooper and how much she wanted it. I acted very intrested and even told her that I already spoke to our bank and the dealer to work the numbers. She was excited.

The entire time during our lunch we talked of nothing but that. At which she kept reaching to hold me hand, put my hand against her face, and even a few passiont kisses.

Needless to say... This was a good lunch for me.

One thing i think I can see is this... If she's wanted to leave or have an affair, she would have done it. Maybe she had the affair and feels guilty? Maybe... she's just trying to feel not so trapped in a marriage.

Whatever the full TRUTH is... I don't think I'll ever know. I could just give her myself being "excited" about the spontaneaity of trying a new car, or something different.

I did ask her this a few days ago...." you tell me now 100% truthfull, have you had an affai?" She responeded by saying no. And that she even wants US to remain faithfull to eachother.

So I guess I've gone this far... maybe I'll see what this brings in the next couple of weeks.

Just so I know in my heart that I tried everything to save our marriage.

She's including him only as an observer, not as a potential participant. There's no suggestion in her words that he should act to satisfy himself in any way, or get involved in her fantasies or activities, is there? This suggests to me that she is 'involving' him in order to get gratification from his reaction; she is using him essentially for emotional masturbation.

I think Stillwed is on the mark here.

TA

I’m a man. As such I am supposed to be uncouth and rather simple. Enjoy the coarse things in life. Still... I would never see any humor in sending anybody (male or female) a picture of “little Bigger”. As a matter of fact if a work colleague (male or female) did send me such a picture I would cry harassment. I would at the least see to it that the person got a serious talking to.

I encourage you to monitor your wife better. A good trick is to place a voice activated recorder in her car and pick up her phone conversations.

Tommy, she's happy and excited because you're meeting her financial need and giving her an expensive present. There's at least a possibility she's getting other needs met by another man. Don't you think you need to know one way or the other?

Also, you said "Maybe she didn't have the affair?" Past tense? You think this may have already happened? I got the idea her suggestion the two of you open up your marriage was a question for the future.

Her suggestion sounds like a bad story on an erotic story website, btw. Very strange.

I don't know what to think Longhorn...

I think that i'm just numb. I don't want to feel or hurt anymore. i just want peace. but i also want my family.

What about the guy friend that sent the picture?

Shouldn't there be some talk about not having a friendship with him any longer?

I'm not understanding why this is not at least being viewed as an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR?

You want your family back? Then get angry, Tommy. Get mad at this cabron who is trying to take your family from you. Make the anger work for you. Don't get violent, but do something or your family will be gone forever. If you have enough money to buy your wife a new car, you can afford a private investigator to work for you to verify your suspicions or assure you there is nothing to them. Be proactive, Tommy. There's nothing on God's green earth that is going to get better if you sit around and just hope it will go away. Get tough, man.

Personally I'd call his or her office, talk to HR and indicate what he sent her. Send a picture or a copy if proof is needed. Let HR handle it from there.

I think I'd get her cell and take it to HR, if he sent it when he was supposed to be at work that might cause quite a stir.

I think what I'm going to do is just let her do what she wants. I have been told that when anyone is going through a mid-life crisis, nothing can change thier mind.

However, I don't have to loose my family...

When my wife wnats to be "out", then i can take my daughter out for a "family" outing. Take her to the movies, have pictures taken, take her to grandma's (my mom)... stuff like that.

Show her that SHE is loosing the family. The family can still be my daughter and I. And I do have my Mom, Dad, and sister.

I have been told by a women (co-worker) that by doing this, she will see that her family doesn't "need" her and that she will start to miss it. That by NOT telling her where the "family" is going she will start to wonder and want to be part of the family. Cause right now, when she goes out and stuff, she knows I'm home.