my WH said his "goodbyes" in person with OW (EA for 3 yrs...we've been together 11, married 8). don't want to encourage a letter as i know she will respond. she's disregarded the "no contact" request several times and in the last meeting she was crying and asking him why i could not forgive her and us "all just be friends". she and I have never been friends.

i don't feel good about the way they said goodbye, but don't want further contact, period. anyone been here?

I'm definitely no expert here, and maybe shouldn't reply; however, I had an A with my neighbour, who's wife really was a friend. When it ended I felt, and feel, like the most horrible person on earth. Guilt is a terrible thing, although I don't even begin to compare it to what you (and she) must be going through. At first I wanted to just go on as we had been before it all started, and to put the whole nightmare behind us. Especially in the beginning I didn't comprehend the magnitude of the whole thing. She and I actually sat down together for several hours one night and talked about it, and were very civil and actually friendly with one another by the end of the conversation. Now, 5 months after it happened, we're avoiding each other when possible, and I run for it if I see HIM. All the advice I'm getting here is that no contact is really important (difficult for us because of the living arrangements!). I realize that we'll never be friends again, although it makes me cry just to write this. Eventually I'm sure she'll get it, especially if you and your husband are adament about NC. He shouldn't talk to her at all. Don't know about the letter.... we didn't ever do that. Without any discussion we just all stay apart (and I'm sure the OM looks carefully before he crosses the street; my H is NOT over it!!).

I can't imagine how hard it must be when the situation is with neighbors that you have to see all the time. I'm pretty confident OW doesn't want to be friends with me, I actually tried to be nice to her when I thought she was just his "friend", but she was always nervous around me and not responsive which tipped me off that they were more than just friends. I think she just can't bear the thought of being away from him. If she really cared about my feelings i don't think she would have violated his NC request 3 times including a drunken visit to my house one night at 2am. She woke up my kids, upset them horribly, and would not leave until we called the police to remove her. It's hard for me to even understand how he could have chosen someone like her as a friend.

I just have a feeling we haven't heard the last of her so maybe we will get the opportunity for the letter next time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />