Ugh! FWS and I had a talk last night about when it all started emotionally. Turns out of course it was the summer I was pregnant with twins and had a 6 and a 3 year old. He said there was inappropriat flirting and talk of "Ill bring the condomns". It just makes me sick to think of him that way!

I am so sad for my little girls. When I think back I remember coming out of the ultrasound all excited we were having twins and I remember him saying "we cant have twins we already have 2....where are we going to put them all.." etc. Now I think we wanted different things. I know he loves them but I feel like I pushed him into having more kids than he wanted.

Before this happened I always thought that period of time was the most difficult in my life. I couldnt help around the house. My older 2 were going to school in their baseball pants because I couldnt keep up with the laundry. I felt horrible physically and after they were born it was tough. They were hospitalized a week after their birth for an infection and then I was too for a while. It was rough. I remeber walking out of that hospital thinking we were such a team. That we really accomplished something. Meanwhile he was having phone conversations about having sex with her.

Its really hard to handle. What kind of person did I marry? I feel like I dont even know him. I am trying to forgive and accept his apology but I am having a hard time with this part. How do I get past this? Do people really change? I feel like he was abducted by aliens during that time period and that I have the person I married back again but how can I trust him to be there for me when he did this during my most vulnerable time?

You said it right, the man then was not your husband. It takes a lot of time to get past the pain. It is good he is so forthcoming with info you want. Though it hurts badly, it speeds the process for some of us.


Is there a way you can go to counseling? Learning to cope with the feelings is so important.

blessings to you

yes we have been going to counceling 4x now. I dont know its so frustrating because FWS gives me a very limited time to talk about it and ask questions before he gets uncomfortable and frustrated with me. He feels dirty and ashamed that he did this too. I feel so horrible about myself because I am worried about how he feels and I should be furious with him for putting us in this situation. That being said he is trying just not as gently and patiently as I would like.

He of course has had 4 years to accept what happened and I feel like I have been hit by a train. He thinks explaining every little thing is counter productive but I think its better than wondering. Oh how I hate this. I just want to be me again. I feel so anxious and desperate. It was 4 years ago and I know its over. I know he hates what he did. He has made so many wonderful promises. I just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel for this grief I feel.

I just wanted to let you know that I am in the same situation as you. My husband had an A while I was pregnant four years ago. He didn't tell me until 6 months ago. He feels so much remorse. He is the same about the details. He will tell me but only for so long and then he gets upset. He too thinks it is counterproductive but I hate wondering. He only had sex with her two times and it wasn't an emotional affair, but it hurts so bad. He is so thankful that I am standing by him, he never thought I would. I am trying too to see into the future, but it is so hard right now. I just want the pain to go away and I wonder how long it will last?

How long ago was it that he told you?