I found out almost 5 weeks ago that my husband and the love of my life had an affair 4 years ago. After reading so many of the posts I do feel fortunate that we both know we love each other and I do believe in my heart that he is sorry. He has promised me the moon and called me his angel for giving him a second chance.

I just have soooooo much pain. I feel I am neglecting my kids, I cant eat, sleep or talk to my friends. No one I know knows about this as it was a brief long distance thing (he knew he from traveling). I dont want to tell anyone as I feel humiliated and I dont want anyone to judge him, me or us. I have no one to talk to. I hate the OW and I dont even know her. I never wanted to be this person. I feel so sad.

I am waiting for a good day. I know of course its all individual but I feel so impatient with my recovery. I cant afford to curl up in a ball because I have 4 small children. Can anyone tell me when I should start to feel better.

I will last until you are done processing it.

Remember he's already had YEARS to work through this. You only found out recently. It typically takes months to work through this even with a partner whom is willing to help you with this.

Do you have questions? Is he willing to answer questions that you have?

Is he open / willing to talk about the details about the A?

The Good days will come, The bad days will come. We call this the "Rollercoaster". Sit down, Strap in, & Hang on. You will make it through this.

Keep posting. Many of us here have been through this and will be glad to help you through it.

Stay Strong! You've got little ones depending on you!

I know this isn't the exact answer you are looking for, but it'll get better. The pain will never completely go away, but you will learn to cope and move on if you let yourself. Asking how long it takes is like asking when do you feel like you finally have enough money. The answer is different for everyone.

The guys in my department (5 total) all are BS's. Two divorced and the other 2 recovered. One took nearly two years before he could move on. The other one took about 3 months. Me... I'll let you know.

He has been open with me. I have asked about EVERY little thing. He now feels that I am being counterproductive with my questions. I just think for me the knowing is better than the wondering.

He HAS known for years. And it really changed him. He has been angry and resentful of what he thought I would do if I found out. The affair was 2 months after my last pregnancy (twins) and I also feel robbed of those years with him because he was not himself. I feel so sorry for my babies they dont even know the real him. I think he was afraid to love them.

Its alot to digest. I wish he was more patient with me and I have told him so (so has our new therapist). He gives me a while to talk about it and then says there is nothing he can do to change it, if there were he would. He wants to focus on loving me and the family and feels reborn.

I think he is rushing me. The truth is it makes him feel bad. He hates what he did (geez..me too!) I do know I want to be with him. I have always known that but now I think he had doubts at one time. That relly really hurts. He says it was just thrill seeking. She didnt mean anything. He never wanted to hurt me.

The truth about that is that at the time I needed him most. 6year old 3year old and 2 2 month olds he went on a business trip and while I was up all night and driving the kids to school in the am he was sleeping with someone. Now at the time I need him the most emotionally all he gives me is pep talks. How do I make him see? Isnt this just another selfish act on his part?