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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 285
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But I am wondering now, CAN I or AM I, as the BS, able to REVIVE the WS's conscience? And HOW do I do that? Can it even possibly be done by anyone other than the WH himself?

My guess... Yes, no, maybe so...

I think that's what the Plan A is about. It's about making yourself stronger, true, but also doing that which meets the ENs of the WS. In so doing, the WS's "Taker" doesn't have anything negative to say about you that won't start to sound childish even to himself or herself. The WS's fear is really a fear of himself/herself, and you represent a piece of himself/herself that he/she is trying to ignore.

There were times when I would ask my FWW why she wouldn't dance with me, or do the risky things with me that she would do with OM. She said she couldn't bring herself to do that because when she looked at me, she saw everything she *should* do properly and all of her responsibilities, and she couldn't enjoy herself anymore.

However, (and this is something we probably all know even if we act as if it weren't true, sometimes) you cannot make choices for another person. You can't appologize for that person, and you can't repent for that person. You can be different and let the other person see the difference. You can have an impact on your WH and thereby make continuing in his/her current path less desirable, and returning more desireable, but each person gets his/her own choices.

By the same token, YOU have choices. You have the choice to stay or go, too. Your power in that choice is that you cannot use against your WH the ramifications of your choice one way or the other. Accept the path you choose to follow.

Your WS (and mine) have made choices that leave us with only painful options, but we still have options. And the way I see it is that it isn't whether you get to live the life you want but whether you make the *right* choice no matter what circumstance you find yourself in among the options that are available.

Like they say, life isn't fair, but you're only actually graded on your own work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


BS (me - 32) WW - Crystal43 (34) D-Day - June '05 3 DDs NC - w/ OM #1, could be; w/ newest-OM, who knows New OM. Same MO She moved out 3/15/06 ("Beware the Ides of March!") "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us —whatever we ask— we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15 (NIV)
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 35
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tested,
thank you so much for your reply. I loved the closing... you're only actually graded on your own work... All I can say is Thank God and Amen to that!!
Anyone else?


ME - 44 YO HIM - 47 YO (But lately acts like 10 YO, LOL) Married 19 yrs One Son, 18, in college but living home ME - Never broke marriage vows (Very religous) HIM - EA 7/04 - 8/05 I found out in 3/05 but alot happened after that, pls read posts for details, thanx
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