No kidding.

I was sitting here minding my own business, and it just hit me (as I was staring at the GQ eleven index) that d-day must be around nowish.

So, I pulled up my trusty digital calendar and had a look-see. You see? d-day was either the 18th or 19th of January, 2002. I kept getting them mixed up in the next 2ple of years because the fire at our house was on the 19th of October, 2001.

Well, technically I did miss the 4th anniversary, because it happened about 11am, as I was cleaning up our joint email outbox to free up space - and found those emails 2/from Rat Meat. It's funny thinking back on those now. Because they don't affect me like they used 2, not by a long shot. So newbies out there wondering how long it will "hurt", I suppose by 4 years post d-day, it won't hurt much. But that's just my personal experience.

I still post here because of my particular addiction 2 MB, but I don't post anywhere near as much as I used 2.

How am I doing, you might ask? Kind of hard 2 answer that without risking generating a LONG (perhaps 2long) discussion of what I've been doing and what has/hasn't been effective in saving my marriage. But I'd have 2 say that I'm doing pretty well. Our marriage is doing "better", but it's not healed. My W and I are very much out of sync with respect 2 post d-day events like shock (I was way shocked, she was probably more like "oh rats, things were going 'okay' with my 2-world view, and now I've got this shocked spouse 2 deal with. I'm going 2 have 2 lie in whole nother ways!"), trying 2 fix everything (me, not her), MCing (a few times 2gether from March-June 2002), ICing (4 individuals for me, 2 for her, and not for about a year for me and longer for her), withdrawal (2k me over 3 years post d-day 2 get over the hurt and let go of the person I thought *she* was, and she just started withdrawal from RM last September and has a LONG way 2 go), and "recovery" (I started true individual recovery probably in August 2002. I'm not sure she really has started yet. And that doesn't say anything about marital recovery).

But I can/should probably only post about me, not guess anymore about her, so questions about what she's doing/saying/notdoing/notsaying I can only speculate on (and I'd rather not, frankly). So, I feel pretty good these days. I'm moderating my hobby time so it doesn't detract from time with her (such that we have it, which has been more than it was before d-day but is still short of the Harley recommended 15hrs/wk). I'm getting more done at work, and finding more cool responsibilities 2 volunteer for (am I nuts? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />).

There are a lot of things I'd like 2 see happen in the next few months, like MCing and/or coaching WITH my W as an active and willing participant. Don't know if she'll "get there" or not at this point in time.

I do hope for a better, brighter, happier fu2re, but I've discarded hope for a better past.

-ol' 2long

That's that internal clock working 2long. Its only been a couple years for me but I've had that bubble pop over my head, remmebering that old pain.

Here's to hoping you have a happier anniversary to remember in the future. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

You sound good, bud.

You've got mail!

WAT
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D.C. - "We've NEVER elected a crooked Senator."

Well, you already heard me note that I forgot the second aniversary of D-Day 2 until a week or so later last month, and then I had the date off by a day to boot.

FWW remembered the date exactly when I brought it up later.

Ironic, in a way.

That was cute!

Anybody ever tell you that you've a very good memory? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

weaver:

I can't take full credit for that one. I hear tell that Pep originated it.

-ol' 2long

You DO sound good! Really good! I'm so glad!

Suz <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

D-Day dates are not something I choose to remember. I have actually forgotten and didn't really make a note of the actual D-Date of the 4 yr A. There are several painful memories that I recall around certain times...like knowing he spent time with his OW on my birthday and our anniversary. Those stick out more. Then there is the next A D-day sometime in Dec., I think it is healthier to let those memories and days go...

I wish you well 2long. I really wish for you to have a great marital relationship with your wife (again?) someday. It would be ashame to just co-exist together indefinitely. But you do sound like you are in a healthier mental state with yourself and her now, moreso than a year ago.

Dood....sounds like you're doing okay.

I hope for a better future for you 2 (I just had to sneak that in!).

Georgia

Way to forget your anniversary 2long. Niiiiice.

GC