Right now the cost prohibits it. Money is a big EN for her. I can not afford to spend that type of money. We are seeing a MC together right now.

And how much will a divorce cost you?

I know that would cost alot.... more than money.

I bought a book yesterday about the 7 principles to a strong marriage and when I showed her she rolled her eyes at me. I could only imagine what she would say when she sees that. That would be a major LB for her.

She may still be talking because I am seeing alot of activity on the cell records, but I can't see the actual calls till they come through on the bill after the 4th. I don't know how much longer I can go without saying something to her about the OM.

Then get your irrefutable (?sp) info - copies of phone records, etc. and schedule a time to discuss it.

Here is some back ground info you may find helpful: "What is an Affair?" I think it'd be useful to discuss this with your wife. Many people are of the opinion that an 'affair' has to be sexual. So, they rationalize that since it is 'just talking' it isn't an affair. They don't realize the damage that an EA causes. So, if you can agree on the 'definition' of an affair, you'll be on the same page about how to deal with it.

Next is "Plan A & Plan B". (Did you see my reply on page two with info about Plan A?)


Again I say - this is not a D-I-Y project. You really should call the Harleys to make sure you do this right. Could be the best investment of time & money you'll ever make.

Another possibility is that the OM was on a Christmas vacation. Anyhow, is there a local office for your cell provider where you can drop by and pick up a copy of recent calls? They'd most likely have the #' on that printout.

She doesn't want to experience 'independence', she wants you to stop being around to interrupt her affair. Dont take that too bad, she's addicted to a drug and you are in the way.

Keep in mind that a MC's recommendation will not often match what we recommend you do. You are free to do whatever you want, but the people here and the Harleys are specifically setup to handle affairs.

If you want some good advice, setup an appointment with Harley. It'll cost more, but in only one session you'll usually come away with an actual plan.

The cell account is under my wifes name, they won't even let me pay the bill <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. I will look into my credit cards to see about getting hold of the Harleys.

fighting, don't get too discouraged. I would also recommend the Harley's if you can afford it......I have never had the extra money to do so, but I would have loved to.

I think it lists the prices on the site somewhere.

Good Luck Hon and God Bless,

-Caren

This morning she told me about a dream she had last night. I know its just a dream, but alot of people feel dreams stem from what we feel, so I hope so in this case. anyway, heres what she said the dream was:

We were in a hotel room sleeping, there was a 3rd person in bed with us( didn't give a sex or name). There was a ghost that was going through the entire hotel killing people. It was taking possession of each person and deciding wether to let them live or die. Well the ghost left me and my W alive, and killed the other person in bed with us.

Thats a short synopsis of what she told me. I know its just a dream, so I'm not gonna get all excited over anything. I just thought it was interesting. Anyone with any thoughts or experiences similar to this?

I think the 'ghost' is Steve Harley 'killing' (removing) the 3rd person 'in bed with you' (the OM).

Make the call... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Fighting, it's definitely her subconscious kicking her butt! You see, God gave us all a conscience, and it screams bloody murder when we are doing something we know is wrong......I am sure this is what's going on with your WW.

Fighting, do you have the "Surviving and Affair" Book, or the "His Needs, Her Needs" Book? These are important reading for you, I wouldn't force this sorta thing on your WW.....the WS doesn't really like to be presented with that sort of thing, as they feel nothing is wrong.

Soooooooooooooooooo are you still collecting information??? Need to get that underway.

Good Luck and God Bless,

-Caren

I've read "His Needs, Her Needs" most of it anyway. I purchased Divorce Busting and have yet to get it in the mail. I am gathering what info I can, but its going slowly.

I didn't really care for divorce busters, I was desperate enough to *try* it, but I found it a little simplistic.... I had it though, it's not a bad idea to read everything you can get your hands on.


I have yet to find as sound a plan as the marriage builders plan, and believe me, I've read enough to BE a marriage counselor.

I think you should definitely get "Surviving an Affair", if you don't want to spend the $$ then go to the library...that's what I did. (And let me tell you, that sucker was dog-eared and there was highlighter all over it).

Yeah, the info gathering is slow going sometimes. Have you looked into the voice activated recorder for you home phone line??? I'm telling you, they get really, really stupid and really, really daring....you may think she's too smart to use the home phone, but I'm willing to bet that she isn't right now.

Let's see.....how about my list of things I did when I was in Mission Impossible mode.

1) Hacked into both my WH and OW's cell phone accounts (Yeah not exactly legal).

2) I looked into her house, just by going on the site for my county, and I knew how much she paid, who her mortgage was through, etc.

3) I wrote down her license plate number, and put her name into the database for my county to see if she had a criminal record....she didn't, but she did have one accident, so she was on file.

4) My friend was an independent collection agent (bill collector) and she had access to *skip-trace* software, and I found out a lot of information about her, like her friends and relatives (They have this info so they can find people throught their friends/relatives). I also found the last 4 of her SS number.

5) My friend also knew a bail bondsman, who, because she had that wreck, was able to get her full social from the court. <---------It took everything I had not to give ALL her information to a hacker website LMAO(Again, ILLEGAL)

6) Put a voice activated recorder on the phone line at my house (I wasn't living there, I'd moved out, and he'd changed the locks, so I broke in and hooked it up anyway), and broke in again 2 days later, and had my evidence. (Breaking in 'Sounds' illegal, but we weren't divorced and I had mail and my license to say I DID indeed live there and so, guess what THAT WAS LEGAL).

7) I exposed like a MOFO, I also wrote a letter to OW's employer, they chose not to act on it, because they felt it was a personal matter.....but guess what, now they know what a heinous skank they have working there (So does everyone else I know in Grove City...and I've lived here for 34 years..I know TONS of people), and I'm sure they had to put it in their file.

8) I gave the PBL to my WH (After ample Plan Aing) and sent it to OW also.

9) I broke my Plan B within 3 days, and resumed having SF with my husband. He left a pair of underwear at my house, which I wrapped up in a pretty box with a bow and gave to the OW for Valentines Day.

I am pretty good at the spying thing (I left out the stalking thing...but I did that too), so if you ever need any advice, I can definitely help you. I am also great at Plan A....almost to a fault. And guess what.......I am getting pretty dang good at Plan B too. Who knew, all I had to do was NOT act on my impulses LMAO!

So anyway, I don't think I mentioned (or heard anyone else mention) that what you'll be doing/saying in Plan A and if you eventually get to Plan B, is going to feel wrong. But just trust us, try not to overthink everything.

We won't steer you wrong hon.

Good Luck and God Bless,

-Caren

Well... I couldn't handle it anymore. I confronted her and I think I lost. I was wrong about alot of the A stuff. There was an EA several months ago, But it has since stopped. I said to her I thought it was her boss because of the info I had found. She told me that the OM and her Boss had the same last name and first initial. Which correlates with the phone info I have.

So that behind us. She says that She doesn't Feel in Love with me anymore, she feels she has no life. She says that she feels trapped. She says that she feels her life revolves around work and me.

She has decided that she wants 3 months of seperation to decide if she loves me and to explore her own freedom and be devoted to herself only.

This may have moved outside the Affair focus of this forum <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> It still somewhat applies but I think there is more there. Well I am off to start reading "Divorce Busting" which arrived today.

No, it's not 'behind us'. It hasn't been dealt with. The factors leading up to it and her decision to break her marriage vows.


In Other Words - time free from her marriage vows to 'play the field'. Or resurrect the affair.

meant that the initial confrontation was behind us...

She still says that there isn't another man that is spurning these thoughts.

I'm going to call my 401k company tommorrow and pull some money out to speak to Dr. Harley.

You may be right, but I'd bet my life that there is an affair at the bottom of all this.

I've seen it countless times on this forum where the WS says 'they just want to separate for their independence' or to 'find themselves'. Then a few days later the BS have found proof of the affair and are totally shocked.

Good idea talking to Harley, he'll get you on a gameplan.

alright I took a 1500 loan out of my 401k to help pay for some stuff and a call with the Harleys. I'll try to schedule an appointment ASAP.

Alright, Think we took a step in the right direction last night. We went to do our taxes. We had everything except we left our W-2's. We were able to laugh at ourselves for it. We had some really good conversation during the drive. I felt really good about it.
She still distances herself a bit though. Sh still won't kiss me on the lips, we only get cheek kisses <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.