"She says that She doesn't Feel in Love with me anymore, she feels she has no life. She says that she feels trapped. She has decided that she wants 3 months of seperation to decide if she loves me and to explore her own freedom and be devoted to herself only."

I heard something very similiar to this from my wife. She didnt ever say though that she didnt love me. Just that she felt trapped & wanted more in life. Well to make a long story short....there was a OM.

Keep snooping around & dont confront without positive proof. Now that you have confronted her, she go hide stuff even more. Her having her own cell phone is a big red flag. Mine did that too. There was no way to see who was calling her or who she was calling.

In essence, dont fall for her explanation. Something is going on for sure.


Your tax sitiuation reminded me of something my xW did. My xW handed me her W2 for me to figure out our taxes. I thought things were good. A few hours later she tells me she wants a separation. Oh yeah, the 'kiss only on the cheeks' is a big red flag. She is feeling guilty somehow. Either for you or for the OM.

After a good day yesterday right into a bad one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. I looked at the cell records, though it doesn't give details, a call was made after she left work tonight. I went to look at the cell phone and the history is deleted. Looks like I'm not even on the call list after she gets off of work.

This is so painful, I would never wish this on anyone. I know you have all been through it, how did you handle all the emotions <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Get some anti-depressant drugs if you haven't already. Your family doc can usually prescribe them.

She will vacillate like this all the time. You need to stay in plan A, but try to think of her as a sick (or addicted) person. One day she will be good, the next day she'll be low. It's gonna be this way for a while so hold on.

Finding a friend or family member to confide in is very helpful. Otherwise, get a individual counselor that you can unload on.

She's calling him right after work because of the cravings, not because she loves him. My wife had it so bad I'd come home from work and see her peeking out the window while on the phone with the OM. She'd hang up as I pulled into the driveway.

She'll see it clearly after she gets over it, but not until then.

Some call what you're going through a 'roller coaster' - swoops & doops, loop-de-loops, exhilerating highs and terrifying lows...

Your task will be to both ride it out and try to remain the calm, confident one. Good luck!

Dr Harley also advises you discuss (short-term) anti-depressant meds with your family doc during this phase. They'll help even out your emotions (helping you stay steady).

Be very careful about discussing details of your situation with any female 'confidants'. Recognize that you'll be very vulnerbale to an EA yourself during all this. Since your 'eyes are open' and you realize all the hurt an affair causes, do everything you can to avoid being a source of reciprocal pain.

Well.... My W has read everything in this thread. She was pretty upset about it.

We had a long talk and Its probably gonna end up with one of us moving out for a little while. She says the EA with the OM has been over for awhile. She stopped comunicating with him because she knew it was making her want to be away from me.

Now comes the hard part. She wants a Trial Seperation, without a doubt. She's saying the same things she was saying before. SHe needs to find herself and be alone for awhile. I know she will probably read this too. I want to be with her in the worst way. She says that She cries when she knows she's going to come home and I am there. She says she knows her not wanting to touch me, hurts me, and she wants me away from her for awhile to get away from this pain.

She is sincere when she speaks of the OM and not wanting him anymore, But she is also sincere about not wanting me right now. I am at a loss. I don't want to leave the house, but I fear the alternative of a permanent seperation.

Why is she deleting the cell phone history if the emotional affair is over? Also it may be her boss. Having the same last name and initial sounds like a crock to me. She doesn't want to get caught.

She wants a "trial" separation so that she can try out adultery.

Except in cases of abuse & addictions (and an on-going affair is like an addiction...), Dr Harley does not advise separation.

Dr Harley does advise elimination of all LB'ers (Love Busters) and implementing the Basic Concepts. I recall you writing that you intend to contact the Harleys for counseling and coaching. I would suggest not making any decisions about separating until you have counseled with the Harleys. I do suggest you make sure that you are not commiting any LB'ers. And meet her EN's if she will allow it (she may not).

Listen to Beleiver she knows what she is talking about. It always amazes me how much the BS wants to believe the WS. She wants to be away so she can continue the Affair. She is continuing it now but if she is away you can't check up on her.

I never delete my cell history not one single time in my life. Do you really believe that she deleted her history for no reason? She wants the affair with no consequences. Good luck.

Today at MC my W said she "was done".

She has started looking for apartments for me. Her idea of Seperation is atleast 3 months and once a month contact.

I don't know how to get through this. She tells me its not me and theres nothing I can do to make it better. I feel so helpless. This certainly isn't the picture I had painted for myself.

fighting, I have read your entire thread and would like you to know your situation sounds very familiar to me. I was in your EXACT same spot 6 months ago.

Your WW is saying much of what my WW said...it's all so familiar. Listen I don't want to make you feel worse, but if this isn't a PA yet it most likely will be soon. Like Mr. Wondering says...this is a slippery slope and once you start down it you start moving quickly towards a PA. Prepare yourself mentally for this becoming a PA if it hasn't already.

All the things your WW is doing is TYPICAL for a WS. Don't believe anything she says and only half of what she does. You need to listen to the peolpe here, they have all been through it and will give you excellent advice.

BTW, MC right now is a waste of time if your WW is active in her A. My WW lied to our MC face about there being ANY OM and 2 days later I confirmed her PA. They will lie, lie and lie some more.

And why is she looking for apratments for you? Do you have kids? If you do I would not entertain the idea of moving out since it will hurt your custody case. You need to start thinking of all this stuff. I know it's the last thing on your mind right now but you need to protect yourself from your WW.

I would continue to Plan A and find conclusive proof or her A (EA or PA).

I think your situation is perfect for EXPOSURE. OM is married and is her boss. You can kill this A quickly or deal it a mortal wound by exposing to OMW and her workplace.

How is your weight? Try and eat and get sleep. Exercise since it will relieve some of the stress.

Listen, this will get much worse before it gets better. Read as much as you can about Plan A, Lovebusters and meeting Emotional Needs.

Plan A involves eliminating LB's, meeting WS EN's (when she allows you) and exposing the A.

Remember I know exactly how you feel and so do others here who have been through what you have. Listen to them..they will not steer you wrong.

Its not her boss.

The problem is, it seems everything I do Right now is a LB. She says that me being around her makes her unhappy. We don't have children, so that is not an issue. I don't want to move out, she knows this. But it doesn't seem to matter.

Welcome to the wonderful world of the WS! Actually if you are in Plan A I highly doubt that everything you do IS a LB. Her reaction to your words and actions probably indicate that she is angry, upset frustrated, etc., but you only love bust when you do the following:

Angry Outbursts
Disrespectufl Judgements
Selfish Demands
Dishonesty
Indpendent Behaviour
Annoying habits

As long as you are not doing those things listed above, you are NOT LB'ing. Don't worry about how she is acting or reacting to you right now...she will do those things no matter what you do. Just try to be consistent and don't get caught up in her foggy babble.

It is critical that you impliment a strong Plan A if you are to have a chance at recovering you M. Don't expect immediate results since this takes time...a very long time...not days or weeks, but months. So as some very wise MB members used to tell me....PATIENCE & TIME. Those are your strongest allies right now.

Fighting-

Listen to these people......they know of which they speak.

I believe I told you before that your WW will not always have favorable reactions to your Plan A....why is that? It makes her feel guilty, that's why.....and WS don't care much for that.

How do you know for a positive fact it's not her boss??? <---just wondering.

You need to ascertain WHO it is....there IS definitely someone Fighting.

And the previous poster is right.....they lie and lie some more to try to cover their tracks. I went through the exact same thing.

My WH and the OW were just *friends*, then when I found out that was a giant lie, they didn't start *seeing* each other until after I'd moved out.....which translates to they didn't have SF until then. Well whoop de doo.....he was still married, it's still cheating.

They also like to say things like "You should get a boyfriend/girlfriend"......has she told you that yet?? She will....give it time. But guess what.....the first time they *think* you have one, they go totally ballistic about it. My husband jumped through my car window, turned off my car and screamed in my face for 5 minutes because he thought I'd gone on a date with a friend who was also going through this....he screamed over and over "YOU KNOW HE'S MARRIED TOO RIGHT?!?!?!" *sigh* I never had any date.....and he was SOOOOO self righteous about it...here he was in a full blown affair, but he believed he had the right to dictate what I did.......silly WS's.

Why is she here reading this stuff, out of curiousity???

You're in my prayers.

God Bless,

-Caren

Have you made the call? Did you make an appointment?

fightingforE - you still around? How are things?

[color:"white"] - [/color]

just got back from our vacation. My Updated Situation:

Nothing changed over our vacation. We talked, but she still feels the same way. We had sex over the vacation, but she says its just sex to her, no feelings involved. After we left my families home, I asked her if she thought she would ever see them again, She said she didn't think So. I broke into tears, we talked some more but the answers are the same.

She feels she's outgrown us. She says that She loves me, but she has spent so much time trying to make me happy that she has forgotten to make herself happy, and doesn't know how. She says she wants hobbies and friends. I've tried telling her I can help her find these things but she doesn't agree. Not sure where to go from here, Now that I'm back from vacation, I still plan on making the call to Dr. Harley.

bump