This has to be the most hardest thing I have ever had to do. It seems my WH is not responding to anything that is put in front of him. He has been avoiding me at least to my knowledge because he doesn't call to check on the kids he claim he loves so much. He also claims he loves me, but not as much as he use to. Should I move to plan B or continue with plan A? He has distance himself from myself and the kids. NO one seems to know where he is staying, I guess it is suppose to be a big secret. In my heart I believe it is with the OW. He claims that this person is all in my head, but I don't think so. How can I fight a battle with someone that is not even around? How can I continue with plan A if there is very little contact? I know I am rambling, but I have so many questions with no answers. Anyway, my H comes to the house seems like every other week or so to see the kids (at least that is what he says). but spend more time talking to me about nothing. He seem to avoid the conversation about our marriage altogether. When I bring it up of course he says positive things that he never live up to. Is he just trying to string me along until his A is over? Do he think I am suppose to be his security blanket? I hope not. Everytime he comes around he claims he has to leave because he have to go to work. I know he is not working 7 days a week, but he claims he is. He never come over when he has a day off. I guess he feels if I knew he did not have to work he would have to stay longer. It really hurt my feeling on Christmas when he said he had to go to work and left. I know he didn't because he went to my FIL's house and to his cousins house later that night. How could he LIE? Do he want to stay away from me that bad? I am so confused right now by his actions. He continues to flip flop about coming home and fixing our M. I really need some advice on what to do from here.

I'm sure he is having an affair. All of the signs are there, and the fact that he doesn't want you to know where he is living just confirms it.

He avoids you because he probably feels guilty, and also he spends time with the other woman.

Is he still supporting the family financially?

Hi Catina,

I went back and read all your posts.I agree with B that your H is having an affair(A).Talk about being in the dark.He has come up with a lot of excuses and his behavior does coincide with someone who is cheating and I am so sorry you have to go through with a new child.It's time to take action.

The first thing is to try and determine who the OW is,if she is married and where she is and if she is a co-worker or what.You'll need to become a PI and gather information.It's not time for Plan B yet ok? First things first and #1 is identifying A or no A and who is OW.You cannot make him come home or make him do anything so you need to address actual facts.We had a thread going here just a day or two ago about GPS systems.Take a look at that.Intercept cell phone logs,e-mails,credit card statements,whatever you can get a hold of and **DO NOT tell your H what you are up to.You do not want to give him any chance to hide anything more.Can you do this?

O

I don't know where to get the information from. He is a guard and his job site has changed. I do not know exactly where he is working to follow him when he leaves. I don't know if it's a co-worker or not. I don't know anything. He does not have a credit card, banking account, or email address. He has a cell phone, but it is a pick up and go and there is not a phone log for those. Could you give me some suggestions on how to find this information out?

He has been gone since November,and the only money I have received from him was a whole $175. I am back to work now and that is helping me out a great deal.

Time to get legal advice on protecting yourself financially. Otherwise he will blow all of the family money on the other woman. I'm not talking about divorce, just an order for him to support his family.

Ok.First thing,can you get a profile here? It will help other's to know if you have kids,how long married,ages,etc.If you don't want to disclose then that's ok.

Seond,if your H is being extra secretive,then try the GPS system.If anything,the next time he comes over,you can get it under his car and start seeing where he goes and where he stops.The trick will be having access to it more than once so you can retrieve the information.They do cost a bit but it may be worth it in the long run if you find out pertinent info.

You can also try making stops at his new job site.If he won't tell you then try asking someone at his old job site.You are his W so it wouldn't look bad if you politely ask for his new number or his new site location,etc.Is there anything you hold jointly? Home? What does he do for a living?

How are the kids doing? Is your H giving anything more for shild support? $175 is way low.

O

I don't want to sound crazy, but how do you go about getting a order for family support? This is all new to me. I will take all the advice I can get.

Blondie33

No the $175 is all that I have gotten for him so far. I have filed for child support and that should help. In response to the GPS system, well that would be hard to do. He only came by once in that car. If he is driving, which I know he is, he is hiding the car somewhere and walk the rest of the way to my house. He seems to be covering all of his tracks. If I am able to find out where he is working now, what to do then? I am almost certain he requested to be move from the site I knew of because I went there a few times after he left home to talk to him about our marriage. A few weeks later he was placed somewhere else. I think his supervisor gets a kick out of the drama and support his A because he acts like he has no contact info for my H and refused to tell me where he work. He always throw the employee confidentiality clause in my face. (my H is a Security Guard that is why his sites are so flexible). Do you think he even want the M? When I asked him what do he want to do keep the M or get a D, he replied it was up to me. I then told him it was a two person decision and he said he knew that, but never gave me an answer. If he is happy with his A and the OW why don't he file for divorce or get a legal seperation to show me he isn't interested in the M? Again I am so confused about his behavior. I am ending this for now, the baby is crying and need to be tended to.

I may have asked this question before, but can't remember. How can plan A be implemented if you rarely have contact by phone or in person? Do I still continue with plan A for six months? If not when would be a time for plan B?