Does anyone have a problem in this area: My husband does not take baths very often ( once a week, occasionally twice a week), brushes his teeth about once a week and gets his hair cut maybe twice a year. He is not a slob that sits around all the time, etc...He is a computer programmer, he is educated and witty. I love him......

But his hygiene is atrocious. I don't even want to kiss him, because his breath stinks. When we are in bed, his skin feels sticky and yucky. I have tried to talk about it, but he just dismisses it. If I do not accept his glib dismissal, he gets very resentful, almost to the point of verbal abuse.

Anyone have a thought, experience, or suggestion?

-Luckymom

That was one of the discusting things I delt with with my first husband. I could never find a resolution. My daughter said he and his second wife take showers together. I would guess it is sexual forplay and that is the solution she came up with that might work for you too.

I am sorry.... I have to throw out all rules of reasoning on this one. That is ridiculous!!!!!!! I hope you get enough replies on this thread to print it up and hand it to him. There is nothing reasonable you can present to me, other than homeless, that would warrant not bathing or brushing your teeth. That is the epitomy of disgusting.

Has your husband always been this way? When my first husband and I began having marital problems he stopped bathing and became angry when I mentioned his change of grooming habits or suggested he shower. I guess it was his way of making a statement and/or upsetting me on purpose because he KNEW it disgusted me. I don't know if that was all of it, or if he was just a "dirty" man by nature and had been faking it up to that point. I say this only because his father grew up bathing once per week and remained true to that school of thought for his entire life.

I guess the first thing I would try is a different approach. If you approach him saying, that’s nasty, then likely he will simply get defensive. So try communicating using this as a guidline:

WHEN YOU DO <X> I FEEL <emotion> BECAUSE <dream, wish for the relationship>. THE RESULT IS <reaction>. WOULDN"T YOU LIKE <request>

Example

WHEN YOU don’t brush your teeth in the mornings and before bed I FEEL scared and lonely BECAUSE I want to have passionate kisses with you. THE RESULT IS I am starting to avoid kissing you WHICH FURTHER makes me sad BECAUSE I always had the dream that I would be in a relationship where we kissed all the time. WOULDN'T YOU LIKE to receive kisses from me more often.

WHEN YOU don’t shower every night before bed I FEEL rejected BECAUSE I want to hold you close to me. THE RESULT IS I am starting to avoid snuggling at night WHICH FURTHER makes me sad BECAUSE I always had the dream that I would be in a relationship where we always fell asleep in each others arms. WOULDN'T YOU LIKE for me to snuggle up to you and be more frisky.