ok, so I think most of you have read my post today and saw that I found an email my H wrote to some Woman (she is having an A with someone else in CA).

I really think the email is proof enough, but I wanted to see what you all think.

If you read this email, would you be 100% convinced that there is an Affair. H and I have not been working on M since Sept, we have been intimate some after that, but since our last discussion late Nov. about the M, where he said we don't work, I have been trying to accept that it is over.

So, could he be calling something that started after our talk in late Nov. an Affair?

I have this feeling that he met her before we had this talk in Nov. I just think I deserved to know the truth, but WS don't care about that, do they.

What do you guys think when you read this email?????

Here is the email:

oh yea -he was having an A. Stay tuned -when you go into his e-mail someitmes you can save a copy or sometime syou can also set it up that it will also send you a copy at the same time.

Does anyone know if this can be done? I don't know if I want to do this or not.

I think the email is proof enough. I just wonder if I should consider this as "solid proof", or yet another HHHHUUUUGGGGGEEEEE red flag.

I am kind of reminded of an ALIAS episode I watched recently. At one point some guy suspect that these 2 agents are double agents.....and then he gets THE proof....and he sais "there were so many red flags I thought I was in a Soviet airport". That is how I feel right now.

Daisy

It's be enough for ME, but I would NOT confront. I'd collect more evidence and prepair my exit... Not a word, no attitude...

Drucula....

See, I went over to divorce busting....and someone told me that I should not confront him because he can basically do what he wants now. I just don't get a feeling this is a 'honest' relationship. Why hide it then?


I guess my other option is to sit on this, see how I feel, and if I am up to it file for a D, stating Adultury and have him served.

Good to hear that it would be enough for you.

There is a little voice trying to tell me that THIS could be a new relationship and he is just calling it an A. Could I be overreacting.....

Daisy

Collect the proof and make copies in case he does find the evidence you collected. Make sure you have a back up copy of everything. I made 5 copies. To this day I can't look at the evidence I found. I never had a chance to use it either, but I wanted proof in case of NJ Divorce, instead he moved and filed in Vegas, a no-fault state. So the evidence I found meant nothing, but if you file you will need proof of an affair, so collect all the evidence and do not confront him about it.

Check his phone bills, credit cards, receipts, etc. Don't take the original because that might arouse his suspicion that you are looking for proof. Be careful and don't confront or get caught.

Thanks hopeless.

I am still not decided on the 'confrantation' part. I guess he could always say that it has been months since we have been seperated so it is not an affair (as such).

I just don't know if I can be as good an actres as he has been an actor. Can I really meet with him for a movie and chat and have a good time, knowing all this is going on?

I don't know, we'll see I guess.

Daisy

(((HUGS)))


I am so sorry daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

ps. I dont know where you are in Alberta - but if you happen to live anywhere by me - and you ever need to chat - we can go for coffee - or you can give me a call...

Hey dorry....

I am in Calgary....I think you said you are more north.

So, do you also get a feeling this is an A or just some relationship?

Couple of hours have gone by and now doubt is setting in. I guess it happens because we always want to believe the best in a person that we love.

Here is my email:
trustyourgut14@hotmail.com
You can write to me there (I don't have your address again) and I'll give you my number. I'd love to chat.

Thanks!

Daisy

Yeah - I am about a 8 hour drive north west of ya <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I will email ya.

do you guys think he could mean "love affair" and not an "extra marital affair"? If he started this after we stopped working on us and was just looking for sex, this could explain it as well.

I am feeling really sick now. It does not sound like true love though. But what do I know.

Daisy

Hi Daisy -

Hugs to you....stuff like this just hits you in the gut and takes your breath away. I think it is an Affair though. You have gotten great advice....calmly collect more evidence.

Take care,

Kim

Most people I know don't use the word affair in a good way. Usually it has a negative meaning attached to it.
The fact that he used the word "Affair" tells me that in his heart he knows that whatever he did was inconsistent with what ever principles he though he held at one time. He's ignoring it or rationalizing it but it should be causing a conflict on a spiritual or conscience level.

stu....

I am leaning more towards him knowing that this is not an honest relationship. Most people I know would not use it in a positive context either.

I read the email again and I could not help but laugh at something. I think my post yesterday about H being a 'romantic' is so dead on. It is written all over that email of his. Sex complicates things. He sounds like he is in some "Friends" episode. It is such a cheap excuse. Really, being intimate with the right person is not complicated.

I think for now I have decided to not expose this. I will sit on it for some time, see how I feel. I don't think I want to save this R. I need to be sure of that before I act. I guess I will wait to see how I feel when I see him over the weekend. I know I don't hate him. I am not even really angry. I wish he would just spill it already, may even help him get some sleep.

I think the fact that I have not cried about this yet and that I am going about my business just like I did yesterday is a sign that I am moving on away from this relationship. I did not want this, but it is happening on its own.

Daisy

Good for you Daisy... Your strength is admirable.
I wish that I could grow a set and have some strength in this regard as some would say (but are too polite to do so).

Sitting on it for awhile is a good move, as many have said, it is not good to act on your emotions as they ebb and flow.

You have learned so much and become a different person than the Daisy that I remember when we first came on to this board. Progress is good... Take care of yourself.

stu....
thank you.

This has been a crazy thing to have to deal with this past year. I gave my H my heart, basically on a silver platter and well he did what he did with it, because on many levels I let him.

I don't want to compete with some woman. I don't know her, she could be a good person. Afterfall, she may or may not know he is married, and then people don't seem to mind the whole seperated aspect of relationships anyway. I just know, that I am not going to chase after a man who clearly is interted in an "romance" ~ translation "sex only".

I still love him, those kinds of feelings don't go away over night. I am not so sure I want to fight for him. I was not really even sure I wanted to fight for him before this last revelation, now I am even less sure.

Stu, this is hard. I was so weak just a couple of months ago. My H toyed with me, that is a fact. That is really what apsets me most. That he knew what he was doing to me and just strung me along. Now I know he wanted just sex from me. But we cannot put all the blaim on him, I was weak and gave in, I thought it meant he wanted to be with me. I have learned.

So, we all go through this cycle. I've been on this path since May of last year. Now recently I have felt I was moving on and it was all so suddenly. I am a good, attractive, inteligent woman. I don't see why I should not meet someone. I have a lot of growing still to do, but I don't see myself alone, and that has helped a lot. I was really afraid of being alone when H left. I thought I could not live without him. I know I can and will. My goal right now is not to be bitter. I don't want to carry too much baggege into the next R. It is important to me that I resolve this, and don't come away completely distrusting man, but I don't want to be that blindly trusting woman I was before either.

I had a stupid dream about H (have not had one in weeks). I woke up and he was on my mind with all this crup that happened yesterday. I realized that the new info did not change anything.

But, I have to admit that there is a little part of me that wants to tell him just so he would know to take that smug look of his face. Just so that he would know that I KNOW what a two face he is. Just so he would know that HE is NOT getting away with anything. But I will not act on that.

Daisy