I just over heard from my FIL as he was talking to his brother, How my WxH was very upset that I was invited to Thanksgiving and especially Christmas Dinner with the family.

He called on Christmas night to complain to my MIL and really upset her and my FIL regrets being asleep when this call took place. This phone call really disturb my MIL alot.

My FIL also mention how childlike my WXH was and it wasn't like he was in the area, he lives in Las Vegas and we are here in the North East. So what was to big deal, but obviously it was to my WXH.

Now I feel my WxH is going to try to ruin my relationship with my in-laws. My ILS love my like their daughter and they are the only family I have and of course they didn't want me to be alone on the holidays. They have told me several times how much they love and they want me to be part of our lives.

I have accepted the fact, I probably won't be going to family weddings, reunions or family gatherings.

I think my WxH is over reacting and why should he care, I could see if he was invited, but he thousands of miles away.

Did my WXH really want me to be all alone on the holidays, how cruel is that. I only done everything he ask of me and in return from him I get backstabbed by him everytime.

I knew he loved me at one time in his life, so why would he show such anger towards me, especially on Christmas?

Have you ask him ?.

Remember blood is thicker than water. Do you have children ?

-rh-

I haven't asked him, and I'm not really even supposed to know this conversation took place.

I know blood is thicker than water, but in-laws have been so supportive of me during all this. They remind me almost everyday how much they love me and how I am a part of this family. I would have been with my WxH eighteen years this coming July and 16 of them married.

My in-laws also have loved me all these years, and after my Mom died, (my father passed away many years ago) they made sure I know how much they love me and treated me like their own.

My thinking is my WxH is upset that the OW will not have the same relationship I have with my in-laws or maybe he is thinking we are talking about him during these dinners. I believe he thinks we are constantly talking about him, but believe it or not, we go weeks without speaking his name. Maybe he is jealous, I'm sharing family dinners and he is stuck with the OW in Sin City.

I just can't understand why he is upset about me having Christmas dinner with his parents and his brother's family, knowing I would be all alone otherwise. Does he want me sitting all by myself on Christmas Day?

It seems you have R with your IL regardless this M. Just ignore him. Do you have kids together ?

-rh-

No we don't children.

I'm still fuming 24 hours later. I don't know if I'm more angry or hurt. One of the characteristics of my WxH was a peacemaker now he is distroying everyone around him.

I'm angry and hurt that he was angry that I was with his family for Christmas. They love me and support me through out this whole mess. He made a choice, to run off with the OW and abandoning everyone who loved and cared for him. For a woman who lies, cheats and can not be trusted. Who will do everything she can to get what she wants and doesn't matter who she hurts to get it.

I'm also angry that he called his Mom to complain about this on Christmas. Out of being grateful that his parents are willing to work on their relationship with him, he berateds his Mom on Christmas Day. Making his Mom cry and very upset. His Mom is one of the most beautiful people I know. Where is all this anger coming from?

I have done everything he has ask of me and everything he promised me he broke. When I exposed the A I did it respectly with the hopes of saving my marriage. I could have been nasty and bitter, but that would only be reflected back on me. I've only been calm around him without picking fights and still he has this anger about me. Like he is treatened by my relationship with his parents. I think the OW put him up to this. She is feeling threatened by my relationship with his family and it frustrates her because she can't control them like she does my WXH.

P.S. My MIL wants the best for me and has encourage me to start dating again, which I'm not ready yet. She has made it clear that any man I date is welcomed into this family. She joked "Bring me back another son" If only my WxH heard that then he really would have blown his lid

HopelesslyDevoted2,

How this R with inlaws impact your recovery ?

While there is no magic formula, DV Care said for long term M, it would take at least 5 years. Some said years of M /4 ... sigh !!. I was over it completely around year 2 after Dv with a lot of works.

Have you remake your activities/schedules ?

Start "dating" ... gettin' to know someone would be good for you. Not looking for R but male companionship.

-rh-

I think the support I receive from my in-laws had a great impact on my recovery. They showed me what family is all about. Growing up it was just my Mom and me, my father and grandparents past away. I don't have any brothers, sisters, aunts or uncles. My Mom passed away 6 years ago.

They are so proud how I came out of this mess. I know they are hurting too. They told me when I married their son, I became their daughter and even through this divorce they have stressed how important I am in their lives and vice versa.

I couldn't even imagine going through this without them. I would be alone, friends are great but they are not family. It is so nice and comforting to know that you are love.
Which was important to me, cause when I lost my marriage I felt I lost everything. He was my life, I did everything for him and with him. This was crushing and if my in-laws rejected me I believe I would not make it out alive. It would have been so lonely and without the love and support, It would have been more devasting.

Its not only my in-laws that support me, but his aunts and uncles and especially his brother. Four days after my WxH left my neice was born. She has been a true light in my life and brought many smiles on my face, something my WXh is missing. Those treasure moments that only happen once.

God bless me with a great family and they only want the best for me. I know I have to sacrifice the big family gatherings but I do get to share the holidays with them. I cherish those moments, because next year whose knows my WxH may show up for the holidays.

You are a lucky one. However your need to put into POJA with your next mate to keep this R.

What do you get busy nowdays that different than when you were M ?

-rh-