Hey, I just saw a post you made to someone else, and I wondered how you are doing.

I have entered into my 3rd Plan B, and I could really use your advice, I started a Plan B support thread, if you wouldn't mind posting to me I'd sure appreciate it.

I can't remember if you wrote me off or not, I know a lot of ppl did when I couldn't adhere to my other attempts.

-Caren

I don't think anyone ever wrote you off Caren.

Plan B is hard. I'm a multi-time loser too.

People get frustrated. They know what the right thing to do is. Even you know what it is. But knowing it doesn't make it easier.

Only you can know when your ready. It's scary as heck isn't it.

But if all the things you've done in the past hasn't worked, then it is time to do something different this time. Like a deep dark B.

We can only control ourselves. And sometimes we don't even do a good job at that.

((caren))

Thank you Tom.

I wondered about the line in your bio "I walk the recovery path too, ...but I walk alone" what do you mean?

-Caren

Funny you mention that, I was thinking of that the other day again. Other than for most of my marriage I have felt alone, like a nobody ... just some one to pay the bills.

I was talking more of a personal recovery, because marital recovery is out of reach.

During one of the first false recoveries with my STBX. I had shared with her (during one of our rare walks) that, ... when we got married I thought I knew how to be a husband. Didn't have to work on anything, learn anything ... you just got married and did it. (I don't mean "did it" that way <blush>) My STBX was the same.

But I told her I had learned alot. I have always been competitive and an achiever and sucessful at things I did.

I always worked hard, studied hard, tried hard. I told her that I committed a lot of time to those endeavors, both professional and personal.

But I didn't put lots of into learning how to be a husband. I thought I knew! After D-Day I realized how much I didn't know. So I set about trying hard, working hard and studying hard to learn those things. I was confident I would suceed. Like I had in most things I worked hard at.

The Problem was I told her. Is that on those other things, it was just me. Sucess or failure rested on my efforts alone. Sucess or failure could only be blamed on me.

But in a marriage, I had to depend on her. She had to do the same work, make the same committment. Never say die attitude. I couldn't save this alone, no matter how much I learned and practiced.

She never got it. She kept up the same destructive behavior. Blamed me for her cruelty. She'd apologize, recommit then quit again. Over and over.

I could only do my part. I couldn't do her's too. The councilors couldn't do her part. She had to do her own. And she wouldn't. She chose not to.

I walk alone, in my own recovery.

And my STBX walks alone in her misery.


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Tom, I apologize that I don't really recall your story, I know I've read it, but I can't remember. So are you two in Plan B?? You said your "STBX", so did she file on you??

I'm scared to death that I'm going to get served. I'm afraid to go to work tommorrow night....he doesn't know the address at my day job, but he knows I work Friday/Saturday night at the restaurant, so I am 1/2 scared that someone at work is going to look like a customer but really be serving me. Arrrrgh.

-Caren