Godess, thankyou so much for your insight. What you say about the anger pot is so true for alot of things in my life as well as this young womans. I have not spoken to her about it, I don't even know if she knows I know. The family moved out of the area, & with our "busy" lifestyles, our only contat is by occassional phone calls or emails or the annual mothers lunch where 5 of us still meet.

I will explain to the mother about the anger pot & maybe she can tell her daughter to see where her anger is directed. I think their IC has already told them that it is not her fault, nor the parents fault.

You are right, HE SHOULD NOT WIN AT ANY COST.

This particular incident has me wondering about my own daughter. She went through a time when she did not want to go to school, would not go to any one's place to play. She was always worried that I wouldn't be there to pick her up after school or friends. This incident happened at school, although not by a shool employee, rather a friend of a helper. Even that is skethchy info. My DD has been through some fairly rough patches in her life, that she has only told me about a couple of years ago (she is now 26). I have asked her why she was like that at school, but she says she doesn't remember. I'm not sure how much I should ask her now that I know about this person. He would have had contact with all the school children ( there was only 65 kids in the whole school at the time). I'm wondering if there are any other girls who have had this experience.

Thankyou all for your courage in sharing.

Eyes Opened

I was molested at 11 years old by an older man down the street from my house. it was 8 years ago and to this day i still have problems getting close to people. At that age its hard to deal with what has happen to you. You feel like its your fault that you did something wrong and you will do anything to make you forget. And i mean anything. You don't respect yourself or your body anymore. You feel like you are robbed of something. You friends need to tell there daughter that drugs aren't the answer no matter how well you drown your pain it will still be there in the morning. I went to therapy for years and it helped but all i did was talk about how i felt and what happen it didn't make me feel better until I started going to group therapy. To her she will feel ashamed and wont want to go but trust me to know that there are other people out there and have went through the same thing makes you feel like you're not so alone and that maybe someone can understand how you feel. The best advice i can give is that. Even if it was 8 years ago i still do think about it. and she will to but what gets me through is knowing that i am not alone. Tell your friends not to push her to talk. To tell her that they are there if she needs them but don't push the conversation to the point she doesn't want to. And have her talk to someone that has been through this. It will help. God bless

Eyesopened, The first thing to address for your friend is her drug problem. It's not uncommon for SA victims to turn to alcohol/drugs to medicate the pain. But she will need to begin recovery from the drugs/alcohol first before the other issues of SA can be confronted, otherwise forget it. I really feel for her, as I was a victim of incest myself. My older BIL spent 5 years in prison for it. Long, long story. I may be able to tell it here some day, but I'm always afraid to this day, that people will look at me differently knowing I was SA as a child. It took alot for me to say the little I just did. I turned to drugs/alcohol at a very young age also, now recovered for 14yrs from that. The drugs/alcohol were destroying my life more than anything. But during recovery, I had to confront the pain of SA, and it was unbearable. I thought I had been healed from the SA, but it has reared it's ugly head again and bothers me at times now, as in my defining of sex in my marriage now. It's weird because I feel sexually abused all over again because of my H infidelity, but abused in a different sexual way, if you know what I mean. I know I am going to need help overcoming this.

As for your friend, I would suggest a Christian recovery center such as Teen Challenge, or one similar. She won't find healing or recovery anywhere else but with Christ.

Hoping the best for her.

Blessings,
Lady

Thankyou Ladysheep,

She has been dealing with the drug problem for a few months now & has been "clean" during that time. Her Mum told me that she has just moved out of home with a girl that does not do drugs, but is concerned that her "old friends" still want to give her drugs. It must be so extra hard for her. She always looked up to my DD, who is older by 2 yrs, & last week after I had been talking to her Mum, she rang my DD & they have arranged to meet next week for coffee.
My DD has also been in the drug scene after she left home at the age of 21 & went interstate for her work, the wrong crowd etc etc. Anyway, they may be able to help each other DD has been clean for 3 years now & has a management position & is so focused. I have learnt so much from her courage.
Ladysheep, I don't look at you differently because of the abuse you suffered, only because of your strenght to talk about it. I have not been able to talk to anyone (some people do know, but we don't talk about it, I guess this topic makes one feel very uncomfortable)about my H A's, because they might look at me differently. I haven't done anything wrong & neither did you. I have only been to MC recently & my DD was over 2 years ago now.
Until one has walked in my shoes, can they know a little of how I am feeling. We all deal with things in different ways & time lines. Goos luck with your recovery.

Take Care
Eyes Opened

My history was a little different. I was sexualized by my mother - but she was unaware of the incident - I was a baby, sleeping in the back seat of a car - she was in the front with OM - you can read more about my hx on the pregnancy/OC board -

Then I was a participant with siblings - both victim and perp; until I became very protective of my little brother's innocence - I had a vivid dream one night that I believe was from God - reminding me that innocence - my own innocence could not be restored to me, no matter what my mother, my brother, my sister did to repent.

Then a neighbor molested me. It took 7 years before I told my mother - I was starting to get brave enough to talk about it after I got married, but the statute of limitations was long over - when I drive past the perp's house I still want to throw rocks at it - angry even at his wife because she HAS to know he has a penchant for teen girls. I can't have been the only one.

I went through a healing experience - http://www.impacttrainings.com/ and for once had the courage to confront my mother about the car incident - and even though she had tried to deny my questions about the blue car (we never owned a blue car) as dreams, I knew children didn't have dreams like the one I had. I had thought I was 3 when it happened, but I was 12 to 18 months old. The training gave me the courage to open the door on that closet.

I know this - if your neighbor's daughter goes through Impact, she will come out empowered and courageous - able to take on anything she wishes to. And she will no longer feel like a victim - she will become a victor!

Thankyou KaylaAndy,

As we live in Australia, I'm not sure if we have Impact, but I will pass on the web address for them to have a look at. Maybe some of the other posters on this thread will as well.
Has your Mother realized what you are saying is true yet? She would probably be feeling terrible that this happened. I would never have thought a baby of that age would remember anything, yet alone that incident.

Take Care

Eyes Opened